My heart is broken.

I am reaching out because I haven't been diagnosed with ocd but Im hoping it's the case. When I was 14 I started having harm intrusive thoughts almost fully surrounding my little brother. Later they progressed to sexual. At first being i was afraid i had done something sexual and couldnt remember. Then they turned into actual sexual intrusive thoughts. They have only progressed and I get extremely strong groinal responses. Sometimes I get them about other people. But its mainly my brother. Someone pls tell me what u think.

?SquidKid?

Date posted: 11h

Same, so you’re not alone. It got so bad for me I got hospitalized. It still very hard for me, since it’s your family so you feel pressured. I got these intrusive thoughts around the same age as you.

ran_0fff

Date posted: 10h

Im so sorry that happened for you. Idk if u have the same experience but does it ever convince u that u like the thoughts? It makes me avoid so much. I constantly consider locking myself away or confessing to cops because id rather that than be a sicko.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

Harm and POCD are superrrrr common themes ❤️ More common than most people realize. There’s hundreds of thousands, if not, millions of people with OCD who have suffered with those same harm thoughts. Every person is special but our intrusive thoughts aren’t :) It’s totally understandable that you feel heartbroken but you don’t have to be. OCD is highly treatable with ERP, self-compassion, ACT, and behavioral activation (for depression)

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

@Love1another<3 Btw, the fact that you are so upset is automatic proof that these thoughts go against your values. Ocd is ego-dystonic and attacks who you care about the most. So that makes complete sense why Ocd goes after your brother. My ocd goes after my mom

ran_0fff

Date posted: 8h

@Love1another<3 - Thank you this makes me feel a little better. I think the hardest part is that sometimes the lines blur and u start to feel like u actually want it or like it. Especially with groinals which for me have become super strong and constant. Sometimes even just the thought of my siblings face causes it. And I also get this overwhelming urge that im gonna lose control and touch that area even tho I dont want to. The heart breaking part is remembering how it used to be i would say I was his second mom. But now our relationship is nowhere near as close to what it was because of me. And I just dont get how it could go from that to this.

ran_0fff

Date posted: 8h

@ran_0fff - I find myself literally looking up if it's possible to just become attracted to that stuff especially bc I have trauma. And its been years since this started.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7h

@ran_0fff That’s so relatable and thank you for being so open and honest about that :) Your transparency helps a lot of people on this app feel less alone, including me because I’ve been in your shoes before. What you are describing are all symptoms of OCD: groinal responses, intrusive feelings, intrusive urges, etc. Intrusive thoughts aren’t the only symptom. I also had urges and it felt like I was going to do horrible things I didn’t want to do. But OCD is a liar and we just have to ignore those urges, no matter how strong they feel. ERP therapy will completely change your life. I used to have POCD and I haven’t suffered from that theme for years after treatment. Ocd is highly manageable 👍 Also it makes sense that you said you had this issue for years because we will struggle with Ocd for that long if it’s untreated. Ocd also flares up during stressful events so that’s a possibility for you. Ocd is a lifelong disorder but the symptoms can quiet down so much with ERP treatment that you hardly even notice them 💪🙏 There will be a time that you’re not dealing with this, with the correct treatment

GreenTurtle098

Date posted: 21w

18+ TW

Okay so In the moment I get intrusive thoughts about children which I hate. I get the gronal responses which I always so many compultions after. My ocd is very bad and I’m showering and changing my bedding around 8 times. Therapists have told me I’m the worse they’ve ever known. That’s how bad my life is atm. I hate this disorder. I want to know if ocd can cause these things as it will help me to fight my compulsions and just except it’s ocd… In the moment the gronal responses are genuinely pleasurable and I struggle to ignore them and stop them, in the moment t I want them even if it was due to a thought of a kid My OCD will tell me I’m aroused I’ll feel aroused then when moving around in my bed it’ll tell me to make my vagina touch my bedding for a feeling while I’m turning over and I purposely do it in the moment… I hate it. After I do so many compilations, it’s not even me it’s like someone else controlling my body When I try to fight my compulsions I think in my mind “I like this anyways” and actually like the thoughts and gronal responses over the children, which then makes me not be able to fight them. For example my ocf was telling me to spray my feet with anti back, but then I tried to fight it and I was thinking to myself “nah l like this one I like this feeling over the kid it’s the real me” like I didn’t even feel stressed from it it’s like I wanted it. Of corse after these I do lots and many compultions Please I just want to know if ocd can do this

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Need help, PLEASE +18

I got diagnosed with OCD (variant POCD) about 3/4 yeats ago. Lately I've been really confused and makes me uncomfortable this ideas that I've had dreams in my sleep where I have romantic/sexual interactions with my older sibling— I know it's disgusting, and I don't know what to do. Recently I got a boyfriend after years of being without a partner, and he makes me so happy along my friends, but sometimes at random points of the day I have this episodes with minors or my sibling, and the ones with him start to go heavier when I'm at home or alone. The first thing that comes to mind for me to do is always how much I don't wanna live, harm myself or what is my purpose at this point (22fem) having this problems. I feel weirded out when I pass them over, and suddendly think about not giving them the atention because how important they are in a negativa way. I'm just anxious writing this, I need help. Is someone living the same? How do you work on it? I will always be like this from now? — thanks in avance and sorry for mistakes, english isn't my first language

happygirl15

Date posted: 17w

POCD/ Intrusive thoughts & Images

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

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My heart is broken.

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