OCD is a new definition of pain and suffering

@julianofnorwich So true!!!

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes!!!! Definitely

@Tea and Honey Of course u are, I’ve been a huge Star Wars fan since the 70’s 😁

@Cali_Guy_41510 It's awesome!!

@Tea and Honey I’ve had a passion for Star Wars for many years

@Cali_Guy_41510 Just wanted to let you know that the the trauma level is very high. My dad is in the hospital. It's very bad. Very very bad. I might not be on the app too much. However, I am noticing that as my dad starts to improve, the OCD wants to come back. When I am in the middle of crisis and trauma, the OCD doesn't bother me because I don't have time for it. I just get over it. But I know the OCD is going to want to creep back. My family is still very far from returning to normal life.

@Tea and Honey I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a feeling you were going through a rough time now. I prayed for your dad and you and your family. I wish I could do more. If u need to chat , I’m here

@Cali_Guy_41510 Thank you for praying for my dad. He's still in the ICU. Thank you so much for being there

@Tea and Honey You’re welcome. I continue to pray for your dad, and you and your family

@Cali_Guy_41510 It's bad. And the Ocd creeps back with my dad starts improving

@Tea and Honey I know you’re going through a tough time. I wish there was more I could do

@Tea and Honey I know you’re going through a tough time. I wish there was more I could do.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Thank you!! Thank you for being there. That means a lot. I'll be texting more lately if the OCD gets worse

@Tea and Honey I’ll be here. I got some stories to share when you’re ready

@Cali_Guy_41510 Send them anytime! I'll be a little hit or miss for a while, but I REALLY want to hear your stories

@Tea and Honey Well I guess I shouldn’t say stories, but more like struggles 😂 I just been struggling with my anxiety and depression lately. My therapist says my anxiety is from the ocd. I’m not sure where the depression is from. Like maybe I’m depressed because I’m struggling with ocd

@Cali_Guy_41510 I would love to hear and help you

@Tea and Honey Thanks. I just have anxiety bad , like for over 3 months now. All throughout the day . And I’m so over it. I believe my ocd doubled because of it. I was really hoping the Prozac would get rid of it all, and once I got on 80 mgs of Prozac I felt a little better. But then lately I’ve been paranoid that 80mgs is too much and im over dosing on Prozac or it’s messing up my brain😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't worry. 80 mg is kind of a standard dose for Prozac. And it's not going to mess up your brain! That's just the OCD talking!! I've been on Prozac for 15 plus years. Don't worry!! It's going to be okay!!! The OCD is messing with you. I hear you about the anxiety. Let's pray: Dear God, Please help my friend. Please give him hope that the anxiety can be healed, and please heal it in your timing. Please help him to rest in you, and help him to trust that you are working even in the hard times. In Jesus' name, Amen

@Tea and Honey Just remember that God is building our character through the trials. So the time that you spend "in the trial" is not wasted with God. He can help you overcome the anxiety. And in the meantime, he is adding to your life by building patience in you (during the time that you are in the trial).

@Tea and Honey I need to remember this. It's hard to apply to myself in my own trials when it comes to OCD. I am feeling guilty and worried that I didn't wear my mouthguard last night and I was grinding my teeth all night. I know I should have been wearing it. If I grind my teeth too much, I might fracture a tooth eventually. But instead of applying God's grace and moving on with my day, I want to be struck in guilt. If anyone else told me that they did exactly the same thing, it would be clear to me that they should just accept God's grace and move on. But the guilt wants to stick around and beat me up. And I don't dismiss it like I should.

@Tea and Honey Thank u so much. I needed that prayer. I’ve been on Prozac off and on since 1994, but I don’t think I’ve ever been on 80 mg before. The first two weeks of being on 80 mg I’ve been OK but starting Halloween, I started getting really nauseous and weak and lightheaded. And got a headache. And it’s been going on since then, I already had to call out sick twice this week from work. And it’s actually bothering me when I sleep. I wake up because I feel like agitated while sleeping. It’s kind of hard to explain. And of course, my health anxiety is making me assume the worst. I’m gonna message my psychiatrist today and ask him if this could be related to switching to a higher dosage . I keep thinking something bad is gonna happen to my body or mind from this high dosage. Hopefully this is just side effects that’s not harmful

@Cali_Guy_41510 That is interesting. Let me know what the psychiatrist says. I don't know enough about the drugs. But maybe the symptoms are related to the dosage. I think it's important to tell the psychiatrist how long you have been on the higher dosage. I think that sometimes it takes weeks for the full effects to kick in.

@Tea and Honey Try not to let the health OCD bother you during the process of figuring this out!

@Tea and Honey In any case, you will be okay!!!

@Tea and Honey Thank you, I’m so happy to hear from you, I messaged my psychiatrist yesterday and I told him for the first two weeks of being on the full 80 mg I was fine but the third week I started getting the symptoms. So he said since I was OK for the first two weeks, it’s probably not the Prozac making me feel sick. It might be a bug or virus or something. But of course, the OCD makes me think otherwise 😩 and of course I’ve come up with other reasons to make me think something bad is going on with me, it could just be very well a virus or bug , but of course I can’t convince myself that

@Cali_Guy_41510 I hear you! Let's lift that all up in prayer and try to trust God to take care of this. Praying now

@Tea and Honey Thank you very much. I’ve been working on my prayer OCD lately. I had a good talk with Jesus today and just said I want a relationship like a loving father and son does, I don’t wanna feel like I have to constantly say the same prayers all throughout the day And asked the same thing over and over and over. You know what’s in our hearts , and you know what we need and we don’t need, and you already know what we’re gonna ask before we even ask. So please let me just pray to you normally without the fear of being punished or one of my loved ones being punished for not asking enough or praying correctly

@Cali_Guy_41510 That is great!!!!!!!

@Tea and Honey Enough about me, how are you? How’s your dad?

@Cali_Guy_41510 I am upset inside... but I know that everything will be good in time

@Tea and Honey Just walking around upset all day

@Tea and Honey I know things are difficult. I had a bad day today and tonight due to my ocd compulsions. I almost took it out on my family. I’m trying to calm down. Let’s continue to pray for each other ok ?

@Tea and Honey I usually lie on the couch all day and be upset

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes, let's do that!

@Cali_Guy_41510 I hear you

@Tea and Honey I've spent hours on the couch ruminating etc

@Tea and Honey I tend to try to figure out how to fix myself and watch ocd and anxiety vids all day . And refuse to enjoy life until it goes away.

@Cali_Guy_41510 I get it!

@Tea and Honey Want to talk about any struggles you are having lately? I would love to hear. Have you gotten an update on your medication?

@Tea and Honey Just the last thing I told u about my med is the latest. My psychiatrist just told me maybe I may just had a virus and to continue taking the 80 mgs Do I want to talk about any struggles I have lately? ….. how much time u got? 😂 Still struggling trying to do the ERP with my repetitive question asking and asking people to repeat themselves. And I’m trying to really work on my prayer ocd these past two days. It’s like to the point where if I don’t want to do prayer compulsions… I find myself not being able to pray at all … because it seems all my praying has been a compulsion 😩

@Cali_Guy_41510 I REALLY do want to talk about the struggles you have been having lately. It's been in my mind to talk to you about those lately. Please share all you want!!!!!!

@Tea and Honey I understand getting to the point where you don't want to pray at all. I think that is normal. I took a long "vacation" for over a year where I hardly prayed. It did not hurt my relationship with God at all. I think it's OK to take a break from praying all the time.

@Tea and Honey Hey, sorry for the late response, yeah lately I’ve been working on my prayer OCD, and trying to eliminate doing it. And just trying to focus on having a normal loving relationship with God and not one forced by OCD. It just feels like since I’m trying to stop doing all the OCD prayer compulsions, it feels like I don’t even pretty much pray anymore because I think before, 90% of all my praying was OCD compulsions. So now that I stop I feel like I don’t pray much. As far as taking a break from prayer, I don’t wanna do that, but I do want to stop Praying the way OCD makes me pray. And just pray normally.

@Cali_Guy_41510 That sounds really good!!!!! I think whenever we stop compulsions, there is a bit of an empty space. It feels strange. We don't always know how to fill that space. This IS NORMAL.

@Tea and Honey Yea I’m just trying to tell myself God isn’t going to punish me or my loved ones for not praying excessively, and he understands what’s going on with me

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yes! Totally true!

@Tea and Honey I think because I’m stopping the excessive prayer it’s been making my anxiety act up lately. How are u and everything else?

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yep! That makes total sense. OCD will do that. So don't worry about it!! The longer you go without compulsions, the more your brain and body will get used to it

@Tea and Honey In other words, your brain and body will freak out at first because you stopped compulsions. That will make anxiety rise. But after a while, you will get used to not back the compulsions. And then you will feel better

@Tea and Honey Used to not having the compulsions

@Tea and Honey Huh? What do u mean ? When u say used to not having the compulsions

@Cali_Guy_41510 lol, I was fixing a typo above

@Tea and Honey Because I originally said "used to not back the compulsions" , which was wrong

@Tea and Honey Ohh ok sorry. I’m kinda slow😂

@Cali_Guy_41510 lol, it's fine!!

@Tea and Honey How are doing today?

@Tea and Honey Hey , I was just about to message you, continuing what I was gonna say last night. I’m OK, hanging in there, yeah I think since I was doing my obsessive prayer OCD for over 35 years everyday all day , and now I pretty much abruptly stopped because of therapy, it’s making me have some type of anxiety all throughout the day and night, maybe because now it’s not taking over my mind? Like all throughout the day. Like before I felt like I needed to do it at all times of the day and to get relief from the compulsions, but now I’m just not praying at all, except when I do one long prayer in the mornings to last me for the whole day.

@Cali_Guy_41510 This is totally normal. I remember Mark DeJesus talking about this on several of his videos. When we stop doing our OCD things in our brains, we suddenly have so much more space in our lives. And it feels like we're doing something "wrong". In fact, it feels like we're going about the day in just the "wrong" way. However, just remember, that you are actually doing absolutely the right thing. A key part of OCD recovery is learning to just go through the day--even when we feel really weird or even icky inside. It's just "par for the course." So don't worry! You are doing the right thing!. The feeling of empty space is normal. The feeling of extra anxiety is normal. Just stay on the path! You are doing great! I am proud of you!!

@Cali_Guy_41510 You are doing the right thing! You are on the right path. Just keep going. God has got you! He loves you, and he doesn't want you to live a life that is tortured by the OCD :):)

@Tea and Honey I know, and I’m trying hard to believe that. I even started thinking about making a deal with OCD, saying …you know I’ve been having this prayer OCD for over 35 years, maybe I could just continue to do it and suffer in silence. It’s not so bad….. I lived this long with it… I could keep doing it…But I figure I’ve already started trying to stop. . So I might as well Keep going.

@Cali_Guy_41510 - It's important to keep trying to stop! It's good for your relationship with God, and it's good for you personally, and it's also good for you family. Keep going forward! You can do it!

@Tea and Honey Hey what’s up. Sorry it took so long to reply. Just taking it day by day with the ocd and anxiety struggles. I wanted to share with u what happened last night. So… for these past few months I’ve told God that I’m gonna be a better Christian, I guess if he helps me recover from all this ocd and anxiety I’m having lately, and one of the things I was gonna change about myself, is to stop the unhealthy habit of engaging in impure conversation and telling impure jokes and engaging in just over all bad conversations , especially with some of my co workers. I’ve been doing pretty good lately, but last night at work I was feeling good and I started joking with my guy co workers and making them laugh with the dirty jokes and foul conversation etc etc After awhile I just started feeling so guilty, like I failed and broke my promise to God because I said I was gonna change and be a better Christian. But I got caught up in the moment last night, and I guess I was in a good mood and just for once wanted to feel “normal” again, because these past few months I’ve been hit hard with anxiety and ocd and I guess I kinda made a deal with God… like, if u help me get better I’ll try to be a better Christian and act like one. But last night, after engaging in all that with my coworkers I started to feel very guilty and my anxiety started up. I felt like I was being punished , and will be punished, for not doing what I said I was gonna do and slipping back to my old ways

@Cali_Guy_41510 That's not how God works. He does not sit in heaven and just want to drop the hammer on people who disobey. Consider this an opportunity to understand God's goodness in a deeper way. The Bible says that we are God's children and that he lavishes love on us. Now imagine that one of your kids was really struggling, or that one of your kids sinned. But this kid really wants to be close to you. And the kid is sorry. How would you respond? You would gather the kids in your arms and forgive him and encourage him to keep going. Or imagine that I came to you with a similar story as yours. You would not be angry with me. You would know that I am trying my best. The good news about Grace is that it is limitless. It is like the ocean always having water. There is always more. I understand where you are coming from. I really do. When we have OCD, we tend to view God through a punishment-based lens. We need healing in our view of God. When the guilt comes back, you can claim 1 John 1:9, which says that if we confess or sins, he is faithful and will forgive us and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. That's a promise. I know OCD wants to wrap around the "deal" part. But you have to realize that that is just OCD. And God operates outside of OCD because the OCD is just a disease.

@Tea and Honey Thank you. I’m so glad I can tell u things because u understand. Especially when u explain things with a biblical sense with scriptures. I’m just trying so hard to be a good Christian. And I feel like I failed… because I should be setting a better example to my co workers who are younger guys, especially since they know I’m a Christian and go to church . I feel like I just showed them I’m a fake and a hypocrite

@Tea and Honey I know 😩 I feel like I’m responsible for everyone else. Like it’s up to me to make sure people are gonna be ok and it’s my job to bring them to know God and defend God, if someone says something negative about him, and if I don’t…God will punish me for at least not trying to

@Cali_Guy_41510 I have felt responsible for other people's salvation for many years. Sometimes I feel like saying the wrong sentence to them would end up sending them to hell. Or if I don't prevent them from doing something, and that would send them to hell. I understand this sense of responsibility. But the truth is that we have nothing to do with other peoples' salvation. It's been really hard for me to learn that. There's been about 10 people that I feel like I have accidentally sent to hell through little mistakes that I have made. But God has made it clear to me that I am not responsible for their salvation. So I need to work on not getting stuck in this. I think it's a good for us to recognize this and to work on it and to practice remembering the truth when we can . But I totally understand the struggle.

@Tea and Honey Yes, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone. I’m just really trying to be a good person and I keep thinking I’m not because I’m not perfect and I keep thinking God is gonna punish me or my loved ones because I don’t live up to his expectations, or the rules. But I know a lot of these rules just come from OCD.

@Tea and Honey So in your other message previously, you said OCD wants to wrap around the deal part. What do you mean by the deal part? This is what you said…. I know OCD wants to wrap around the "deal" part. But you have to realize that that is just OCD. And God operates outside of OCD because the OCD is just a disease.

@Cali_Guy_41510 I think sometimes we have to stop trying to be good people. We just have to focus on our relationship with God. That's it. Then we can trust him to make us more and more like Jesus over time. But it's OK we make mistakes in the meantime. In fact, God uses all of those mistakes for his good and his purposes.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't worry about the deal part. I was trying to make the point that God doesn't have to play our OCD games.

@Tea and Honey Oh maybe u was referring to when I said I kinda made a deal with God that if he helps me get better, I’ll try to be a better Christian and act like one.

@Cali_Guy_41510 You're doing a great job! And you're on the right path. It takes a long time for us to change when we have been doing something the same way for a long time. I probably told you this before, but our brains are like a big grassy field. When we walk in a certain pathway for a long time, our brains make these neuro-connections. Eventually, it's like we wear down a path from the grass into a dirt path--and it's easy to follow. Now imagine following that path for years. It becomes very normal to us. When we want to walk in a new direction, we have to venture out into the tall grass. It can take months and months or even longer to wear down the grass down to into the dirt again. In other words, it takes time before the new path is easy to follow and feels comfortable and normal. But good news is that our brains have a lot of Neuroplasticity, so that we CAN form new pathways. It just takes a long time. The old pathways seem much easier and much more comfortable. But just keep practicing! And don't worry if you are not perfect in your practicing. You mess up, don't worry about it. Just get up and try again tomorrow. Everything is OK!!

@Tea and Honey Thank you, having help from my therapist and you is really helping me out a lot. I wanted to share with you some examples of what I’m struggling with lately , but I didn’t want to trigger you, but if you feel you will be OK let me know, and I will share it

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm looking forward to hearing your examples!!!! Please write all you want!!!!!!! I know how you are feeling right now

@Tea and Honey I don't think I will be triggered at all. Go ahead !!

@Tea and Honey OK, I’ll try to keep this short, and it may sound kind of petty to you, but this is what I’m going through lately. So I love video games, and last week a new call of duty game came out and I bought it, i was very excited to play it. Long story short, when you play multiplayer you level up and when you reach certain levels you get rewarded with a “emblem”, like a art picture placed next to your name, and you can try to level up to get multiple different ones. And the last final one that people are trying to get is an emblem that happens to be of the devil’s face. And that alone made me just think I shouldn’t even play this game no more, and I’ve been bummed out. I’ve been kind of playing it, but I’m still not sure if I should be playing it and I’m not really getting into it now. My friend and my therapist said I should just play it, but I’m having doubts now because of it. Like I don’t wanna be punished for playing that. Second … yesterday I decided to treat myself and buy a portable handheld PlayStation 5, it’s basically a PlayStation 5 that’s a handheld that you could play and take places with you. My therapist said I should still try to enjoy life and do what I enjoy doing along with my anxiety, so I went out and bought it just to help me relax and play games like I used to really enjoy doing, but this certain portable PS5 is called a PS5 portal, and I was very triggered by that word “portal” because I always think of portals being gateways to things that are evil and stuff. So I considered returning it. But it’s so awesome that I really want to keep it, and my friend told me just to keep it and stop overthinking things. I’m always trying to make sure I stay away from things that could be evil or Have something to do with evil because I don’t wanna be punished. Or associate myself with evil things

@Cali_Guy_41510 I'm so sorry!!! I just read this now! I completely forgot to check this thread. And my phone did not give me a notification that you had written anything. Sometimes I depend on those notifications. Anyway, I completely missed your last message until now. I am so sorry!!!

@Tea and Honey How are you doing lately? I miss talking with you :-) my Dad is doing awesome lately! And he may be discharged very soon from the hospital. Life is starting to settle down a lot. I'm sorry I forgot to check this thread!! I totally missed your message. Please never think that you are bothering me. You can write anytime! I would love to help you anytime that I can. I completely agree with your friend and your therapist. Playing the new call of duty game and having the portable PlayStation are great things to do!!!! Don't let the OCD take these things from you. It is not sinful because of the emblem or because of the word portal. I understand that the OCD wants to mess with you about that. I totally know how that feels!!! However, it is HEALTHY for you to be able to do these things that you enjoy. Considerate that it is part of your ERP therapy to play these games and use the PlayStation. It is actually helping you overcome your OCD when you do that. OCD wants to make us feel like our life has to be stoic and 100% work and 100% suffering . But God did not intend for our lives to be that way. God intended for our lives to be free, and for us to enjoy them. And I think we bring more glory to God when we enjoy our lives then when we are so stuck in agonizing and perfectionism that we can't even live.

@Tea and Honey Hi, how are you? Thanks for replying back and for all the great kind advice. Yeah, when I haven’t heard from you right away I started thinking…Maybe you read my last post and was like OK…. This guy is just a little too weird for me 😂 but I know you would never think that , but you know I start overthinking things. Yeah, so those are just some of the examples of the struggles that I deal with, I always assume anything that’s related to anything evil or the devil I’m going to be punished if I partake in it or something bad is gonna happen. I’ve been doing much better with the prayer OCD lately, trying to limit all my prayers to one long, solid prayer in the morning instead of doing it all throughout the day repeatedly. I’m so glad to hear that your dad is doing better, I was praying for him often, these past few weeks. Thank you for all your help and advice. It really does help me, and just know I’m here for you as well.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Don't worry! All of the struggles that you describe are exactly the sort of things I have struggled with with my OCD. In fact, most of mine are way worse . So these struggles are very common for everyone. So don't worry! I would probably scare you with some of the things That I could relate my OCD struggles. A lot of the things I've dealt with make no sense, but have a sort of logic to them that is twisted.

@Tea and Honey But in the end, it's all OCD, so we have to learn to just throw it away

@Tea and Honey If you’re willing to share your experiences, you can if you want to. I don’t think I’ll be scared, I would like for you to feel that you could talk to me as well for support. I’m glad you understand Even with how odd my issues sound.

@Cali_Guy_41510 Ahhhh!!!! I don't want to trigger you

@Tea and Honey Does the idea of selling your soul trigger you? That comes up a lot for me

@Tea and Honey I know it has been a big trigger for many people with religious OCD

@Tea and Honey Selling your soul? Like to the devil? I don’t think things will trigger me, please do tell

@Cali_Guy_41510 Oh boy, i don't want to create any triggers. I'll just say there are multiple ways that the OCD tries to tell me that I'm going to hell. I'm learning to stand on the truth of God's word that I'm not going to hell, no matter what the OCD says. My latest is this... I was making a Christmas mug on the Walgreens website. My OCD said that if I moved a certain way, then I would go to hell. And then when I did it, the OCD wants to tell me that it's all my fault that I'm as good as dead now. Also, every time I see that mug, I'll be tempted to hate it because it feels like the mechanism where I lost my salvation. -------------///---------- lol. I'm not really spiraling over this. I'm just a little uncomfortable. I know what to do. I need to drop the OCD and go on with life. I need to pick up the mug and pour myself hot chocolate and say, "I love this mug!"--Just to slap OCD in the face, so to speak. But I am not practiced enough to be that strong. Instead, I just have to" ride out" the negative feelings that come with the situation. I also feel like I could lose my salvation for telling my in-laws details about my son's college choices. Oh boy. It's not true, but it feels scary.

@Tea and Honey These sorts of things happen to me all the time. 100 times a day maybe? Literally

@Tea and Honey But that's what you need to do!!! You need to play the video games just to slap the OCD in the face!!!!

@Tea and Honey Wow, u have similar experiences as me. Like I feel like if I play that call of duty game… I’m just gonna think of how wrong it is to play, and how I’m glorifying the devil by trying to earn the final emblem… or everytime I play the new ps5 portal, I’m gonna think…. “Portal”… gateway to evil and demons… and I don’t feel like I should play it. I’m like… why couldn’t they have named it something else?? But I like how u say just slap ocd in the face! I need to start doing that for reals. My therapist always tells me to tell OCD to F off!!

@Cali_Guy_41510 Yep!!! We are actually making progress when we break the OCD rules!!

@Tea and Honey It’s just a struggle, because yes, I want to slap ocd in the face so bad , and just live life…but at the same time ,when it comes to these certain things I’m struggling with, aren’t we supposed to stay away from things that could be evil or represent evil? Maybe I might be overdoing it, but almost my whole life I’ve always avoided movies , or songs or video games or TV shows, that had evil titles or a evil related title or words in them … like devil, demon, hell, witches, etc etc or anything that could possibly represent evil on them and I stay far far away from them. Arnt we supposed to be doing that? I always want to do what’s right and not disappoint God or get myself involved in anything bad. It’s a constant struggle