Hi all, This is a POCD question that I wasn't sure I should post. I have overcome so many types of OCD, but this one still brings me down and isolates me. Especially my recent situation, it's the worst. So I made the decision to share it and I pray that something good will come of it. I am in a sense afraid that I acted out on my thought. My OCD doc told me even if it were true i had no intention bc it was due to OCD so it doesn't matter so to stop torturing myself. Basically what happened was I was on vacation visiting family out of the country. I was practically guilted into attending a birthday party for my niece. Well after years of avoidance ( bc it took 9 years for my diagnosis) I am slowly but surely getting use to being around kids again and I was very anxious about going to this party. When my nephew was leaving he started making the rounds to give everyone a hug and my fear is that I am going to put my foot out and trip someone or stick something out and touch then inappropriately. So I cross my legs to guard myself you could say. Well as I saw him coming up to hug me I started got super fearful with how close he was getting to me. Next thing I knew I felt pressure on my knee that he was placing on me when hugging me. And in my mind it was prob his groin so I was terrified in that moment and I had an urge/ fear to push my knee back into him. And for the first time instead of fighting super hard to control myself my knee just let go and I slightly pushed back . So I basically freaked but had to look composed. My dad went with me bc I'm still getting used to these situations and told me he didn't notice anything wrong when I hugged him. But in my mind you can't really see a slight push and the fact that there is a higher chance that it happened where I fear bc of where my knee was when he hugged me I feel devastated , and just gross...etc. I mean does having OCD excuse something and on top of that I don't even know what to label what happened?? Was it bad or accidental , does that matter bc I pushed either way?? So I've been so depressed for the last 6 months not even knowing how to accept this bc it feels different then just thoughts. Please any advice??

Arjun RG

Date posted: 5y

Don't worry dear it will be fine I have same problem social Anxiety .But in your case you are a woman but my problem is being Men I can't stay in home...Take care

Lavander

Date posted: 5y

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I understand it must feel very real to you, and I know I shouldn't say this because it can be reassurance, but it is very irrational in my perspective. Having ocd myself, with another theme, I know how this can be foggy. But on the other hand, I sometimes overthink things unrelated to my theme and then I'm well aware that it has no deeper meaning, and I'm just stressing out over basically nothing. And when I see someone else, like you, telling about something they went through, I can also see things clearly. So, the best advice I can give you is to try to distract you from this distressing thoughts. It's not escapism, it's just refusing to succumb to these intrusive nonsense thoughts. Do something that requires your attention, maybe work on something, maybe do some exercise. This is a bit extra but avoiding processed sugar may also do wonders for you. Again, I'm sorry that you have been dealing with this for so long. It's very hard and isolating, but you are surely not alone.

Lyka693

Date posted: 5y

Thanks so much. It's hard to share something that feels so shameful to me so I really appreciate your kind response and advice. It definitely helped me feel a little less alone when dealing with this. I will take that advice into consideration and try it outs, thanks!

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