OCD is a new definition of pain and suffering

@julianofnorwich So true!!!

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes!!!! Definitely

@Tea and Honey Of course u are, I’ve been a huge Star Wars fan since the 70’s 😁

@Cali_Guy_41510 It's awesome!!

@Tea and Honey I’ve had a passion for Star Wars for many years

@Cali_Guy_41510 Just wanted to let you know that the the trauma level is very high. My dad is in the hospital. It's very bad. Very very bad. I might not be on the app too much. However, I am noticing that as my dad starts to improve, the OCD wants to come back. When I am in the middle of crisis and trauma, the OCD doesn't bother me because I don't have time for it. I just get over it. But I know the OCD is going to want to creep back. My family is still very far from returning to normal life.

@Tea and Honey I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a feeling you were going through a rough time now. I prayed for your dad and you and your family. I wish I could do more. If u need to chat , I’m here

@Cali_Guy_41510 Thank you for praying for my dad. He's still in the ICU. Thank you so much for being there

@Tea and Honey You’re welcome. I continue to pray for your dad, and you and your family

@Cali_Guy_41510 It's bad. And the Ocd creeps back with my dad starts improving

@Tea and Honey I know you’re going through a tough time. I wish there was more I could do

@Tea and Honey I know you’re going through a tough time. I wish there was more I could do.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Thank you!! Thank you for being there. That means a lot. I'll be texting more lately if the OCD gets worse

@Tea and Honey I’ll be here. I got some stories to share when you’re ready

@Cali_Guy_41510 Send them anytime! I'll be a little hit or miss for a while, but I REALLY want to hear your stories

@Tea and Honey Well I guess I shouldn’t say stories, but more like struggles 😂 I just been struggling with my anxiety and depression lately. My therapist says my anxiety is from the ocd. I’m not sure where the depression is from. Like maybe I’m depressed because I’m struggling with ocd

@Cali_Guy_41510 I would love to hear and help you

@Tea and Honey Thanks. I just have anxiety bad , like for over 3 months now. All throughout the day . And I’m so over it. I believe my ocd doubled because of it. I was really hoping the Prozac would get rid of it all, and once I got on 80 mgs of Prozac I felt a little better. But then lately I’ve been paranoid that 80mgs is too much and im over dosing on Prozac or it’s messing up my brain😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't worry. 80 mg is kind of a standard dose for Prozac. And it's not going to mess up your brain! That's just the OCD talking!! I've been on Prozac for 15 plus years. Don't worry!! It's going to be okay!!! The OCD is messing with you. I hear you about the anxiety. Let's pray: Dear God, Please help my friend. Please give him hope that the anxiety can be healed, and please heal it in your timing. Please help him to rest in you, and help him to trust that you are working even in the hard times. In Jesus' name, Amen

@Tea and Honey Just remember that God is building our character through the trials. So the time that you spend "in the trial" is not wasted with God. He can help you overcome the anxiety. And in the meantime, he is adding to your life by building patience in you (during the time that you are in the trial).

@Tea and Honey I need to remember this. It's hard to apply to myself in my own trials when it comes to OCD. I am feeling guilty and worried that I didn't wear my mouthguard last night and I was grinding my teeth all night. I know I should have been wearing it. If I grind my teeth too much, I might fracture a tooth eventually. But instead of applying God's grace and moving on with my day, I want to be struck in guilt. If anyone else told me that they did exactly the same thing, it would be clear to me that they should just accept God's grace and move on. But the guilt wants to stick around and beat me up. And I don't dismiss it like I should.

@Tea and Honey Thank u so much. I needed that prayer. I’ve been on Prozac off and on since 1994, but I don’t think I’ve ever been on 80 mg before. The first two weeks of being on 80 mg I’ve been OK but starting Halloween, I started getting really nauseous and weak and lightheaded. And got a headache. And it’s been going on since then, I already had to call out sick twice this week from work. And it’s actually bothering me when I sleep. I wake up because I feel like agitated while sleeping. It’s kind of hard to explain. And of course, my health anxiety is making me assume the worst. I’m gonna message my psychiatrist today and ask him if this could be related to switching to a higher dosage . I keep thinking something bad is gonna happen to my body or mind from this high dosage. Hopefully this is just side effects that’s not harmful

@Cali_Guy_41510 That is interesting. Let me know what the psychiatrist says. I don't know enough about the drugs. But maybe the symptoms are related to the dosage. I think it's important to tell the psychiatrist how long you have been on the higher dosage. I think that sometimes it takes weeks for the full effects to kick in.

@Tea and Honey Try not to let the health OCD bother you during the process of figuring this out!

@Tea and Honey In any case, you will be okay!!!

@Tea and Honey Thank you, I’m so happy to hear from you, I messaged my psychiatrist yesterday and I told him for the first two weeks of being on the full 80 mg I was fine but the third week I started getting the symptoms. So he said since I was OK for the first two weeks, it’s probably not the Prozac making me feel sick. It might be a bug or virus or something. But of course, the OCD makes me think otherwise 😩 and of course I’ve come up with other reasons to make me think something bad is going on with me, it could just be very well a virus or bug , but of course I can’t convince myself that

@Cali_Guy_41510 I hear you! Let's lift that all up in prayer and try to trust God to take care of this. Praying now

@Tea and Honey Thank you very much. I’ve been working on my prayer OCD lately. I had a good talk with Jesus today and just said I want a relationship like a loving father and son does, I don’t wanna feel like I have to constantly say the same prayers all throughout the day And asked the same thing over and over and over. You know what’s in our hearts , and you know what we need and we don’t need, and you already know what we’re gonna ask before we even ask. So please let me just pray to you normally without the fear of being punished or one of my loved ones being punished for not asking enough or praying correctly

@Cali_Guy_41510 That is great!!!!!!!

@Tea and Honey Enough about me, how are you? How’s your dad?

@Cali_Guy_41510 I am upset inside... but I know that everything will be good in time

@Tea and Honey Just walking around upset all day

@Tea and Honey I know things are difficult. I had a bad day today and tonight due to my ocd compulsions. I almost took it out on my family. I’m trying to calm down. Let’s continue to pray for each other ok ?

@Tea and Honey I usually lie on the couch all day and be upset

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes, let's do that!

@Cali_Guy_41510 I hear you

@Tea and Honey I've spent hours on the couch ruminating etc

@Tea and Honey I tend to try to figure out how to fix myself and watch ocd and anxiety vids all day . And refuse to enjoy life until it goes away.

@Cali_Guy_41510 I get it!

@Tea and Honey Want to talk about any struggles you are having lately? I would love to hear. Have you gotten an update on your medication?

@Tea and Honey Just the last thing I told u about my med is the latest. My psychiatrist just told me maybe I may just had a virus and to continue taking the 80 mgs Do I want to talk about any struggles I have lately? ….. how much time u got? 😂 Still struggling trying to do the ERP with my repetitive question asking and asking people to repeat themselves. And I’m trying to really work on my prayer ocd these past two days. It’s like to the point where if I don’t want to do prayer compulsions… I find myself not being able to pray at all … because it seems all my praying has been a compulsion 😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 I REALLY do want to talk about the struggles you have been having lately. It's been in my mind to talk to you about those lately. Please share all you want!!!!!!

@Tea and Honey I understand getting to the point where you don't want to pray at all. I think that is normal. I took a long "vacation" for over a year where I hardly prayed. It did not hurt my relationship with God at all. I think it's OK to take a break from praying all the time.

@Tea and Honey Hey, sorry for the late response, yeah lately I’ve been working on my prayer OCD, and trying to eliminate doing it. And just trying to focus on having a normal loving relationship with God and not one forced by OCD. It just feels like since I’m trying to stop doing all the OCD prayer compulsions, it feels like I don’t even pretty much pray anymore because I think before, 90% of all my praying was OCD compulsions. So now that I stop I feel like I don’t pray much. As far as taking a break from prayer, I don’t wanna do that, but I do want to stop Praying the way OCD makes me pray. And just pray normally.

@Cali_Guy_41510 That sounds really good!!!!! I think whenever we stop compulsions, there is a bit of an empty space. It feels strange. We don't always know how to fill that space. This IS NORMAL.

@Tea and Honey Yea I’m just trying to tell myself God isn’t going to punish me or my loved ones for not praying excessively, and he understands what’s going on with me

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes! Totally true!

@Tea and Honey I think because I’m stopping the excessive prayer it’s been making my anxiety act up lately. How are u and everything else?

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yep! That makes total sense. OCD will do that. So don't worry about it!! The longer you go without compulsions, the more your brain and body will get used to it

@Tea and Honey In other words, your brain and body will freak out at first because you stopped compulsions. That will make anxiety rise. But after a while, you will get used to not back the compulsions. And then you will feel better

@Tea and Honey Used to not having the compulsions

@Tea and Honey Huh? What do u mean ? When u say used to not having the compulsions

@Cali_Guy_41510 lol, I was fixing a typo above

@Tea and Honey Because I originally said "used to not back the compulsions" , which was wrong

@Tea and Honey Ohh ok sorry. I’m kinda slow😂

@Cali_Guy_41510 lol, it's fine!!

@Tea and Honey How are doing today?

@Tea and Honey Hey , I was just about to message you, continuing what I was gonna say last night. I’m OK, hanging in there, yeah I think since I was doing my obsessive prayer OCD for over 35 years everyday all day , and now I pretty much abruptly stopped because of therapy, it’s making me have some type of anxiety all throughout the day and night, maybe because now it’s not taking over my mind? Like all throughout the day. Like before I felt like I needed to do it at all times of the day and to get relief from the compulsions, but now I’m just not praying at all, except when I do one long prayer in the mornings to last me for the whole day.

@Cali_Guy_41510 This is totally normal. I remember Mark DeJesus talking about this on several of his videos. When we stop doing our OCD things in our brains, we suddenly have so much more space in our lives. And it feels like we're doing something "wrong". In fact, it feels like we're going about the day in just the "wrong" way. However, just remember, that you are actually doing absolutely the right thing. A key part of OCD recovery is learning to just go through the day--even when we feel really weird or even icky inside. It's just "par for the course." So don't worry! You are doing the right thing!. The feeling of empty space is normal. The feeling of extra anxiety is normal. Just stay on the path! You are doing great! I am proud of you!!

@Cali_Guy_41510 You are doing the right thing! You are on the right path. Just keep going. God has got you! He loves you, and he doesn't want you to live a life that is tortured by the OCD :):)

@Tea and Honey I know, and I’m trying hard to believe that. I even started thinking about making a deal with OCD, saying …you know I’ve been having this prayer OCD for over 35 years, maybe I could just continue to do it and suffer in silence. It’s not so bad….. I lived this long with it… I could keep doing it…But I figure I’ve already started trying to stop. . So I might as well Keep going.

@Cali_Guy_41510 - It's important to keep trying to stop! It's good for your relationship with God, and it's good for you personally, and it's also good for you family. Keep going forward! You can do it!

@Tea and Honey Hey what’s up. Sorry it took so long to reply. Just taking it day by day with the ocd and anxiety struggles. I wanted to share with u what happened last night. So… for these past few months I’ve told God that I’m gonna be a better Christian, I guess if he helps me recover from all this ocd and anxiety I’m having lately, and one of the things I was gonna change about myself, is to stop the unhealthy habit of engaging in impure conversation and telling impure jokes and engaging in just over all bad conversations , especially with some of my co workers. I’ve been doing pretty good lately, but last night at work I was feeling good and I started joking with my guy co workers and making them laugh with the dirty jokes and foul conversation etc etc After awhile I just started feeling so guilty, like I failed and broke my promise to God because I said I was gonna change and be a better Christian. But I got caught up in the moment last night, and I guess I was in a good mood and just for once wanted to feel “normal” again, because these past few months I’ve been hit hard with anxiety and ocd and I guess I kinda made a deal with God… like, if u help me get better I’ll try to be a better Christian and act like one. But last night, after engaging in all that with my coworkers I started to feel very guilty and my anxiety started up. I felt like I was being punished , and will be punished, for not doing what I said I was gonna do and slipping back to my old ways

@Cali_Guy_41510 That's not how God works. He does not sit in heaven and just want to drop the hammer on people who disobey. Consider this an opportunity to understand God's goodness in a deeper way. The Bible says that we are God's children and that he lavishes love on us. Now imagine that one of your kids was really struggling, or that one of your kids sinned. But this kid really wants to be close to you. And the kid is sorry. How would you respond? You would gather the kids in your arms and forgive him and encourage him to keep going. Or imagine that I came to you with a similar story as yours. You would not be angry with me. You would know that I am trying my best. The good news about Grace is that it is limitless. It is like the ocean always having water. There is always more. I understand where you are coming from. I really do. When we have OCD, we tend to view God through a punishment-based lens. We need healing in our view of God. When the guilt comes back, you can claim 1 John 1:9, which says that if we confess or sins, he is faithful and will forgive us and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. That's a promise. I know OCD wants to wrap around the "deal" part. But you have to realize that that is just OCD. And God operates outside of OCD because the OCD is just a disease.

@Tea and Honey Thank you. I’m so glad I can tell u things because u understand. Especially when u explain things with a biblical sense with scriptures. I’m just trying so hard to be a good Christian. And I feel like I failed… because I should be setting a better example to my co workers who are younger guys, especially since they know I’m a Christian and go to church . I feel like I just showed them I’m a fake and a hypocrite

@Tea and Honey I know 😩 I feel like I’m responsible for everyone else. Like it’s up to me to make sure people are gonna be ok and it’s my job to bring them to know God and defend God, if someone says something negative about him, and if I don’t…God will punish me for at least not trying to

@Cali_Guy_41510 I have felt responsible for other people's salvation for many years. Sometimes I feel like saying the wrong sentence to them would end up sending them to hell. Or if I don't prevent them from doing something, and that would send them to hell. I understand this sense of responsibility. But the truth is that we have nothing to do with other peoples' salvation. It's been really hard for me to learn that. There's been about 10 people that I feel like I have accidentally sent to hell through little mistakes that I have made. But God has made it clear to me that I am not responsible for their salvation. So I need to work on not getting stuck in this. I think it's a good for us to recognize this and to work on it and to practice remembering the truth when we can . But I totally understand the struggle.

@Tea and Honey Yes, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone. I’m just really trying to be a good person and I keep thinking I’m not because I’m not perfect and I keep thinking God is gonna punish me or my loved ones because I don’t live up to his expectations, or the rules. But I know a lot of these rules just come from OCD.

@Tea and Honey So in your other message previously, you said OCD wants to wrap around the deal part. What do you mean by the deal part? This is what you said…. I know OCD wants to wrap around the "deal" part. But you have to realize that that is just OCD. And God operates outside of OCD because the OCD is just a disease.

@Cali_Guy_41510 I think sometimes we have to stop trying to be good people. We just have to focus on our relationship with God. That's it. Then we can trust him to make us more and more like Jesus over time. But it's OK we make mistakes in the meantime. In fact, God uses all of those mistakes for his good and his purposes.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't worry about the deal part. I was trying to make the point that God doesn't have to play our OCD games.

@Tea and Honey Oh maybe u was referring to when I said I kinda made a deal with God that if he helps me get better, I’ll try to be a better Christian and act like one.

@Cali_Guy_41510 You're doing a great job! And you're on the right path. It takes a long time for us to change when we have been doing something the same way for a long time. I probably told you this before, but our brains are like a big grassy field. When we walk in a certain pathway for a long time, our brains make these neuro-connections. Eventually, it's like we wear down a path from the grass into a dirt path--and it's easy to follow. Now imagine following that path for years. It becomes very normal to us. When we want to walk in a new direction, we have to venture out into the tall grass. It can take months and months or even longer to wear down the grass down to into the dirt again. In other words, it takes time before the new path is easy to follow and feels comfortable and normal. But good news is that our brains have a lot of Neuroplasticity, so that we CAN form new pathways. It just takes a long time. The old pathways seem much easier and much more comfortable. But just keep practicing! And don't worry if you are not perfect in your practicing. You mess up, don't worry about it. Just get up and try again tomorrow. Everything is OK!!

@Tea and Honey Thank you, having help from my therapist and you is really helping me out a lot. I wanted to share with you some examples of what I’m struggling with lately , but I didn’t want to trigger you, but if you feel you will be OK let me know, and I will share it

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm looking forward to hearing your examples!!!! Please write all you want!!!!!!! I know how you are feeling right now

@Tea and Honey I don't think I will be triggered at all. Go ahead !!

@Tea and Honey OK, I’ll try to keep this short, and it may sound kind of petty to you, but this is what I’m going through lately. So I love video games, and last week a new call of duty game came out and I bought it, i was very excited to play it. Long story short, when you play multiplayer you level up and when you reach certain levels you get rewarded with a “emblem”, like a art picture placed next to your name, and you can try to level up to get multiple different ones. And the last final one that people are trying to get is an emblem that happens to be of the devil’s face. And that alone made me just think I shouldn’t even play this game no more, and I’ve been bummed out. I’ve been kind of playing it, but I’m still not sure if I should be playing it and I’m not really getting into it now. My friend and my therapist said I should just play it, but I’m having doubts now because of it. Like I don’t wanna be punished for playing that. Second … yesterday I decided to treat myself and buy a portable handheld PlayStation 5, it’s basically a PlayStation 5 that’s a handheld that you could play and take places with you. My therapist said I should still try to enjoy life and do what I enjoy doing along with my anxiety, so I went out and bought it just to help me relax and play games like I used to really enjoy doing, but this certain portable PS5 is called a PS5 portal, and I was very triggered by that word “portal” because I always think of portals being gateways to things that are evil and stuff. So I considered returning it. But it’s so awesome that I really want to keep it, and my friend told me just to keep it and stop overthinking things. I’m always trying to make sure I stay away from things that could be evil or Have something to do with evil because I don’t wanna be punished. Or associate myself with evil things

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm so sorry!!! I just read this now! I completely forgot to check this thread. And my phone did not give me a notification that you had written anything. Sometimes I depend on those notifications. Anyway, I completely missed your last message until now. I am so sorry!!!

@Tea and Honey How are you doing lately? I miss talking with you :-) my Dad is doing awesome lately! And he may be discharged very soon from the hospital. Life is starting to settle down a lot. I'm sorry I forgot to check this thread!! I totally missed your message. Please never think that you are bothering me. You can write anytime! I would love to help you anytime that I can. I completely agree with your friend and your therapist. Playing the new call of duty game and having the portable PlayStation are great things to do!!!! Don't let the OCD take these things from you. It is not sinful because of the emblem or because of the word portal. I understand that the OCD wants to mess with you about that. I totally know how that feels!!! However, it is HEALTHY for you to be able to do these things that you enjoy. Considerate that it is part of your ERP therapy to play these games and use the PlayStation. It is actually helping you overcome your OCD when you do that. OCD wants to make us feel like our life has to be stoic and 100% work and 100% suffering . But God did not intend for our lives to be that way. God intended for our lives to be free, and for us to enjoy them. And I think we bring more glory to God when we enjoy our lives then when we are so stuck in agonizing and perfectionism that we can't even live.

@Tea and Honey Hi, how are you? Thanks for replying back and for all the great kind advice. Yeah, when I haven’t heard from you right away I started thinking…Maybe you read my last post and was like OK…. This guy is just a little too weird for me 😂 but I know you would never think that , but you know I start overthinking things. Yeah, so those are just some of the examples of the struggles that I deal with, I always assume anything that’s related to anything evil or the devil I’m going to be punished if I partake in it or something bad is gonna happen. I’ve been doing much better with the prayer OCD lately, trying to limit all my prayers to one long, solid prayer in the morning instead of doing it all throughout the day repeatedly. I’m so glad to hear that your dad is doing better, I was praying for him often, these past few weeks. Thank you for all your help and advice. It really does help me, and just know I’m here for you as well.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't worry! All of the struggles that you describe are exactly the sort of things I have struggled with with my OCD. In fact, most of mine are way worse . So these struggles are very common for everyone. So don't worry! I would probably scare you with some of the things That I could relate my OCD struggles. A lot of the things I've dealt with make no sense, but have a sort of logic to them that is twisted.

@Tea and Honey But in the end, it's all OCD, so we have to learn to just throw it away

@Tea and Honey If you’re willing to share your experiences, you can if you want to. I don’t think I’ll be scared, I would like for you to feel that you could talk to me as well for support. I’m glad you understand Even with how odd my issues sound.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Ahhhh!!!! I don't want to trigger you

@Tea and Honey Does the idea of selling your soul trigger you? That comes up a lot for me

@Tea and Honey I know it has been a big trigger for many people with religious OCD

@Tea and Honey Selling your soul? Like to the devil? I don’t think things will trigger me, please do tell

@Cali_Guy_41510 Oh boy, i don't want to create any triggers. I'll just say there are multiple ways that the OCD tries to tell me that I'm going to hell. I'm learning to stand on the truth of God's word that I'm not going to hell, no matter what the OCD says. My latest is this... I was making a Christmas mug on the Walgreens website. My OCD said that if I moved a certain way, then I would go to hell. And then when I did it, the OCD wants to tell me that it's all my fault that I'm as good as dead now. Also, every time I see that mug, I'll be tempted to hate it because it feels like the mechanism where I lost my salvation. -------------///---------- lol. I'm not really spiraling over this. I'm just a little uncomfortable. I know what to do. I need to drop the OCD and go on with life. I need to pick up the mug and pour myself hot chocolate and say, "I love this mug!"--Just to slap OCD in the face, so to speak. But I am not practiced enough to be that strong. Instead, I just have to" ride out" the negative feelings that come with the situation. I also feel like I could lose my salvation for telling my in-laws details about my son's college choices. Oh boy. It's not true, but it feels scary.

@Tea and Honey These sorts of things happen to me all the time. 100 times a day maybe? Literally

@Tea and Honey But that's what you need to do!!! You need to play the video games just to slap the OCD in the face!!!!

@Tea and Honey Wow, u have similar experiences as me. Like I feel like if I play that call of duty game… I’m just gonna think of how wrong it is to play, and how I’m glorifying the devil by trying to earn the final emblem… or everytime I play the new ps5 portal, I’m gonna think…. “Portal”… gateway to evil and demons… and I don’t feel like I should play it. I’m like… why couldn’t they have named it something else?? But I like how u say just slap ocd in the face! I need to start doing that for reals. My therapist always tells me to tell OCD to F off!!

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yep!!! We are actually making progress when we break the OCD rules!!

@Tea and Honey It’s just a struggle, because yes, I want to slap ocd in the face so bad , and just live life…but at the same time ,when it comes to these certain things I’m struggling with, aren’t we supposed to stay away from things that could be evil or represent evil? Maybe I might be overdoing it, but almost my whole life I’ve always avoided movies , or songs or video games or TV shows, that had evil titles or a evil related title or words in them … like devil, demon, hell, witches, etc etc or anything that could possibly represent evil on them and I stay far far away from them. Arnt we supposed to be doing that? I always want to do what’s right and not disappoint God or get myself involved in anything bad. It’s a constant struggle

@Cali_Guy_41510 I learned something recently. When I make decisions like that, I have to make them with sound reasoning and not OCD reasoning. It's not sound reasoning to avoid something with the word "portal." The OCD tries to make us think that that is reasonable, but deep down we know that is not. Now, if you want to avoid movies like The Exorcist, then that's fine. That is sound reasoning. However, everything that you have wanted to avoid hasn't been a real problem. It's just your OCD trying to steal your enjoyment away from life. Don't let the OCD do that!! We know the devil wants to steal life from us. But God gives us freedom. He wants us to live in that freedom and enjoy our lives!!! You are not sinning when you play those games etc. You are claiming the freedom that God gives you. Even if the OCD makes you feel guilty, play the games anyway. You are walking in victory when you take God at his word, despite the fact that you might feel afraid. And you can take God at his word that he loves you and that he will guide you--and that you are SAFE in him, (not condemned or punished).

@Tea and Honey Thank u very much. U always bring me joy and relief in your explanations. You know, at times I kinda find it difficult to talk to my therapist about these things, because I believe he’s not a believer, if I understood him right . He kind of mentioned to me before that he doesn’t really believe in religion, we didn’t really go much into it but that’s the feeling I got from him, but he just tries to be open minded, I guess? So it’s hard to talk to him about things About God and Jesus cause I feel like he’s kind of like 🤷🏻‍♂️ so I don’t feel the connection with him like I have with you ..as believers in God

@Cali_Guy_41510 So sorry for the delay!!! We were traveling a bunch yesterday, and i wasn't on my phone much. I completely understand what you are saying. It's a little hard when people are not believers. But good thing that God is over your journey over all--and He's leading through me and through your therapist and through other ways too!! It will be a beautiful journey. You will see it when you look back over time. :):) keep letting me know what is n bothering you. We can work through it together!! :):) and I can do the same :):)

@Tea and Honey No need to apologize, I know u respond when u can 🙂 Yea im trying to rewire my brain. I’ve been dealing with religious ocd since like jr high. So it’s been many years of living according to ocd rules when it comes to prayers and what God expects of me. I’m currently working on the prayer ocd now. Which consumed a lot of my life. So far I’ve been successful with just saying one solid prayer every morning and trying not to relieve compulsions throughout the day by repeating prayers. I just keep reminding my self God knows my heart. How are things going with you?

@Cali_Guy_41510 How are things going for you lately?

@Tea and Honey I’m hanging in there, thanks for asking. Still seeing my therapist twice a week and I just had a follow up with my psychiatrist this past Monday about my medication. He told me he wants me to stay on the 80 mg to help with the OCD. Other than that, just trying my best to be happy and take care of my wife and son and live day-to-day with OCD. I always wonder how you’re doing if I don’t hear from you for a couple days, I hope all is well 🙂

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm doing a lot right now to take care of my dad. I've been staying with my parents for the last few days. He got home from the hospital and he still needs a lot of care. The OCD has its ups and downs. We just need to keep learning and taking little steps every day :-) everything is OK :-) :-)

@Cali_Guy_41510 How are you doing lately?

@Tea and Honey Hi, how are you? I’m so sorry I haven’t been on this app as much, just dealing with daily life. I had a phone appointment with my therapist today, so I decided to jump on here too. For the most part , everything is fine still struggling with OCD here and there and still trying to do the erp. Hope all is well with you.

@Cali_Guy_41510 I just had a zoom appointment with my therapist today too !!! It's helping! I'm in the same place you are. For the most part I'm doing okay, but struggling too. That's great that we aren't in a bad place!!

@Tea and Honey Hi, how are you? Sorry for the late response again I’ve been dealing with some health issues and depression lately so I haven’t been on here much. I’m glad you were able to see your therapist, I hope they are helping. My therapist is great and I see him through Zoom once a week now I pray all is well with you and your family and let’s continue to help and support each other.🙂

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm having a hard time lately. I decided to do ERP in a new area. And it's scaring me. I keep worrying that I've lost my salvation. This is normal for me, but it's intensified because of the ERP. And then my OCD keeps telling me that if I've lost my salvation, then I'm gonna be a worthless person and make everybody's lives worse around me. This is a powerful lie that upsets me. But I'm not in a bad place overall. I realize that this is practice ground for me. I need to keep going forward and keep practicing. It's hard. But it would be harder later on if I don't face these things now. I do need prayer at this time. I am absolutely not strong enough to overcome these challenges on my own.

@Tea and Honey I definitely will pray for you and I am here for you, yes I’m still struggling to do the ERP with some of my main compulsions. It’s scary and I have to keep telling myself. OCD is lying to me making me believe that I have to be a certain way and think a certain way or something horrible will happen, but I have to trust my therapist and definitely trust God

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes, this is a major step of trust in God. My brain has every reason to believe that I am not safe. And it's really really scary when I think about it. But this is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. Can I trust God when my salvation really does feel on the line?

@Tea and Honey Can I trust him to keep his word, even when my brain doesn't understand? I'm working on walking out these principles. It's hard. The doubts want to consume me. And I keep them at bay by constantly going over the truth to myself.

@Tea and Honey I truly believe God knows your heart and your intentions, but I know it’s hard as OCD tries to convince you otherwise. God loves us and wants to protect us.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes! Let's keep praying for each other. I am not strong enough for this current leg of my journey.

@Cali_Guy_41510 I don't think it's a coincidence that you were texting me now. I just started the ERP two days ago. And I am struggling.

@Tea and Honey Yes, I am here for you, and I will try to be as helpful as I can, I wish I knew all the answers, as I’m trying to find out the answers myself. I’m still struggling with my prayer OCD, I’ve been able to minimize the praying but throughout the day I still keep doing repetitive prayers worrying that if I don’t something bad will happen. Or God will allow something bad to happen because I didn’t pray to him correctly and ask him for help

@Cali_Guy_41510 It's a long term struggle. It takes time. You are making progress! Even if it doesn't feel like it. I am learning that sometimes God is happy if we are just going millimeters forward. I so understand. It's okay. I need to remember too that we don't have to get there all at once. :):) it's so okay Dear God, Please help us through our struggles. And please give us the faith we need. And please help us to beat these struggles. In Jesus' name, Amen

@Tea and Honey Thank you, I needed that prayer. It’s been a rough 6 months . And I pray things will get better for both of us

@Cali_Guy_41510 Gotcha:)

@Tea and Honey If u don’t mind talking about it. What does the ERP have u doing with your ocd ? Is it basically just sitting through your uncomfortable thoughts and not give in to compulsions?

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't want to trigger you!!

@Tea and Honey Don’t worry about that, I talk to my therapist about a bunch of stuff

@Cali_Guy_41510 This definitely would be triggering!!! Thank you though.

@Tea and Honey I appreciate you be willing to listen :)

@Tea and Honey It’s fine… u can tell me

@Cali_Guy_41510 I just talked to my in-laws, who are elders, and they said all these OCG questions are just fog and that none of it is dangerous, and let it just go. So I'm going to try to do that!!!

@Tea and Honey What’s OCG?

@Cali_Guy_41510 Sorry, i meant to say OCD

@Tea and Honey lol

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm working on letting the OCD go today. I'm working on focusing on scriptures, which are the truth. OCD keeps bringing my fears back to me. It keeps telling me that my life is over and that I've lost my salvation, and that I'm a ruined and useless person. It's no fun to have these lies come against me all the time. And then I have other worries of life coming against me too. But I believe that the more that I stand on the truth of God's word, the more I can let all of that go

@Tea and Honey Oh yea that’s what I was thinking u meant😄

@Tea and Honey That’s good. Yea it all comes to us having to really trust Gods love for us and he understands us more than we understand ourselves. I’m going through the same with trying to tell myself I won’t be punished for not praying a certain way or all throughout the day . I don’t know why my ocd convinces me God is out to punish me all the time

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes!!!!!!! Don't worry. You are not alone. My OCD always tells me terrible things too

@Tea and Honey Do you know when all this started for you? Or what started it? Like for me I started the prayer OCD when I was a kid. And it got worse when I was 13 in ninth grade.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Me too. I remember the exact day. I was 14 years old

@Tea and Honey Did something specific happen?

@Cali_Guy_41510 Nothing big. I read in the Bible about a certain sin and going to hell. My brain latched onto it

@Tea and Honey How about you?

@Tea and Honey I have some examples but I don’t wanna trigger you now

@Cali_Guy_41510 Lol, I so understand that. It was very tough getting OCD as a kid. I didn't know what it was, so I lived with it. I found out later that it ran in my family

@Tea and Honey I’m always afraid I’m gonna pass it on to my son 😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 God's in control. It doesn't always get passed on. Sometimes it doesn't. If your kid is not showing any symptoms, maybe he doesn't have it

@Tea and Honey I don’t want him to go through all the struggle that I went through and still going through today

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes!!!!! I deeply understand that. Just remember that God is good and that God loves your son more than you do. God has good plans for his life. :):)

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm so sorry!!! Those things are tough. Those are also things you can apply ERP to. Do you think you can practice "riding out" some of the anxiety without taking any action?

@Tea and Honey It’s very hard, because I keep googling my symptoms. And my doctor told me I should stop doing that. This week I’ve had really bad back pains, and I kept thinking it was my kidneys, so I had to go to a lab and do a urine test that came back negative for infection, and then last night I had to go get a CT scan to check for key kidney stones, I’m still waiting for the results of that. Now I’m starting to wonder if it’s my liver 😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 I think we have to take this out of the OCD realm. The OCD always distorts everything, so we don't know when to go get tested versus when we are just having anxiety. I am wondering if it would help to talk to an intermediary person before you go see a doctor. This could be a person you trust. When you are having symptoms, you can explain the symptoms to this person. And then he or she does the Googling for you. Afterwards, this person can make decisions if you go to the doctor or not. He or she will make decisions that are outside of the OCD realm. But I have to make a point here. You have to trust their decisions. No second-guessing. I know it's all always possible that they would make the wrong decision. But we have to understand that our own decision-making process is broken. It is too obscured by the fog of OCD for us to know which way to go. It is true that we will never KNOW for sure that they are going to protect us and keep us safe. Therefore, we are placing a trust overall in God while we use this method to make decisions . Therefore, we have to make a DECISION to go with their decision no matter how anxious we might still feel. EVEN IF the OCD screams at us inside. :):) This might not work for you. And if not, we can brainstorm some ideas of how to take this health away from OCD.

@Tea and Honey I dunno, my wife and best friend tell me to stop worrying about health and googling symptoms, but I don’t feel reassured unless it’s my doctor. I told my therapist I feel depressed because I feel like I live just to worry all day everyday about dying, instead of enjoying life. But I can’t help it😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 OK, here is another opportunity to practice ERP, just like we did with the prayer compulsions. The OCD is going to tell you that you are not safe unless a doctor tells you that. But you have to practice "riding out" the anxiety wave that occurs when you don't go to the doctor. Anxiety is like a wave. When you don't appease it, it gets worse at first. It goes higher and higher like a wave, but eventually it peaks out and starts to subside. Eventually, over time, it subsides. OCD recovery is about riding out the waves (kind of like a surfer :-) . When we don't do the compulsions, the anxiety goes up and spikes. But eventually, it will peak out and come down. So the next time that you have symptoms where you feel like you have to go to the doctor, I have a new strategy for you. You can tell your symptoms to your wife or your best friend, and ask them if they think that you need to go to the doctor or not. After that, you are not going to the doctor. This is going to accomplish two things for you. 1.) It is practicing denying the compulsion of going to the doctor. With OCD, we have to deny all the compulsions that we can. This is hard, but it gets easier with time and practice. Like I said, you'll have to practice riding out the wave of anxiety. You will feel really terrible inside , and your anxiety anxiety will spike, but you have to ride that out. 2.) It will also help you face the fear of death. This happens with me also. I also have a fear of death. And I also have episodes where I feel like I'm dying. Every time this happens, I consider that it is practice facing my fear of death. We both have nothing to fear in death because of Jesus. But if we practice looking at that fear in the eye a little bit, it's good for us. We can practice knowing that our souls are safe and that God is in control. We can remind ourselves that we're going to heaven, so we don't need to worry. ---------------------/////------- It's hard and it's scary to do ERP with Health OCD. But the next time you have symptoms and want to go to the doctor, you can text me, and I will be right here to support you!! I'll pray for you while you walk through this. And it will get easier and easier for you. Eventually, you'll look back and see how well you've done:):)

@Cali_Guy_41510 Sorry, I'm just reading this now too. My phone didn't notify me either. Okay.... just start practicing ERP with going to the doctor. You can do it!! :):)

@Tea and Honey When you say just start practicing ERP with going to the doctor, do you mean like stop going and messaging him every time I think something’s wrong with me? Yea my therapist helped me out with this a lot. Can’t think every little pain or ache I feel is something serious or gonna lead to me dying.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yep, that's what I mean:):):)!! ERP means a couple different steps. For starters, we allow the triggers to come to us. So, for example, you will allow yourself to feel triggered about your health. But after you fill the trigger, ERP is about "response prevention". This means that we do not respond to the trigger at all. So when your case, it means that you don't go to the doctor. This is very difficult, and it takes practice. And it's scary. And you might need lots of support through it. But the goal is to just keep practicing in little baby steps Until we get better and better.

@Tea and Honey Yea so many times I tell myself not to go to the hospital or contact my dr or get X-rays and ct scans because I’ve done this so many times and there’s never anything wrong with me. But when I try to resist my ocd tells me…..I know all The other times were false alarms.. this could be the very first time something is really wrong so u better get it checked. And the cycle repeats

@Cali_Guy_41510 When the OCD tells you this time it's real, you have to practice "riding it out". This means that you will experience very uncomfortable feelings. When you don't go to the doctor, your anxiety will rise higher and higher. But anxiety is like a wave. Eventually, it will hit a peak and subside and go down. So when your OCD tells you that "this time it's something serious, even though the last times weren't", you are going to be ready for it. You are going to choose not to go to the doctor, even though the OCD is going to scream at you that you are "not safe". You are going to EXPECT your anxiety to get worse for a time. It's going to happen. Just expect it. And then you get to ride out the wave like a surfer. However, the next time you have to do it, it will be a little bit easier. And the next time it will be a little bit easier. Until you get to the point where it's easy for you to resist going to the doctor all together. The next time you feel like you have to go to the doctor, message me! We'll practice riding out the wave together! !!!

@Tea and Honey Hi, I don’t know why I’m not getting notifications of you responding, sometimes I do sometimes I don’t, but sorry for the late reply. I have a appointment with my therapist today. Thanks for your all your advice and help. Yeah I will chat with you Next time I have my health anxiety flare up again. I’m at a moment now where I’m in between health anxiety worries, so it feels like my brain is searching for something to be worried about. Like my mind is waiting for something weird to happen to my body so I could assume it’s the worst and consider contacting my doctor. It’s as if my mind won’t allow me to be at peace, I have to have something to worry about at all times.

@Cali_Guy_41510 That's okay!! Sometimes I get the notifications and sometimes I don't also. You never need to worry! I hear you on this. But glad you are getting a break :)

@Tea and Honey How are things with u?

@Cali_Guy_41510 @Cali_Guy_41510 They are good! I have some struggles every day, but nothing has been bad. So I'm thankful. It would be really easy for me to focus on the difficulties. But I'm trying not to do that.