New cat mom and OCD

i have ocd and i got myself a kitten last week on saturday, shes 8 weeks old and that weekend i got her and my mom and i watched donnie darko and girl interrupted and one of the characters from girl interrupted is named daisy and i liked the character i related to her and the other one from the other movie we watched was called donnie darko and the character has the last name darko and i thought it was fitting for my kitten since shes a black cat. so i decided to name my kitten daisy darko since my kitten is a girl. i have a dog named Quinn and i named my dog that years ago bc of some friends i had and i have real even ocd and when it comes to that friend i have this memory i want to confess to my partner but confessing is my compulsion so i cant give in. anyways basically i wanted to change my dogs name because it was reminding me of that memory of that friend im trying to forget that makes me feel guilty but i named the dog years ago so there was no use in changing the name now. i named the cat daisy darko bc of those movies i watched so thats what i tied it to but now days later a memory popped in my head that made me feel guilty because i just remembered my ex girlfriend’s favorite flowers were daisies and now i feel guilty and want to change my kitten’s name but i really loved her name to be daisy darko because of donnie darko and girl interrupted but now i have the guilt of that one memory and im scared it will haunt me everytime i say my cat’s name for the rest of my life that it will remind me of that. i don’t know what to do, if i should change the kitten’s name or not. i feel if i keep the name and feel the guilt of remembering my ex’s favorite flowers and remember that every time i call my kitten or baby talk her ill feel that im being unfaithful to my partner. im so scared i just want to enjoy my new experience with my kitten i love my kitten so much shes been helping me a ton i dont want to resent her like i grew to resent my dog. i love my kittens name and dont want to change it but i want to enjoy her and not feel guilty and have the ocd haunting me every time :( idk what to do. i didnt even want to talk about this bc i was scared if i said it to someone it would make it real and give it life rather than let the thought disappear. i was scared to tell my mom i wanted to change my cats name bc a memory popped up and triggered me, she told me to pick the name carefully so that what happened with my dog’s name didnt happen to my cat. im so upset and want to disappear

I've been hyperfixated on worrying about abuse and harm to my cats, and as a result i spiraled into some bad compulsions, and I know I'm a bad person for that. I feel horrible. Some time ago my male cat went to sniff my other female's cat bum and i know it's normal but i instantly reacted and bumped by hand to his face and I believe I accidentally used a bit too force. I got scared that I did it too hard. And I felt the urge to replicate the same move to check that it didnt hurt him and i shouldn't have done it I should have ignored the call of uncertainty, and I bumped my dorsal part of the hand on his face repeatedly to check any sign, i was replicating similar "force" to make sure I didn't hurt him going one slight step above of a gentle tap. It was like a slight stiffer tap, but not hard, but still stiff... Like I would feel the compulsive urge to try to bump my hand slightly harder to his face and that would make me feel horrible and wanting me to check it again... My cat wasn't hurt, but I think he had a confused face, my brain is telling me that he ran away and that he had a hurt face, the first thing i dont think so and the latter I believe it. I felt so guilty I thought I was an abuser. And I checked the same thing on my other female cat but she was just annoyed, she didnt feel hurt. This has been on my mind for a long time and I've been obsessing abt. Just now I compulsively tested "abuse" on my cat. i started tapping on her head lightly with my fingers. it didnt hurt her, she didnt react at all, but the first time she lowered her ears but not in a hurt way more like she was a bit annoyed by my antics, or i think it's just the nervous area because cats generally lower their ears when someone touches their head. I started tapping from her back like people do to their cats because the cats enjoy it and i used the same "energy" and slowly went to her head to see if it hurt her. and a medium tap (not hard) that didnt hurt her triggered me a lot, felt like i had done already something that was too hard. and i spiraled and kept doing the same thing to see if it hurt her. like if i do it to myself it doesnt hurt at all. and my cat didnt react at all she didnt move an inch and didnt even meow. she didnt care. i increased the power a slightly to hear more the sound of the tap and I got increasingly worried. but i kept tapping her too much. i couldn't stop. i had to check continuously that the tap before didnt sound as harsh like it did. like she didnt flinch or hiss or move at all. her ears lowered a bit probably because it was unpleasant. i would try to go above one slight step above gently tapping to see what would happened because i couldn't stand uncertainty and i couldn't believe that it could hurt her. it was never hard, but the medium taps felt abuse. when my cat headbutts she uses more strenght than i used to tap her head... to describe the tap it would be like similar to when your friend taps your shoulder to say "good job" or to encourage you. probably a bit less then that...

I saw a Tik tok video randomly of a woman petting her cat at the base of its tail and it making a funny noise. I read the comments and random ppl were saying she was turning her cat on…which is not true. Anyway, one day I saw my sweet cat and decided to sit on the floor and just pet her and love on her. As I was petting her, the intrusive thought of that video came in and I still petted her near the base of her tail literally for like 2 seconds and now my ocd has been questioning intentions and I’m having the hardest time of my life. 😭😭😭 I just need someone to relate to. 😭 Any advice?