🫩

Date posted: 16h

reading old forums-instant regret

I feel so terrible. For context I’m pretty sure I have SO OCD, I took like 5 general OCD tests and got severe at lowest moderate OCD on all of them, I have had OCD-like themes in the past. What gives me mild relief when I’m in an obsessive spiral is that only outdated sources (not credible, people on randoms psych forums) say that HOCD is just an excuse for being gay. On all the credible websites on this subtype, it says that HOCD sufferers very rarely turn out to be gay. However, I have seen very few success stories. I’m just scared because what if my SO OCD is an excuse for my true self? Also, I’m seeing an anxiety therapist on Friday, how would I suggest to them that I could have HOCD so they can test me and I can start ERP? Please reply.

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

accept the unknown accept uncertainty and just stay grounded in whoever it is that you know yourself to be right now fill your body sensations. Watch the thoughts, and don’t give them more fuel. The more you think about your thoughts the more your thoughts I will think about what it is that your thoughts are thinking about if that makes sense.

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

also, the power of now by Eckhart to have really helps with the idea of detaching from your thoughts, and finding peace within an uncertainty and ultimately not knowing “who you are”

🫩

Date posted: 15h

@leninhaze So do you think this pattern is that of a nervous, confused gay or someone with OCD?

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

@🫩 stop looking for reassurance, this is fueling your thoughts and the reassurance itself, the feeling ur getting from wanting my reassurance and even the one of ur own STAY WITH IT FEEL it

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

@leninhaze it ultimately doesn’t matter what the pattern could mean your still going to live your life, u just dont want ur life to be dictated by an obsessive compulsive way of thinking u can always just be with whoever and do whatever it is that u want and u dont need fear to dictate that for you

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

meditate read that book I told you and go see that Therapist and learn to do ERP. I’ve been doing it for like three weeks and I swear I’ve been in your same boat and I’m already feeling way more confident in myself it feels like the energy that went towards the false attractions and compulsive thinking has slowed down, and I feel more in control of myself and ultimately way more OK with uncertainty and trusting in God and even in myself

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

I would also gonna tell you this i had a fear of like going to hell this that and the third the third and I quite literally created a experience where I was a person trying to convince everybody that they need to redeem themselves to be saved from the rapture and it also targeted gay people. I was seeing in life and it targeted them as well saying they need to repent and I quite literally have never been religious in my life in that moment. I just felt like maybe I could be so that way I can get out of all the fears and cognitive distortions. I’ve been going through and created a quite literal life movie for me that felt insanely unnerving, and what took me out of it was grounding in my body in my sensation stretching, breathing, meditating while observing and letting everything be as it is, I’m not trying to change it.

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

every time you’re gonna look something up, ask something just sit there and breathe inside whatever it is that you’re feeling and stay in your body. Your mind is gonna give your thoughts and images. The mind is like a monkey for people who have OCD tendencies, bro it’s gonna want the answers, but the only answer is that there are no answers we create meaningso take control of your meaning and creating or else it will take control of you.

🫩

Date posted: 15h

@leninhaze Hey, thank you so much for reading and replying to my posts. I really appreciate it. It truly is helping get through this hell.

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

@🫩 ofc man happy to help and remember ur breathe and awareness is what gives u ur power back and u really never lost if u just think u have

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

I will tell you the more you obsessed on something and given into the idea of it the more your mind can create false images, false attractions, and all of these will be compulsive and against what it is that you actually desire you will gain confidence the more you’re able to sit with these things ultimately wanna sit with uncertainty and without demeaning yourselves to a label and two the more you detach from the idea of having to figure yourself out you are not something to be figured out you are a human meant to be lived and however, you wanna live is up to you, my brother let your thoughts not your feelings you

🫩

Date posted: 15h

@leninhaze This helps me a lot because at first when this came on to me, I definitely did not like any thoughts, and now that this possible ocd has been running crazy in my head for 2 months, I’ve obsessed over a new thing, that I think I like the thoughts, or do I even have ocd or am I just gay. Is this a side effect of ocd or am I just delusional?

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

@🫩 It’s literally a side effect and it’s not that you like it. It’s that your brain gains a sense of stimulation it. It’s kind of like you liking doomscrolling because your brain is stimulated but you know that it’s not good for you and you have to stop doing it in order for you to actually live and thrive with your own brain if that makes sense.

leninhaze

Date posted: 15h

stop asking questions, bro just take what I’m saying and apply. I promise you you’ll be fine and get better and feel more in control of yourself and gain your own sense of self back as somebody who has lost it and it quite literally feels like going through this mine has become even more stronger

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 20w

How do y’all deal with this?

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.

user74128588493

Date posted: 20w

hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?

Tiny Turtle

Date posted: 10w

Having a really hard time

I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞

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