DAE have a fear of being autistic?

I know this may sound strange and this is no way meant to say people with autism are lesser or anything like that, but similarly to how i fear being gay even though I'm not homophobic and have no problem with gay people, I have a fear of being autistic. Everytime I see a list of autism symptoms online or a post on social media that's like if you do x you must be autistic I literally panic. I'm constantly monitoring my behaviour in case I show any signs and I'm always looking at old photos and videos of myself for the same reason. It's also annoying that I have a bad memory so I can't really rember if I did something in the past that definitely means I have autism. My brain keeps focusing on moments that could mean I have autism. Like if I misunderstood a joke one time in the past my brain keeps telling me that's a sign I didn't understand a social cue so I must have autism, even though there are probably countless times I have been fine with social cues, its just I can't remember. I have also had a time in the past where a therapist brought up I could potentially look into seeing If I have autism, but I just keep telling myself she said potentially and she only brought it up because of one potential sign and not a whole list of signs. My only reassurance is that I've never had anyone mention any autistic like behaviour to me or my parents when I was little and I keep asking my family if I showed any particular signs of autism and they keep saying no, but knowing my family they wouldn't have noticed even if I did. I just feel so scared and so guilty. There is nothing wrong with having autism just as there is nothing wrong with being gay, it's just so scary to me though, I really dont want to have autism and don't know why I just don't. Does anyone else feel the same?

truetrev

Date posted: 2d

Yes 100% i relate

equinedante

Date posted: 2d

Just jumping in as someone who was recently diagnosed autistic as an adult: I didn't have your fear (more I was worried after learning more that I would get assessed and be told I WASN'T autistic). But I will say that the period of uncertainty between when I first started to consider it and when I was diagnosed was the most anxiety-inducing time. Once I got diagnosed it was a huge relief. The clarity - even if it meant confronting challenges and reframing a lot of my self-image - was helpful. Now I'm in the process of continuing to learn more and integrating this new filter in my identity. There are a lot of challenges as part of being autistic, but there can be a lot of positives too. Reframing that neurodivergence is just another perfectly valid way to be a human is important. But if the anxiety lays in the uncertainty...maybe it would be helpful to learn more or even pursue an evaluation?

Emi_ly12

Date posted: 2d

I appreciate you sharing your perspective, I hope my post didn't offend you I really don't want to make autism seem bad because it's not. As you have said I think my anxiety is more around uncertainty. Due to the fact that I'm from the UK and have to rely on the NHS which will probably mean being put on waiting list for 5 years I don't know if an evaluation is possible. I've been looking at lists for autistic symptoms a lot and think it's made me worse tbh, my brains turned to mush and can't think clearly so I don't know if relate to to the symptoms or not. It's really stressful. If you know of any other ways to find out If i have autism or not, then that would be great. Thanks again for your comment.

finches

Date posted: 24w

anyone with autism + ocd?

so. oh lord. half my ocd symptoms could be autism. (not that im looking for a triple diagnosis including adhd, its just interesting to explore) this little ol rabbit hole started with my friend, who happens to be autistic and passionate about how their own condition works, when they started slowly easing the convo into an autism screening and by the time i realized what he was doing it was “oh my god ur kinda right i might be wrong for denying all this time that i could have autism” always thought my experience with texture/sensory as a toddler (and now) was ocd, because thats mainly what made adults call me ocd, more blatant ocd signs aside (such as touching things “just right”, ordering items etc) wondered why i was like that when theres not even a *direct* link between ocd and sensory issues (not the same as somatic ocd) thought i just happen to be an extremely sensitive person since i was born, now realizing that couldve been a sign of autism, along side many more “quirks” ive always had anyone with autism and ocd that can tell me what their experience is like? what about when u were children? especially if u snuck under the radar until u were older, my parents have said only a few times in the moment that i remind them of an autistic kid but dont think i have it

Order & Symmetry OCD

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: 21w

OCD + autism combo

I have experienced every theme that can be added to post but I’m currently experiencing those. So I am on the spectrum and I happen to have a high sensory profile and it definitely gives the ocd more to latch unto. I would see a pretty female with makeup done and it eatssss and I would notice the facial symmetry + how her features compliment each other and my ocd would be like why did you notice she is pretty, BECAUSE I HAVE EYES😭! I can’t be the only neurodivergent person that notices details and how attractive people are intensely? I do not even care about orientation but I know for sure if I was into women, it won’t just start plaguing me one evening Im my head shouting “you are gay” like man Im a female at least say you are a lesbian 😭😂😂😂😂. How can I genuinely have no interest and get outrightly repulsed by females sexually and romantically. It feels like I am being forced to be something im not. I tried accepting i am lesbian but I experienced more anxiety and could not sleep till I accepted i am still straight and it is ocd playing with me(ocd leave me alone, I don’t even enjoy playing with you) I accepted i am a lesbian like ocd said I should but why do I still love my ex and hope I marry him😭 + I couldn’t bring myself to be interested in females. OCD leave me alone because I don’t enjoy this game again! I’m not homophobic at all but denouncing Im straight doesn’t feel like home and I still find myself yearning for only men

FallenSun

Date posted: 14w

uhh do i have ocd-

So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.

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DAE have a fear of being autistic?

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