Weird question

@Lola It mainly happens when I see a pretty girl I think in something revealing or something of that type but sometimes it doesn’t it’s weird because I also hate it I don’t really freak out much but I really want that to stop honestly it constantly consumes my day thinking about when it’ll happen and how I wish it would go away I’m thinking about all the time

@anxiousgirl99 Ever wonder if ur faking it all like ur sad but then feel forced? Wondering if its truly bothering u but as soon as u talk about it u just cant help but cry it’s weird i don’t even understand it I’m sorry if ur ok with explaining kinda what u go through u don’t have to ur not comfortable I’m just trying to see if anyone else feels like this

@KelsieBJ Yep, I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and I’d say my mental health has been steadily declining over this period. Some days my brain tries to convince me I’m not ‘living my truth’ because I have these deep rooted anxious thoughts to escape. At the same time I also have trouble going to places I know I’ll be triggered like the gym because if I look at another female my mind starts racing and saying that I’m attracted when that’s the last thing I want. I do feel like a have periods of clarity or just relaxation from it all but these are becoming so few and far between and not even 24 hours long. I really wander deep down if I’m not in the right life because I feel like everyone else is happy and certain of their partner and sexuality and I’ve just been spiralling for so long. In the beginning I’d say the thoughts and groinal responses weren’t as strong but overtime I think I’ve given them too much power and it comes out in statements now which makes it hard for me to believe if that’s my OCD or just me. Sorry if this is tmi but it’s just super hard lately and I find that when I am intimate with my partner and checking the internet to see if the attraction I’m feeling is classified as valid attraction or just my reaction to sexual behaviour and not my partner if that’s makes sense.

@anxiousgirl99 No ur fine mine started randomly while I was on social media and I guess it freaked me out because it was the first time that I’ve ever happened and I told my grandmother and now I’m just wondering if I was really freaked out about it. It’s so hard to remember, and it makes me wonder if I’m lying about it if I really do have OCD or if it really is just me I do some of the things that you said it’s really aggravating when you really don’t want it, but you don’t really feel anything but you also just wanted to stop but here recently something really brought it back up. I’m not a confident person in myself.

@KelsieBJ Yeah it’s so hard to differentiate sometimes and honestly the panic that sets in is the worst part of it all because it makes those thoughts feel so urgent and like they need solving right now.

@anxiousgirl99 Most definitely

@KelsieBJ I struggle a lot with body issues and self esteem and I think a part of this theme relieves me because I’m like a man won’t have to see me when I’m intimate they can’t judge me even tho I wanted it before. What’s keeping it alive and feeling real is that u can at least find some certainty when u think u like it that’s what ocd wants in the first place is u saying okay this is it that’s what it is a part of me feels relief for one second after i say okay fine i do like the thought then the anxiety comes again and im like wait this wouldn’t happen if I actually liked it and if i was calm. When ur anxious u can literally think ur dying when ur not so what ur brain tells u is usually not real in those anxious moments

@Lola Today I just found out about intrusive arousals I think I spelt that right lol which in a way kinda helps ig maybe when u think about it happens more 🤔🤷‍♀️

@KelsieBJ I have a hard time remembering when I was a kid and seeing any sexual stuff and thinking I liked it especially when it was a girl

@Lola I never had that I was really into sexual things as a very young kid tho drawing pics of ppl doing it but it was really when that happen I started this i have a hard time letting go of things from the past something happened to me as a kid that I won’t say it took me until I was 24 to realize I was in shock

@KelsieBJ I was always hyper sexual as a kid like really curious nd I can’t help but think about all that stuff now

@Lola I get that I believe with a lot of work we can overcome these things!