Not fully ocd, but I'm feeling very sad and lost

From 2 months I realised I had OCD mix of alot of intrusive thoughts for the first time everything been so bad in my life since then but Thank god after taking medication it gone much better but after 2 months i have been struggling in my life in some way and i couldn't connect to the people around me because sometimes i become more anxious then I started playing a game consists of group of friends answering questions of different things movies quotes anyhting and i started to talk to them and after time i made group of friends and i was the leader 4 boys and 4 girls they were so funny and really respectful they matched my energy so well especially a boy there and after time i started falling for him more and getting attached to them more and if someone at home knows about this they will be so mad at me because I don't know them and it's wrong behavior to talk or play that lots of time with people you don't know But I can't stop talking to them they make me feel like all my intrusive thoughts calm down and the moment I feel like i need to leave them i feel stressed or anxious and my intrusive thoughts gets bigger I got so much attached to them and that boy and it Hurts and especially that boy seems like he likes someone from the team and I shouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place I feel so lost and idk what to do my OCD been severe these days I don't wanna cut them but I should cut them...!

Right now, my boyfriend and I are going through a tough phase. I’ve always been very clingy and dependent — I know it, and so does he. It’s really important to me that he remembers this also makes me very vulnerable. I’m trying my best to work on this relationship, but along the way, I started to lose who I am. Meaning: I pushed away my friends, I stopped reading as much, and I’m not sleeping well, all so that we could spend more time together. In today’s conversation, he told me that he wants me to do things on my own — start writing again, reading, going out with friends. He said it’s healthy and good for me. And I agree, of course I do. But it’s the other things he said that hurt me: 1. He told me that his friends and I are on the same level in his priorities. 2. He said he’s okay with not texting me throughout the day, and okay if we talk less than three hours (we’re long-distance and only see each other once every few months). 3. He would spend time with his friends first, and only then talk to me — even when he knows I have to go to sleep soon because of work. (And even if I didn’t have work, why am I still at the end of his list?) 4. I got sick, and he didn’t text me during the day to ask how I was feeling — but he did go out with a friend. It’s killing me to see how he doesn’t seem to care about this relationship as much as I do. I just want to feel loved and cared about. And sometimes im feeling like im too harsh on him. He said that sometimes I make it hard for people to love me, because I focus too much on finding signs that they don’t. But I just know deep down, that he doesn't care Or maybe he does. And maybe this is not ocd, maybe it is, idk Im just very very sad bc of it and I needed to let it out.

He broke up with me out of nowhere and told me he never loved me & he said he stayed with me for years due to comfort and guilt of not hurting me.He was emotional & physical distance for years and drove my ocd and jealousy up ,leading to him reaching a breaking point and few weeks after his with someone new . It’s been almost two months now and still can’t eat or stop crying and spiraling. It’s affecting my job and never got closure because he just sugar coats things if I ask or ghost me . We together for almost 5years . I’m stuck and can’t stop my thoughts consuming me . I also have trouble doing daily task or finding energy too. I don’t have friends or family and trying to make friends but I have bad habit of trauma dumping and that pushes people away. I also live alone and being alone is something I struggle with and causes me so much anxiety/panic attacks Idk what to do to get back to normal I made app to see a psychiatrist, but it’s not for a few weeks and I am seeing a therapist. I just started, but it doesn’t seem to help because I’m just venting to them and I feel they don’t specialize in OCD. Is there any actual supplements that helped anyone or anyone in a similar situation will helped you get through this I feel like my OCD makes me self sabotage my relationships because of my insecurities and I also have abandonment issues.