looking ocd? / pocd, is this a compulsion? (help me out please)

I've read about a few people who have staring/looking ocd, I think I have it aswell. because I stare/look at people, or sometimes even look at their private areas. I'm not even thinking anything sexual while doing that, I just do it, I don't know why. also on social media: ever since that zoom function is on FB and Insta I zoom in on pictures sometimes. months ago I accidentally??? like without thinking zoomed in a little and looked at a little girls chest, for not even a second, or maybe a second. and I was like 'no ew why did I do that??' like I said before I didn't think anything sexual or anything like that, I just had to look and I feel so insanely bad and disgusting. I read about a few people that have sortof the same thing, with looking at peoples private ares, people of any age, or apparently even animals. how did you overcome the guilt of this? and is this looking really a compulsion? my mind keeps trying to tell me I'm awful but I would never ever hurt a child! :((

HealingForLife

Date posted: 13h

I’m literally going thru this right now except my brain is calling me a murderer because I jokingly said out loud to myself “I’m going to kill my mom”. This came with intrusive thoughts & unwanted mental images. All because of overconsumption of true crime stories & a stupid expression I didn’t truly mean. Once my mind finds out that it’s completely wrong & I would never ever harm someone I love so much then it tells me I will be a future “child f*****”. Literally for no reason at all 😅. You can’t win for trying sometimes but just know: Your mind is taking advantage of your fears. You’re aware that it’s wrong which 99.9% confirms you have no desire to act on it & try to be kind to yourself. It takes time & patience with OCD but being apart of this community means you’re on the right track to healing! Be well 🙂

anonymousgirll

Date posted: 7h

@HealingForLife I'm so sorry you're going through it aswell! I know it's so rough. & thanks for telling your story. maybe put the true crime on a pause or a minimum so you can try and heal better :) the advice you give me also applies to yourself, I hope you will feel better quickly. I have no desires like that at all no, I feel so awful. I honestly don't really know how to stop thinking about it. I had posted this on OCD Reddit before, asking for advice and there was this one girl who replied "Yea, I would never post my kids online.. Yikes.." which I understand, I wouldn't either if I had kids, but the thing is I didn't do it "on purpose", I actually feel so bad aaa. "normal" people look at things aswell, maybe unconsciously, but I just make a big deal out of it for some reason.

LegoLover98

Date posted: 15h

Yeah I believe it is a compulsion and I do that too although I think I'm slowly getting better at not doing it as time goes on. I think it’s related to the phenomenon of becoming hyper aware of our surroundings and our bodies, which leads to the compulsion to mentally test/check things that trigger us to see how we react or if we get anxiety or intrusive thoughts from the person/thing we are looking at. But it usually backfires, because as you said, we feel disgusting or like creeps for even looking in the first place even if we didn't have the intrusive sexual thoughts or the intent/desire to look at them sexually. It also tends to make us think of the gross stuff because we often go into it with the goal of it NOT happening, so we essentially do the "don't think of a pink elephant" thing to ourselves. Eventually, due to how neural-plasticity in the brain works, these types of reactions can become nearly automatic because the brain has become habituated to it. This often leads to the moments of feeling shame or guilty when we recognize what just happened and then begin to obsess over the potential reasons why we seemed to just nonchalantly look at something/someone without thinking and wonder if we intentionally did it for nefarious reasons. And when that happens, it gets us stuck in the OCD cycle of doubt and uncertainty. I still struggle with the guilt/shame of doing this from time to time, but what I try to remember is that I feel this way because it goes against my morals and values. If I truly wanted this, I wouldn't feel so bad about it or try to make sure it doesn't happen. Another way I have, but it may or may not work for others depending on the themes they have, is that I think of the other people I've looked at that and the different parts of their bodies but I didn't do so sexually and I don't feel anxiety/guilt or arousal and then wonder if I'm into them. If I'm able to see the rational reality in those situations but not the one that is related to my theme, then I can be confident that my fear/guilt/shame is OCD related.

anonymousgirll

Date posted: 13h

@LegoLover98 thankyou so much for your long and informative reply and I'm sorry that you struggle with the same thing! I hope this can others feel less alone aswell though. this is so well explained. the middle part is exactly how this felt for me aswell, but there was no checking involved (that I'm aware of at least?), because I didn't check for any arousal or anything like that. It just became sort of an habitual thing, like you said, to look or zoom in on pictures and I did it before I could think about it. that it happened with a picture of a kid this time, is what makes me really ruminate and feel a lot of guilt. I am also trying to tell myself I don't feel so much guilt over this for no reason, but my head really keeps looking for a "reason" as to why I did what I did, if that makes sense? (head: "because I didn't check myself feelings, why did I look?" eventhough when it's about other things or grown ups, I also don't check for feelings, so why do I worry so much) that last advice is really good, I will try to think like that awell.

anonymousgirll

Date posted: 41m

actually, I can't stop questioning why I did it. I'm so scared it wasn't my Ocd and that a therapist is not gonna think it's Ocd either. I don't think I've ever felt this bad. if I wasn't checking for any feelings would it still be considered a compulsion? I don't understand it

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 25w

Looking at People Through a Sexual Lens?

Hi everyone, I have been struggling with something for a while and I am starting to wonder if it is related to OCD. For as long as I can remember, I have had this habit of looking at people, whether friends, family, or strangers and even kids, through a lens that feels like it is from the perspective of someone who might find them attractive or sexualize them. I don’t want to feel attracted; it just feels like my brain automatically puts them in that perspective. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember, and I honestly thought it was just part of me being curious or creative. I have always thought this was just a quirk of my brain, but now I am starting to wonder if it is an OCD thing, especially since it feels automatic and I get anxious afterward. Has anyone else experienced this? I did not think this was part of OCD, but now I am not so sure.

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 24w

Pls has anyone been through this?

Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?

EndOCD!

Date posted: 24w

I feel so guilty

I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?

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looking ocd? / pocd, is this a compulsion? (help me out please)

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