Today I felt so lost and down. I’ve been making good progress in ocd recovery and last week was the first week in a LONG time I went without having a bad ocd day then this week it’s been kinda rocky. I’m kinda in the pummeling effect of ocd recovery right now where my ocd is throwing anything it can at me and on Monday one of my very old themes flared up and I started getting bad anxiety then I was okay yesterday then today was just bad. I had a scenario in my head of my partner leaving me, hating me, not loving me anymore or caring about me and my Brain was telling me to just leave him when it knows I love him so much and I know it’s irrational and it’s just my brain trying to get at me but it felt so scary then I was feeling guilty and stressed out earlier because of past guilt and it just sucked honestly. I let myself cry instead of holding my emotions in and now I feel better. It felt so real in the moment and now I’m not even thinking about it that’s how I know it’s ocd. pure o it’s so tiring and so is recovery but I know I need to recover not just for myself but for my friends and my partner. I want them to see me recover and see me happier without ocd bringing me down 24/7. I just wanted to make this post to show you that recovery isn’t going to be easy. There’s gonna be those days where you’ll be like “what’s the point” then you’ll remember why you want to recover. Please don’t let yourself get to the breaking point like I did. It took me almost wanting to end my life that I realized I had a serious problem. I’ve been in recovery for about a month now and it was definitely difficult the first few days but my anxiety is starting to lower but like I said, there have been bad days and I’m sure there will be many more bad days during my recovery process but ya know what? it’s worth it. my good days are outweighing the bad. I may have had a small breakdown earlier, I may have gave into compulsions, but that was the first time I’ve gave into compulsions in a month and I am proud of myself for that. I hope this can help some of you get started on your road to recovery. I know it seems scary but it IS okay. ocd is never right please remember that. sending love and positive energy your way <3

You got this ! ?

@huneyskiss Thank you ?

I feel bad for you

You have ocd 100%. I used to doubt having ocd like “what if it’s not ocd” and if you have thoughts like that then you have ocd. OCD is the doubting disease so ofc it will try to make you think you don’t have ocd. One of your themes is your relationship because ocd latches onto whats most important to us and tries it’s hardest to scare us and doubt the things we truly love. My thoughts are always trying to scare me into thinking he’ll cheat on me, that he doesn’t love me, hates me, doesn’t care about me or thinks I’m boring and doesn’t want to be around me, that he hates me for the past mistakes I’ve made even though he’s forgave me countless times - just I get the most irrational thoughts. He’s the sweetest, most kindest, caring , loving and trusting person I’ve ever met and I know he would never do anything to hurt me in a million years but ocd loves to play with my head and scare me into these false images, scenarios, and thoughts in my head. I also had a theme where I would doubt if I loved him and would do the confessing shit but he knows I love him so he would always calm me down that was around the beginning of our relationship a year ago but now I know I love him and we both want a future together and we both love each other a lot and we’re super close and I’m putting myself through ocd recovery because I got to a breaking point with my thoughts around a month ago, I was at the worst point in my life, it took me almost wanting to end my life a month ago to realize I had a serious problem with ocd and needed to change. I’ve been dealing with past guilt of my relationship lately since I’m recovering because I feel bad for my ocd affecting him and us but I am so lucky to have such an understanding partner. I can’t change the past but I’m maturing and going through ocd recovery to be a better person for the people around me.

@huneyskiss This has actually made me cry. I think it’s because I have found someone who understands me. Thank you. Did your guy get fed up with you at times because of the constant reassuring? My guy who is the most patient man I’ve ever been with is starting to exhibit signs of having enough. I am so damn needy.

@BrigitteRuth YES we were fighting almost everyday because my ocd was making up these things in my head. in September we had this huge fight and I could tell he had enough, he is always so patient but I could tell he was getting fed up with the constant arguing. I never meant to be that way but my ocd made me so immature where I was making problems out of nothing. We are long distance so my brain would read his text messages in a different tone than they actually are. I was so frustrated with my ocd I was taking it out on the person I love the most. That week in September it was the week after our one year when we had that big fight, we didn’t talk for a week and it was in that week of not talking that I realized I had a serious problem with my ocd and I needed to change for not only him, but my friends as well because I was starting to burden them with my own problems as well. I was getting angry with my thoughts because I knew they sounded stupid because they were never true. He truly is the most amazing person in the world and means a lot to me and I’m getting better for the people in my life that I care about. I don’t deserve to suffer like this and neither do my loved ones. Please reach out to a therapist for help before you reach a breaking point like I did with mine and please always remember that ocd thoughts are never ever true. recovery is hard but I’m making great progess. I’m starting to love life and taking things less seriously. I have apologized to everyone I have hurt because of my ocd and I do still feel guilt for the things in the past but apologizing and them seeing me get better is the best gift I could possible give them. I’m starting to slowly come off my medications so I think that’s the biggest step in my recovery.

I’m doing ERP recovery because it’s the only way to recover from ocd. And no I live in America.

It’s a pleasure to meet you as well! Just remember you’re never alone and there’s people just like me and you who are expierencing similar thoughts! :) I’m so glad you could have a great evening and I hope your weekend is lovely as well. As for ERP, I’m actually doing it by myself. There’s a great YouTuber called “Ali greymond” I suggest looking through her channel about ocd she answers questions and covers topics about ocd and uploads daily. Her channel made me realize all this suffering I’ve had is ocd. Trust me, the first week of erp recovery was difficult because my brain was adjusting to my new way of thinking and refusing reaction. Of course, there’s bad days but recovery will never be easy but it is worth it. If you’d like me to send you link to the videos that helped me hit me up on my email: chuusluv4eva@gmail.com I can make a playlist for you and send u the link to her best videos that have helped me through email. (´◠ω◠`)