[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 28w
Dalia H.Dalia H.
- Date posted
- 28w
Hey!!! Been through the exact same obsession and still deal with it from time to time. I have confessed over and over again to my own partner and spoken to my therapist as well. My therapist’s best and longest standing advice has been this: if you do something ACTUALLY and OBJECTIVELY wrong, you will “know.” You won’t feel the need to sit there and ruminate and go back and forth on the ethics of it because you would just KNOW that it was wrong and your body would immediately push you to confess. The example he gave me was this: if I kissed another guy, I would instantly feel sick and confess immediately. I would know it’s wrong. I wouldn’t go back and forth on whether or not it’s cheating when I would just intuitively know that it is. My therapist told me that all these other sources of guilt that I find myself constantly ruminating about and trying to discern whether they are wrong or not… he told me I need to just try moving past them. Just keep going and pushing past them no matter what.
Dalia H.Dalia H.
- Date posted
- 28w
@Mk3 I worry about the exact same thing. To the point where I have repeatedly and ritualistically confessed things like fantasizing, looking at social media accounts, daydreaming, feeling things, etc. All the things I have told my partner about were responded to with reassurance and kindness, but I worry about specifics like “Maybe I haven’t fully conveyed the frequency and intensity of the thoughts - maybe if he knew that, his response would be different.” I don’t have an exact answer to your inquiry because I worry about the exact same thing. I will say, however, that we never know what’s going on in our partners’ heads. It is entirely possible that what causes you to ruminate is just an ordinary and normal thought to them.
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