Christian Religious OCD

My religious OCD is having a field day with Christianity. I grew up Catholic, although we were the type of family who only really went to church on holidays. It was just a knowing of our belief in Jesus, and trying to live morally good lives. Knowing that Jesus died for our sins. Then my OCD latched onto the idea of “willful sinning”, knowing something is a sin but doing it anyway. I am not a saint. I swear, I engage in sexual activity, I tell white lies occasionally, drink alcohol occasionally…. Much less than the typical person. I know these things are sins according to the bible. I feel like I do decently well and am a decently good person. But my OCD has decided that because I don’t 100% align with the teachings of the bible, I must be going to Hell. The worst part is I don’t even entirely feel guilty, which makes me feel like I’m just truly evil and want these things. No amount of reassurance feels like enough, it feels like unless God told me directly himself that I’ll never be able to let this go. I’m getting frustrated with religion, and with myself. It feels like no answer is right. You would think the fear would drive me into being a perfect person, but its not, and what OCD deems as “perfect” feels impossible to attain. What am I supposed to do? How can you feel peace with God, while you’re also supposed to fear Him? I feel like I’m not good enough for Him, and never will be.

ocdmememachine

Date posted: 2d

I really don't think a loving god would fault you for something that you can't control. If that is the case he wouldn't have needed Jesus to die for everyone. At the end of the day, god knows your heart. Also Christianity has been warped to meet the need of the speaker. For the longest time, the Bible was used as an excuse for slavery, segregation and other things. On the other hand,The Bible can be also interpreted in different ways too so there is some uncertainty there too. Again I really don't think a loving god would fault misinterpretation or how you view his word either. (Unless you plan to hurt or use it for actually bad stuff like how they used it for slavery) So at the end of the day, I think its relationship between you the creator and jesus.

alissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@ocdmememachine Thanks so much for this. When I’m healthy, I fully agree with you. It’s so tough when our brains demand certainty where there never will be any. I, too, disagree with many things in the Bible, but even admitting that my OCD decides to use as “evidence” that I’m secretly evil. I try to use ERP skills to sit with that thought, then OCD tells me that doing that in itself is sinful. Its really never satisfied. Just going to have to take the risk to sit with uncertainty and hope a loving God would not want me to drive myself insane.

pixiebrain

Date posted: Yesterday

I grew up catholic and the older I get the more convinced I am that the men who wrote the rules of most religions were just guys with wildly unmanaged OCD. Just my experience here and full disclosure I left the church because organized religion doesn’t do it for me, but OCD loves absolutes, things are “right” or they’re “wrong”, “good” or “bad”, “sinner” or “saint”. I’m personally not any one thing and no one person that I’ve met falls neatly into any category. Religion seeks to answer questions where we have uncertainty in life, and too literal an interpretation can lead to the thinking of “god loves me so much that he’ll burn me in eternal hell because I ate meat on a Friday”. I choose to believe that if God is real they’re more evolved than we are, more understanding of the conditions of living than any human could ever be, and reserves judgement for serious offenses that have cause unmitigated harm to their children. I don’t mean to just give you reassurance against your obsession, the truth is that god is a mystery and we have to sit with the discomfort that we won’t know the answers about them. But I did want to share with you what has helped me come to terms with the shortcomings of biblical law that was written by men.

alissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@pixiebrain Thanks so much for this. This helped me tap back into my rational brain for a minute. When my OCD is managed, my views are very similar to yours. It’s crazy how much OCD can distort the lens which we view our values and opinions. Like you said, my OCD is demanding absolutes right now, and it doesn’t seem possible to ever find that. Ironically, I gave someone else on here almost the same advice a few months back, because I had also come to terms with it. Shortly after that it was like my brain malfunctioned again and said “well how do you know? Maybe you’re just secretly evil”. Attempting to disprove it through compulsions, a losing battle overall. Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to reply, it has helped ground me a bit. 💕

pixiebrain

Date posted: 11h

@alissaa Oh the good old maybe I’m secretly evil. If only I’d understood ocd in high school. Would’ve saved me so much from that obsession.

Abigailheals

Date posted: Yesterday

There are actually many saints in the Catholic Church who struggled with religious ocd. It’s more common you’d think. They’re still saints, prime examples in the Catholic Church. Our salvation is not dependent on our mental health or ability prove that we are or aren’t saved. God’s grace is far greater and the sacrifice of Jesus is sufficient for the sins of the WHOLE world. Nothing disqualifies you and nothing can separate you from His love. I encourage you to read Romans 8:37-39. I find some comfort in knowing He knows my heart and all of me more than I do or ever will. I could try to put those sorts of thoughts into words and present it to Him but even without words, He knows. I’ve felt the way you do too and, like with everything else, God helps us.

njsechres@ic...

Date posted: 22h

I have struggled with similar

sanshine

Date posted: 23w

Religious OCD

I used to have religious OCD. Still kinda do. Accidentally thought something bad about God once, panicked thought something bad about the Holy Spirit. Fell into doom. This was recently after recomitting myself to Christ. Since then I pretty much gave up. Unfortunately, it also led to me compromising my morals many times because I figured I was going to hell anyway. I wish I knew what OCD was then. I think it would have saved me a lot of pain. I no longer have a relationship with God, and fear I never will again.

MS2003

Date posted: 21w

OCD makes it near impossible to be a good Catholic

I've been doing more research on the ins and outs of Catholicism, and man are the guidelines very strict. They're not bad in any sense, and following them makes for a good person, but with ocd these guidelines seem near impossible to properly follow. For example, it's a mortal sin to have an impure thought, and commiting a mortal sin puts you in a state of sin. This means you cannot receive the eucharist (body of Christ) at mass, which is a way to connect closer to God. You have to confess in order to be free from mortal sin. This is fine and all, but this means in my case I'd have to confess almost every week, which can be so tiring. I'm not trying to bash on my own religion, but these guidelines make it so incredibly difficult for me to feel good about myself. Knowing I'm committing one of the worst forms of sin everyday. Intrusive thoughts are a constant thing, does that make me a child of sin? I even skipped mass today because I feel guilty about being in mortal sin, but skipping mass is also a mortal sin! I feel absolutely terrible about myself right now, and feel as if my connection with God has been cut and it's entirely my fault...

Cammy123

Date posted: 14w

Religious OCD

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

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Christian Religious OCD

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