HOCD PLEASE HELP

Every time I see a pretty girl I don’t want to admit to myself that she’s pretty because that will make me think I’m gay but I don’t want to be in a relationship with her but my brain is making me think that if a girl is pretty you’re gay. Does anyone else feel this way? Also kinda unrelated but some people say they liked the idea of a relationship with a man, but not the actual relationship. I used to be SO excited to get into a relationship with a man, i was obsessed (in a non ocd, excited, happy way!). I would see cute couple reels and be so excited because that will be me one day. I still want to have a relationship with a man not a woman, but now my brain is telling me I just like the idea, and I won’t like a relationship with a man even though deep down I have always wanted to have a relationship with a man. Im also feeling like I’m kinda losing attraction to men but I don’t want to and it feels like I’m gaining attraction (probably false) to women please help. I’m so scared it feels so real like I’m actually gay

elisabethj2001

Date posted: Yesterday

One thing that I read once that helped me a lot and that I repeated like a mantra was that when I have an obsessive thought, if I have any doubt about it, it's probably not true. Like for example, "if I was really gay, I wouldn't be so adamant against the idea." OCD, to me, sometimes feels like an insult to my intelligence if that makes sense. Like my brain is telling me something untrue, and it's silly, but all it is is a story. It's confusing, but thoughts aren't always true. I try to like my obsessive thoughts to fantastical thoughts like, again, your example: "I'm as gay as I am a fairy princess." Just because you think something doesn't make it true and it took me a long time to internalize that. I hope that helps even a little. If you want to talk about it, I'm here. I've struggled with HOCD too and I now just try to remind myself that just because I think another woman is pretty, doesn't mean I'm attracted to her, just like if I find a man attractive, that doesn't mean I want a relationship with him or would throw my life away for him. There are SO many other factors to consider.

🫩

Date posted: Yesterday

@elisabethj2001 Thank you, this helped me a lot!

pixiebrain

Date posted: 21h

As a gay man with OCD married to a man my brain will sometimes derail and get on the “what if I’m secretly straight”. What the last poster said above is spot on, is the thought absurd? Absolutely. I have gorgeous women my whole life and never once have I desired a sexual relationship with them. So why the sudden urgency to this question? I can walk through the exposure of like “yes, I’ve been secretly straight my whole life. I came out in high school and dated boys, ultimately married a man, all as some ploy to … get attention?” In sillier moments I remind myself that “despite all of the reasons not to be, I remain attracted to men”. I know that sexuality is spectrum and some people are bi but at nearly 40 I feel like I would have had more than an ocd thought around it if I was. I don’t mean to just give you reassurance, as I’ve learned the only way out of the obsessions/compulsions is generally through them and siting with the discomfort of uncertainty. But I hope this was a helpful perspective.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

HOCD or not?

Has anyone experienced where you love woman everything about them, even to the point where you still can get erections watching normal porn, lesbian porn etc. but you find your self still admiring a good looking man. I’ve went through the groinal responses when seeing a man but honestly after watching porn and realizing it’s not about sex it went away. On the other hand even when there’s a male and a female in a picture I can’t stop looking at the male and judging, but the minute they’re naked I’m fine and looking at the woman. I started watching porn at a very young age so I’m wondering do I only sexualize woman and admire the man so in everyday life I don’t see her as beautiful because she’s not naked ? I understand as a straight male I can still think guys are attractive but why do I constantly notice them more than women? I also can admire and see when a girl is beautiful in the face but then if a dude that’s more attractive than me pops up in staring at him. Has anyone experience this?

Mimo116

Date posted: 14w

I have HOCD,pls answer and share your opinion

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Mt2019

Date posted: 6w

HOCD can anyone relate?

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help

Sexual Orientation OCD

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