- Username
- trinitii
- Date posted
- 5y ago
When it comes to fantasies, they can come in any shape. It doesn't mean you're attracted to guys. Many straight people have gay fantasies. Nonetheles, due to OCD's nature, and because it's actually more accurate, it's batter not to think of sexuality as binary (gay or straight). You are exactly what you describe: a man, who's always been attracted to girls, and who happes to enjoy some fantasies that go beyond this preference. Nothing more, nothing less. If you haven't read it yet, this article might help https://ocdla.com/sexual-orientation-ocd-challenges-treatment-hocd-1978 Don't obsess over it, if you have ocd, it will feed on your capacity to have a creative brain that can enjoy certain fantasies. Not feeling the same with your girlfriend or girls in general when facing hocd is a commont symptom.
Well said man!
It sounds like HOCD, the more you want to be in control and tell yourself it is dangerous it becomes intrusive. Always remind yourself that it is safe to feel homosexually aroused. It helped me decreaase groinal, anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Also go pray to God and read the Bible.
Bro, what a share, you gotta be real brave in order to share that. I feel like the answer is within the lines... that feeling when your brain is tricking you, its hard. But I think that the fact you wrote it shows that you have the will of taking care of yourself, and its real great! i feel like thats the point when the OCD, just like a bad angel on your shoulder who tries to drive you crazy. Maybe mindfullness methods or meditation is a great way of dealing with it, its a long journey, but it will work. Take care brother! Beter days will come :)
So... This is all a part of HOCD?
Amigo, non of us has the knowledge or diploma to set this kind thing... but this is a great platform to share and mybe have some social support or simple tips in order to make our life better :)
I’m similar I sort of have a thing for pegging where a girl does it but now I can’t get the thought of a guy doing it out of my head and there was this scene of game of thrones that triggered me so much and I watched a video that said to get rid of your Intrusive thoughts you should masturvate to them so I did and I regret it so much and I just feel so gay and want to die. It’s not fair I was always straight. And I told my therapist this and she said I should masturvate to the gay thoughts MORE which made me panic I don’t want to do that at all.
I guess I'm gay. This is it. Im attracted to both men and women, but I get a stronger sexual reaction to women. I dont want to be gay. I'm with a boy who I love, but now I'm scared that I love my best friend instead of him. Before hocd I had no feelings for her at all. I dont want to have feelings for her. Before HOCD I didn't think I was gay, but because of comments that I saw yesterday it feels completely true now. I'd like to identify as straight, but that feels wrong because if I was healthy Id most likely want to be gay, right? I hope that isnt true. I'm not allowed to identify as straight because that's just proof that I'm in denial. I'm deep in denial. I want to die. I need help. But I can't afford help. I don't get a sexual response from looking at either gender now, which is very distressing because checking no longer works. I don't want my boyfriend to leave my life. I dont want to stop being intimate with him. I love talking to him, holding his hand, and hugging him, and kissing him and having sex with him. I'm scared I'm only with him for reassurance now. I dont want to get help if that means leaving him, but now I'm scared that's because I want to be straight, not because I love him. The most fucked thing about this is when I first developed hocd it was when I was going through puberty. I'd be terrified that I'd accidentally look at a girls boobs or butts, not even because I had the inclination to. It started from there and for some reason I got the shit end of the stick and it developed into being true. Have I convinced myself that I'm gay and I'm really not? I've been dealing with this so long I honestly have no idea. This bothers me so much because it's all about sex. What the fuck does sex have to do with loving someone? Love is not sex. I fucking hate societies view on sex and sexuality. I'm scared that if I dont react to these supposed feeling for my friend then they'll haunt me for ever. I dont want to lose my boyfriend.
My mind keeps jumping to conclusions that I’m in denial and i have to come out , crazy how a thought went from “what if I’m gay” to “what if I’ve always been” to “you’re bi” to “you’re gsy” to full on statements and conclusions, like coming out and being in denial , as homophobic as this sounds everytime i see something gay i get an ick im not disgusted, very slightly, i was never like this, now I’m contemplating if i ever even liked women when i know i have before. I have nothing against gay people but i just don’t wanna be gay , saying that makes me feel uneasy which makes me more confused. Idk what I’ve become at this point .Now I’m doubting every life decision I’ve taken and gosh i wish me and my ex lasted, i was happy, even when we fought i remember telling myself we’re gonna get through this we’ll be fine, here i am doubting everything, at the same time wishing me and her lasted, regretting how i treated her, then the ocd part uses the fact that i went soft a few times with her and lost all interest in women after the break up against me, and then its basically convincing me to say that i am gay, none of these adds up . My brain keeps showing me images of being with men and happy about it and i don’t want that, i don’t think i ever did, then it’s like oh movies and tv shows have influenced you to think you should be with women , and then I’m here like if that was the case I’d feel uncomfortable and feel out of place , I’ve never felt that, i felt good with women and all as long as she was clean didn’t smell ofc but yeah now I’m so fucking lost.
Why can't I figure this out and why when I try to it makes me feel like I am gay? I feel so depressed I was starting to be myself again and I was so happy even got a girlfriend and was working out and about to get a job too but now it's all lost I hav wno motivation to do anything, when I check gay porn I get aroused, when I imagine scenarios no matter what I get aroused I guess I've lost. I've never been homophobic or saw it as wrong but I also was never interested in men I always had crushes and fantasized about women and wanting to only be with women but now it feels like I can't even do that. I'm also noticing men alot more now too as handsome or pretty boy faced and it's making me feel even more in denial ): I fucking hate this so much I would do anything to go back to my comfortable happy self who was straight and girl crazy. I really hope this isn't all real I don't want any of this i just want to be straight not because of society but that's what made me the happiest and most fulfilling version of myself. I just don't understand why it all feels so real? Why I can't no matter what have certainty that stops me from checking? Why does porn cause arousal? Why do I notice men alot more? Even now I still don't want sex or a relationship especially a relationship because the thought of being intimate with a man isn't something I want and would make me uncomfortable and sex causes arousal but it's not something I want unlike women I desire it I want it. It makes me feel all fuzzy and good inside.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond