- Date posted
- 20h
it feels fkn real
I don’t know if I can’t tolerate this anymore. I always have a sinking pit in my stomach, a constant sense of dread that I’m gay. I present almost EVERY symptom of SO OCD, but my ocd keeps crawling back to the idea that I enjoy and find pleasure in graphic and gay thoughts. This makes me doubt my OCD, so I’m not getting treatment bc I’m scared my therapist will just say I’m suppressing feelings. Sometimes when I have a thought, for example, kissing a girl, I feel like a voice in my head is telling me I like it, and that I want to do it in real life. What’s strange is I feel like this SO OCD is like a chocolate covered strawberry. Let me explain, I feel like my true desires (being with a man) is the strawberry, the core. I feel like these thoughts are not my true self, but the chocolate coating on the outside of the strawberry. I imagine coming out and instead of exciting feelings that I get to date women, I feel dread and a pit in my stomach, like it’s not me thinking this. I’m losing my mind.