Past event guilt

I just remembered when I was about 13 and this girl kept posting things about white people being racist and I answered back saying not all white people are like that and asking why she was saying it (I was STUPID and didn't know anything about the world and even though I can't remember it fully it wasn't meant to be malicious or anything) and then she got angry, which is fair, so I got defensive about it and she posted a screenshot on her story. I'm 21 now and definitely more aware of the world. Do I tell my boyfriend about this because I feel like I'm lying to him by not telling him and pretending to be good when I'm not (context I'm white he's not). We talk about race and societal issues all the time so we're both well aware of our political leanings I'm just scared I'm being deceitful and a fraud.

bruner12

Date posted: 20d

Look I can’t speak for all Black ppl but as a Black person who faced a lot of racism growing up. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You were 13. Right now you’re 21 and clearly have a better understanding of racism. From what you’re saying you’ve put work into growing and changing. Support POC as best you can with education allyship ect honor the work you’ve put into changing and let this go. It’s ok to forgive yourself.

Shea95

Date posted: 20d

You were 13, you were a child. I’ve gotten into online debates/arguments online as a minor that I 100% disagree with my stance on now that I am adult. Your ocd is making you feel like you have to confess these things to your bf or otherwise you are a deceitful fraud, but you are NOT. I have a habit of telling my boyfriend everything I’ve ever done wrong due to the fear that he doesn’t know who I really am. Although it’s hard, you have to tell yourself that it’s irrelevant, you were a child, and it doesn’t mean anything and holds absolutely no significance.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20d

There was one time, again about 13, where one of my friends was singing a song with the n word in it, and I didn't hear what she said so I repeated the sentence back to her to ask (and ended up saying it). This was genuinely a mistake I still don't even know how that happened but, after a conversation about the n word and topics like that with my bf I can't remember if I told him I'd never said it or if I had. If I said I'd never said it that's lying, but I never used it again after that.

Shea95

Date posted: 20d

@Anonymous Again, you were a child. This doesn’t make you prejudice or a bad person, it makes you a normal person who said/did things as a child that you wouldn’t do as an adult. It’s okay!! :)

JaneWiedmann

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20d

This makes me so glad I couldn’t embarrass myself on the internet until my late 20s! But I’ve said some things that make me regretful. That shows that I’m growing as a person, and I think it’s the same for you! You don’t have to *confess* to your boyfriend, but he might be receptive to talking it through. You two sound like such a nice pair. 🌼🪷🌹🪻🌷🌺💐🌻

ccheney0

Date posted: 20d

I went through this too. In your head you feel like you're tricking them if they don't know your every last sin. And I'll tell you something. Be careful with that confession compulsion because it can be painful and shocking for the person you are confessing to. Everyone has done things they're ashamed of. And it's normal not to share it with anyone. It's not lying, it's having an inner world. And your boyfriend has one too. I'd say that if it doesn't affect him directly (and it doesn't in this case) then you really don't need to tell him. Besides. It sounds like you've learned and grown since this experience which is what growing up is about.

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 20d

The person I see in this post is someone who didn’t have a full understanding of talking about racism when they were a child. But now, 8 years later, they value racial equality so much that these memories are painful. OCD likes to latch onto what we value most. The thing is, saying “not all white people” is technically true, it’s just the connotation that makes it dismissive and inappropriate in most scenarios. How can you expect someone—a literal *child*—to understand the nuances of racial discourse? I see you reflecting on this experience as a sign of personal growth and maturity. If you talk to your boyfriend about it, the convo doesn’t have to be a confession where you’re seeking reassurance, you can celebrate with him tho how much more you’ve learned about what’s appropriate to say when discussing race.

Date posted: 25w

Past mistakes

When is a mistake too big to forgive. I looked at content that I really shouldn’t have (🌽)but I didn’t understand it was wrong at that time and with no parents supervision online . It happened in my teen like 14/15 and I’m so guilty. What makes it worse is that a small artist did something really similar and got cancelled and called disgusting . It is disgusting but I truly didn’t know how disgusting it is and if did I would’ve never done it . And it was worth cancelling her . But I did too so .

J🧸

Date posted: 23w

Advice…?

This might be a bit disturbing but it’s been weighing on my mind. From all the posts I’ve made, I’ve talked about how I was influenced at a young age and saw things I shouldn’t have seen. A lot of it. I can’t remember much because it’s blurry and all muddy and in different timelines. Sometimes I genuinely don’t understand why I would do such a thing or how I could and I would constantly overanalyse things from the past. These things lead me to do things to myself out of trying to understand and curiosity and mimicking actions like kissing others in preschool. I made stupid mistakes I can’t take back and it weighs on me a lot. I don’t and can’t remember so much honestly but when I was at the age of 8, I inappropriately touched someone and it wasn’t out of harm but to understand why. What I did was wrong and the whole context of the situation is messed up but I knew to a certain degree it was wrong ( I spoke to this to my therapist who was very understanding and told me these things happen a lot when kids are young ) I remember at the time I felt guilt and realised I wanted to be a good person. I thought I was dammed for what I did and there was no coming back for me but I remember apologising to them and never doing it again. I had to keep this with me for so many years and it broke me a lot. I matured and realised my actions, spent time crying, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be here, and was filled with a lot of shame and guilt with nobody to be there or know about this. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared to also be badly punished but eventually as time passed, the person passed away and nobody knew about the story. This year I began opening up and for the first time I opened up to people about this because I wasn’t doing good mentally and spent days—months ruminating, panicking, and thinking I was a monster for everything. I never thought I would but it was with people I trust who loved and accepted me. I told them the situation and how I felt. I told my therapist briefly and she told me we could continue this convo the next time and that I didn’t have to tell her everything but… It didn’t make sense to me. I felt like I needed to confess everything or else I was a fraud. I do definitely care about their justice ( justice overall ) for what happened to them regardless of them not being here and I’m beyond sorry that something like this happened to them because of my stupidity when I was younger. I try my best to be understanding and compassionate to myself but sometimes it’s all filled with hatred and shame and guilt but I’m trying. People say confessing makes things worst. I feel like this is something that needs to be confessed but Ive already admitted my actions, regrets and told others about this but yet it’s still there . I’m not an angel but I do know, these stupid past mistakes have made me more empathetic to people and not wanting things like this to happen to anyone. As I’ve grown I’ve realised how these things can distort your view of reality at a young age because now as I’m older, I understand so much more than my younger self would. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I did certain things and people at my age were probably more matured and smarter than me. A lot of things happen in different timelines but I’ve matured so much and I understand my mistakes and the impact. I feel safe to talk about this to my therapist or here but to my family and others.. I don’t know what to say. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes and feel like I need to confess everything. I didn’t want to ever talk about this to anyone because I didn’t want to make things worst for people. This happened so many years back and I just didn’t want to bring the past into the present. I know that I have no right to really suggest this because that person was a victim. I don’t know what I should do. Confess? Or let it be in the past? I mean my therapist and close friends know about this.

DelfyDV

Date posted: 13w

please help

sorry for the long post, if anyone would like to read and give me some advice i’d really appreciate it. i have something i have been keeping from my boyfriend. it’s nothing in relation to cheating or doing something bad behind his back. it’s something that happened before we started dating. it was when me and my “ex” (i rebounded before my current bf and yes, im very very ashamed of it) were a thing. me and him broke up relatively amicably but me being in general contact with him made my bf uncomfortable. it was a whole thing and in conclusion, i took accountability for my ignorance. i cut him off, wasn’t upset about it at all but there were some issues that still posed a problem in my relationship and it was what me and my “ex” did sexually and how long we were together. me and my bf started dating a few months after my rebound and he was under the impression that the time inbetween was longer. in the moment, i expressed i sincerely thought i told him how long it was and answered his questions about what we did sexually. but i forgot to mention one thing until it was too late. i promised i would tell him if i remembered anything and now that i have, i’ve recently been feeling REALLY guilty for withholding it. i absolutely hate thinking and talking about my rebound. i’m embarrassed by it. i’m trying to be better and move on from that general era of my life. and to a point i have. my bf is wonderful and nothing but good and loving. but over time i’ve become afraid to bring up stuff like this and tick him off. i find his reaction extreme in situations where i’m genuinely confused about what i’ve done. i’m a really anxious person and i try not to let it get in my way or his way of processing everything and resolving it. but its hard. coming from a bad relationship previously (before the rebound) i have a lot of issues to resolve within and outside of my relationship but right now, i don’t know what to do. i’m deathly afraid of bringing it up and him deciding to end us. again, sorry for the long rant. i had to get this off my chest somehow but i wanna know how to go about it. thanks guys

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Past event guilt

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