Abhi99
- Date posted
- 5y
Abhi99Abhi99
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks to all of u....my days are going really bad...sharing feelings to u all and getting such supportive response makes really feel better...to know that I am not fighting with this alone makes u more comfortable and inspired...I hope one day all of us will be free form this devil
saraocdsaraocd
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel that completely you just have to remind yourself that no one can change the past and ultimately you decide how you feel about yourself. When I struggle with the bad thoughts about myself and feel the guilt and shame I like to imagine if a friend or a loved one came to me with the same concerns and what I would tell them. It often times shows me that while I feel extreme guilt and shame it’s never as bad as I think it is. It helps to remove yourself and just focus on the thought for what it is a thought
EmmaaaahhEmmaaaahh
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey there, I have made some of the most soul crushing mistakes in my past that bring me constant reminders of guilt, anger, emptiness, and many other things that I can't even describe. I know it's incredibly difficult to live this way, and I'm so sorry you are going through it. One thing my psychologist told me that helped a little is that he told me to try my very hardest not to look at the moral idea of being good as a black and white situation. If you view others as all bad or all good, then you're more likely to just feel shitty about yourself. All people have a mix of both bad and good in them, but as humans we have the ability to reflect on things that we wished we had done differently to inform us what to do/not to do in the future. Unfortunately that mechanism comes to bite us in the behind sometimes. We are all both good and bad. It is what we choose to act on that we ultimately become, and that in itself will be forever changing. I'm not sure if this is an OCD thing or something else as I have multiple diagnoses. It's not easy to see good and bad on a spectrum, but trying really hard to do so has been making me be a bit easier on myself, which can do wonders for your mental illness. Self compassion is really key here. I hope this helps and that you are feeling better soon. Stay strong and best of luck!
Abhi99Abhi99
- Date posted
- 5y
But this pasts are real and that's what making me so mad and makes me so angry about my self it feels like I don't deserve any good thing in life...if I had that I would never make that mistakes
saraocdsaraocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Mine are real too but I feel like you are a kind and forgiving person who can forgive others so you have to forgive yourself
Abhi99Abhi99
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank u for your kind reply It really makes me feel a lot better
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- Date posted
- 14w
Thinking about the past.
I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?
J🧸
- Date posted
- 11w
Do you feel like you can’t live a normal life?
Due to real event ocd and past mistakes? I’ve been actively trying to work on this and try to accept and not pay too much attention to it but the confession thing has been bugging me but I’m also trying to accept that I don’t need to confess every single mistake I’ve made and we’ve all made mistakes Recently I’ve been wanting to work on myself and be more positive but because of my real events in childhood, I feel like I can’t live a normal life or deserve a normal life.
Generiname
- Date posted
- 11w
Guilt from the Past.
I've had a horrific subtype that has been affecting my day to day life. I think it's snuck in due to good things occurring in my life. If I can't forgive myself for my past, why should others? I'm happy knowing I'm not alone with these thoughts, but knowing it was OCD all along and I could have suffered so much less if I was diagnosed as a child... Decades worth of compulsive checking, thinking I'm worse than a monster... I just want to breathe normally again. I feel guilt with each breath. It's too much.
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