I'm losing hope again

Yeah and I haven't had quality sleep in a very long time. I don't even remember the last time I had good sleep exactly but it was in this year. I just hate living like this. What do you think about medication

@BigGyro09 Medication will not be a cure for mental health issues, it never will be...but what it IS, is a helping hand for YOU to be able to help YOURSELF. That's the only way I've found my OCD to get better...medication helped me to have just the right amount of strength to help myself.

@YouWillSurvive If you don't mind, could you describe how it helped you? How did you feel after you took the medication? How long did it take until you felt it was helping?

I don't disagree with that at all. My psychiatrists tell me the same thing. I'm down for the idea of medication but it's the uncertainty that ironically keeps me from being fully on board. And then I know I have to debate with my family on that if they ever found out that I was on medication

@BigGyro09 Are you paying for the medication yourself? Do you have your own insurance?

@YouWillSurvive I have insurance that can help. I haven't started paying yet

@BigGyro09 If you're an adult and you can go through with this medication completely independently, I don't see any reason to tell your family. This is for YOU, this is YOUR LIFE. Screw anyone else. You need to do whatever you need to do to help yourself, because at the end of the day, you write your own story. Make it a good one!

@YouWillSurvive My therapist has said the exact same thing but I feel terrible about doing something like this without them knowing, even though I know I have a right to keep this stuff private. I've just never done that before and never been put in a situation where I've needed to do that.

@BigGyro09 If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done!

@YouWillSurvive I've read that accidental overdoses can happen and this can kill you. I'm worried they it'll be it'll change me negatively for the rest of my life if I do take it.

@BigGyro09 Well you can either feel unsure and never do it and continue feeling the same way, or take the risk. OCD recovery is FULL of risks in and of itself. Trust me, you'll never know what lies beyond for you in your recovery if risks aren't taken.

@YouWillSurvive I get that that's the reality of this, but I also don't want to lose myself or die from this. Those are my biggest fears. Another one if the side effect of suicidal thoughts and I don't want to go through that. Main point is, I don't want to die.

When you say it's exhausting, overwhelming, and sucks, were you referring to OCD or taking medication? I hope it was the former. I can't think of any other solution to sleep other than sleep medication or going to sleep really late to where I can sleep since I have become used to that time. Have you taken medication? What was your outcome? I know it won't be the same as mine because it's different for everyone, but it would be helpful to hear anyway

Sleep aids are also scary because then I worry that I'm not going to wake up from my sleep or something like that.

@BigGyro09 I was referring to the anxiety around taking medication, not medication itself. I think sleep medication/sleep aids, changing how you view sleep, and changing your routine will help. 1. Having a consistent routine is what makes you feel well rested, not how many hours you get(though that’s still important). If you get 5 hours one night, then 8 the next, you will still feel tired because you aren’t being consistent. Have a consistent routine, no matter the time, you can focus on changing the time you go to bed later. 2. Some sleep aids that work that you might or might not have tried: tea that is marketed for sleep(there’s a good variety to try), cherry juice, exercise before bed to tire your body out, meditation and breathing exercises, distractions(like reading an interesting book or watching a show you like to fall asleep, or better yet having a narrator with a really boring voice read to you lol), asmr(this really helps me, it’s distracting and calming just pick the right kind), and finally, what worked best for me was being prescribed hydroxyzine. It isn’t a sleep medication it’s an antihistamine that’s normally for treating panic attacks. It lowers your anxiety for a few hours and had a bonus side effect of making me really drowsy, helped when I was in a cycle of not sleeping for days at a time. I personally haven’t tried any sleep medication, just psych meds, and I cannot guarantee it will work for you or be a fun time, every body is different and is affected by medication differently. The point is though that you deserve rest and the risk is worth it. If it doesn’t work, or if you have side effects or something else you’re scared of, you’ll be able to handle it *if* or when it happens. Avoiding it is avoiding the possibility of success. 3. Your brain might be associating sleep/bed time with anxiety, because you want to fall asleep and you’re scared it won’t happen again. If this is the case, you need to be okay with the possibility that you won’t be able to sleep that night. It might happen, it might not, you’ll be okay either way. It’ll happen eventually, your body will eventually fall asleep, just maybe not tonight. Worrying about it will directly cause you to not sleep.

@FearIncarnate I view sleep with anxiety because every night that's when my anxiety and worrying begins. When it's not being done in the day through compulsions, it's being done in the complete dark of my room where I have little distractions while trying to sleep. My sleep aid consists of playing a video in the background until I fall into deep sleep. It works sometimes and sometimes not. The only time I've taken medication in my life was for Advil and antibiotics. Advil always helps with my headaches and pm Advil helped me sleep very well one time. How have psych meds affected you? How do you feel after you've taken it for a long time? Have you ever adapted to the meds to where it didn't work? A big fear of mine is having medication change who I am permanently or worse, it will kill me. I read that you can accidentally overdose and I don't want to risk that. I'm just too scared. I'm also scared that the medication won't work