ROCD

Does anybody have ROCD? I’m really struggling with either my feelings are real or ROCD. I panic when I think of these things because it’s supposed to be him but I feel so disconnected from him and I’m wondering like is he the right one for me and should I break up with him or is there someone else. I’ve always loved him and I have all this guilt built up inside of me because it feels like I don’t love him anymore when all he does is love me and I know if I didn’t love him anymore I’d feel calm and WANT it but I don’t but my brain is telling me I do but I don’t know what to do. I feel guilt around him almost all the time, I have panic attacks, I cry, I’m depressed, I don’t know what to do anymore. My ROCD has taken over my life and the one thing I truly want is now destroyed by stupid ocd. I need help PLEASE. Do I love him truly or not? I want to hug him and talk to him because he’s my best friend but nobody has went through what I am going through and nobody in my family has went through what I’m going through and this feeling of disconnection has went on for 2 months now

Anon_123454321

Date posted: 8w

Hi!! This might sound weird, but try to think of your intrusive thoughts and OCD like a separate thing from yourself. Like, “I don’t think I feel that way, my OCD does.” Also, label it when you have those thoughts! For example, “what if…” - - -> tell yourself, that’s an intrusive thought from a chemical imbalance in my brain called OCD. This will help separate you from your OCD! You are not your OCD!! I hope this helps!

Anonymous 168

Date posted: 8w

@Anon_123454321 Thank you for this! Might I ask how I get the connection back if all I’ve thought were bad things and I feel a disconnection from him? I feel so much guilt and pain that I feel like I’ll never truly love him the same again

Anon_123454321

Date posted: 8w

@Anonymous 168 First, take a breath!! You’re okay, and everything’s okay. OCD feeds on guilt and shame, and it sounds like you’re feeling guilty, which is a normal human response to these thoughts. But first, I want you to think, do you feel that way or does your OCD? When you’re together focus on the good your partner does, and if you start to feel unhappy or fear the feelings are gone say, “maybe I’m happy, maybe I’m not, but I think this is an intrusive thought. I feel happy right now, maybe that will last, maybe it won’t…” This will be really hard at first and you might have to do it 10x in an hour. I would really start off with labeling your fear of lost feelings as OCD and see if they begin to subside, which I think they will. But, I’m not a professional in any way for the record, lol. However, spend time together, and give your partner a chance to prove you or your OCD wrong. Relax together, laugh together, just exist together! I also really recommend the book Brain Lock! It has changed my life and I’m not even halfway through it!

Dani.c

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w

@Anonymous 168 jumping in here- through a lot of working on my ocd there was a huge emphasis on living in the present moment. i think you’ll find that there’s a lot there. every laugh, emotion, conversation, fun experience, fun fact, everything that happens throughout a relationship will ultimately naturally point you in a direction. letting yourself live in those present moment and feeling those present feelings rather than this outside “how have i felt in the past or how will i feel in the future” or those thoughts like “is he right for me, do i like him, do i wanna be with him”. for me, i took it day by day. i told myself that whatever thoughts happened whatever feelings i had that felt intrusive to me, i’m gunna let that all be there because i still wanna call him tonight. yes, me, with ocd, wants to still call him tonight. so i did. and in those moments is where you gotta live. every moment. instead of trying to be in this perfect clean slate non-ocd position before you let yourself enjoy someone’s presence. because accepting that you are having these thoughts allows you to take it with you as your story rather than trying to erase it (we can’t). allll of these moments are what make up life! for me, the more i did this the more i just look back and realized, oh wow i’m having fun. or oh wow i love him. in allll those little moments. and the guilt of having these thoughts came and went for me, but with time it’s something you learn to accept and attach less meaning to. at least that’s my experience. i had to accept that i was having these thoughts and that i would act on my values anyway. this is what has helped me, and hopefully it’s somewhat good insight!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 8w

Hello Anonymous 168, I see you are struggling with intrusive thoughts surrounding your relationship. Its important to highlight that an intrusive thought, is defined in part, by the fact the the thought goes against the values of the person experiencing the thought. This difference between the thought and values a person holds, is what causes the thought to be distressing. When experiencing an intrusive thought, if a person try to "figure" it out, this makes thought come back and feel more distressing over time. Rather than trying to "figure" this out, have you instead tried to sit with uncertainty? Were you able to let the distress pass? Did you struggle to figure out how to start? At NOCD we are trained experts in the diagnosis and treatment of OCD and related conditions using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard of treatment for OCD and related conditions, with the better part of the past century's research backing the efficacy of ERP. If you would like more information on OCD and ERP, please visit our website at www.treatmyocd.com. If you are seeking to begin/resume your journey of recovery, you may reach out to our member advocate team at care@nocdhelp.com. I hope this message reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help! Take care, Ian M. Reeder

Eve1998

Date posted: 8w

You’re not alone!

Anonymous 168

Date posted: 8w

@Eve1998 Have you ever been through this?

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