Medical OCD and Medical trauma

This is absolute hell. Growing up I was exposed to several bad doctors who really had no business working in pediatrics. I have something I'd like to get checked out but the thought of being examined paralyzes me. Nothing helps with the PTSD. Sedatives don't help me get through exams. Bringing support doesn't work because the worst of the abuse occurred when my parents were present and they never lifted a finger to protect me. I'm equally threatened by men and women. I've tried several therapists and things are going on that I don't want to get into that id like to get treated but I'm terrified of the people who could actually help. Telehealth is a godsend but if I need to be seen I'm out of luck. I'm just venting, really I don't expect any solutions. It's just frustrating, what an awful combination. The latent fear that I might be dying from a preventable disease that I could have dismissed if I just got examined versus my crippling trauma surrounding being examined.

glitterstitch

Date posted: 22d

I understand this so deeply, and I just wanted to comment so you know there's someone else out there who has a similar experience. On top of OCD, I'm diagnosed with AuDHD and PTSD, and medical settings/interactions are some of the biggest triggers for me. If anything, take from my comment that your frustration is valid, and you definitely aren't alone in this experience of medical OCD and trauma <3

ccheney0

Date posted: 21d

I swear they're too rough with children sometimes lol. I think things have changed in recent years to where only doctors who are specialized in pediatrics are allowed to examine children. But in my day they really werent equipped with the de-escalation skills to handle small, frightened children. I remember getting overwhelmed and the next thing I know I got like 10 adults all with 200 pounds pinning me to a table like an animal while stabbing your legs with needles and screaming at me to relax while I screamed my head off. Then they got the nerve to scratch their heads and wonder why I don't want their help lol. I'm glad they've since refined their technique.

glitterstitch

Date posted: 21d

@ccheney0 I'm so glad to hear that they've changed how they work with kiddos. Pediatrics of the past really sucked. I worked inpatient psych for a while, and I made it a point to make verbal de-escalation my specialty, specifically because of similar experiences I had like yours. Putting hands on someone is not the way, especially children! I entirely understand where you're coming from lol sending you all the healing and loving energy I can muster because I know it's tough! The worst experiences I've had always include someone telling me to calm down while they're actively making me feel worse. You are not alone friend.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 22d

So so sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine. I don't have any experience with PTSD like that, only the OCD . Do you have a treatment plan for your OCD? I know some really good online therapy if you don't

ccheney0

Date posted: 21d

I've been hopping around from therapist to therapist

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 21d

@ccheney0 OCD is treatable, but it has to be the right kind of therapy. A lot of therapies out there do not work at all. A lot of people with OCD get frustrated because they try again and again to get help, but nothing seems to work. ERP therapy is the key. It is well- researched and very effective. Stephen Smith, the founder of NOCD, founded it because he wanted everyone to have access to ERP therapy, which actually WORKS, and has changed so many people's lives. There are two sources you might try which would offer ERP therapy, and you would not have to go talk to somebody in-person (which could trigger the PTSD). One is an online course from Nathan Peterson, and the other is NOCD. All the NOCD sessions are over zoom, so you don't have to have an in-person session at any point. They also offer a lot of support through texting and email, so (again) you don't need in-person connections in order to get more support. This might be helpful. Let's start with Nathan Peterson. He has an online course where you can learn ERP therapy on your own. It will take you through treatment step-by-step so you can learn to manage the OCD. Here's a link: https://www.ocd-anxiety.com/ Nathan Peterson also has a lot of helpful videos on YouTube. These go over a lot of common themes that people struggle with. now let's talk about NOCD...I have used them twice. All their therapists are trained in ERP therapy, and they are very good. All the sessions are over zoom, and it's very easy to communicate with them through texting or email. They're very friendly and get back quickly. They take most insurance. So it was just a co-pay for me for every session . Big hugs! I can't even imagine the trauma that you have been through:(:( I am so sorry.

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 22d

I had a similar experience down to my parents being in the room, and EMDR helped a bunch. Have you tried EMDR?

ccheney0

Date posted: 21d

No, but I've heard of it and considered it

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 21d

@ccheney0 I would seriously look into it more!!

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 21d

@24ozpersephonenoice I just know it helped me a lot with my medical-related trauma. I’m 30, and in my early 20s, whenever I had to get a pap smear, my whole body would start shaking, and my body would tense up, making it extremely painful (even when a doctor used numbing injections!). However, after EMDR, I’m able to get pap smears no problem, and it’s barely even uncomfortable. Life saver!!!

Chessmixxd

Date posted: 19w

Cause For Concern

I'm going to try and be coherent because I know that sometimes during these moments I tend to babble in fear. I have a mole on the left side of my chest that I've had since I was a kid. Been there for as long as I remember. And I never paid attention to it; it was just a part of my body. I even felt a little sad considering that I might not have it anymore whenever I get top surgery. Yesterday I went down a rabbit hole and landed on Melanoma. Which, of course, prompted me to look at my mole again. And again. And again. It's large, bigger than my other moles. Always has been, at least to my knowledge. I always thought it was cute whenever it crossed my mind. Now...now I'm just scared... I'm not asking for reassurance. None of us on here are medical experts (unless youre an actual doctor) (also insert OCD joke here). I sent a picture to my doctor, and she said that if it hasnt changed size that's a good sign. But she also suggested a follow-up with a dermatologist. And that's what scares me the most. All of this started yesterday, but I sent the message to my doctor this morning. And ever since then...I havent been okay. I can barely eat, and every time I try to I can barely swallow. I've isolated myself in the guest bedroom of my parents house. I cant move. I cant think straight. And...let's just say my thoughts havent been good. Like I said, I'm not asking for reassurance or medical advice. I just...I need help to not feel like I'm dying. I didnt mention that yesterday, in the midst of going down the rabbit hole, I realized how badly I didnt want to be afraid, and yet I also felt like I needed to be afraid. And I realized that that's what ERP is (at least for me in case it's different for everyone). I really did naivietely think that it was just going to be about avoiding compulsions. I didnt realize that accepting uncertainty would feel like a death sentence. And now this has happened. I just...I'm scared. And I dont want to be. I dont want to live in this reality where I'm sick and dying. I dont want to have to tell my family. I dont want to live in that world, but it feels like I'm already in it. My body is just preparing me for it. I dont know. I dont know why I'm even making this post. No one can help me, can they?

OCDMedStudent

Date posted: 12w

4th year Med student with Health OCD

You can laugh at the title if you want, it’s objectively pretty funny. Hi guys, this is my first time on this app and I mostly just wanted to see if anyone out there is in the same boat as me or works in health care and is dealing with this. I haven’t told anyone what’s going on. I’m in my 4th year of medical school and In the past year I’ve developed what I think is pretty bad health OCD. Now health anxiety is a really common thing for medical students to have, I know that. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the constant lymph node checking, self diagnosing & examining and reassurance seeking could have definitely had crossed the line into compulsions. Both my parents are cancer survivors which is what originally made me want to become a doctor but now every single physical sensation I have sends me into hours or days of rumination that I or someone I love has stage 4 terminal cancer. I spent an entire vacation with my boyfriend having a silent panic attack and convincing myself that he was dying of pancreatic cancer when he just had food poisoning and was fine days later. I had a complete mental breakdown and told myself I had lymphoma for weeks when I realized I could feel some of my own perfectly normal lymph nodes in my neck. My logical brain knows this is completely ridiculous but the emotional brain will not shut the hell up. It seems cruel that I made it this far only to feel like my own damn brain is betraying my ability to think through health situations clearly. I’m determined to get my symptoms under control before I graduate in a year as I don’t want this to affect patient care. Just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone else out there in health care is struggling too.

astoto

Date posted: 9w

Medical OCD

I never used to really care about my health unless I got sick and just took some meds and went about my day. Last fall I was diagnosed as diabetic. In the winter my car was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and I ended up with extremely bad anxiety and anticipatory grief like I have never felt before. My other cat now is on two medications for health issues. I was in the hospital in march for diverticulitis. I have a pinched nerve from trying to do yoga. A few weeks ago I had a colonoscopy and now I’m having mild tremors and some numbness and tingling in my extremities. My anxiety is through the roof. I went to my primary doctor who thought it was my medications having a bad side effect so she took me off it. The tremors have gotten somewhat better but the numbness has not improved. Okay where am I going with this? Every day I get this gnawing anxiety that makes me feel like I need to go to the hospital but I don’t go for financial reasons and because I’m terrified that they’ll make me stay overnight or I’ll get another bad diagnosis. How do I live like this ? I’ve never dealt with any anxiety or obsession thoughts in my life before this and now it’s a daily struggle. I often find myself crying because I’m freaking myself out. Please help.

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Medical OCD and Medical trauma

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