relationship trauma

hi all. i really don’t know who to reach out for this and i’m curious what others have to say. i have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and in that time there has been a couple betrayals caused by him. i constantly have the feeling of wanting to check his phone and almost feels like compulsions. i recently discovered that the betrayal we have been healing from was still happening behind my back. i’m at my wits end and worry there is no going back to normal. i heard to make a pros and cons list of the relationship and decide, but how do i know what pros outweigh the cons and visa versa? how do i know when there is no point in putting effort forward anymore to fix things? i have heard the term relationship ocd but i have not researched it. is this a manifestation of that? i just feel so lost

FearIncarnate

Date posted: 16h

I cannot speak for you, your relationship, or as a professional because I am none of those things, but I have dealt with relationship OCD and I honestly don’t think that’s what you’re struggling with. OCD is an obsessive *irrational* fear and a compulsion you do to make yourself feel better, what you’re afraid of isn’t irrational and has happened/is still happening, you want to check his phone because of the very real threat that he is betraying you *again*, this sounds like a very normal response to that situation. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible that you have relationship OCD, you could, but none the less being in a relationship where you are being betrayed numerous times doesn’t help. Personally, if I was betrayed once in a relationship I’d be looking at ending things, twice would be the final straw. I don’t think it’s good for you to be in a relationship that is constantly giving you reasons to be scared, if I were you I wouldn’t stay in this relationship. Regardless of the circumstances, if he cannot stop betraying you, he isn’t the man for you, especially with the amount of history you have together. If he hasn’t gotten better, he won’t, he will keep hurting you like this and keep giving you reasons to fear, I would end it. I hope you’re able to come to a decision that is good for your mental wellbeing and I truly wish you the best.

daughterofsk...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 15h

@FearIncarnate that makes sense. i can see now it isn’t an irrational fear rather a very real fear of something that is actually happening. the fear that i have in the relationship and lack of trust is so hard to deal with but when i weigh it against the fear i feel about being alone after all this time and being out in the world by myself, it almost feels like the lesser of two evils. i have no idea what i would do without him as he is such a huge part of every aspect of my life. maybe there’s codependency here or maybe i just have anxiety, but i truly don’t know what the right thing to do is. i want to stick to my boundaries and have that respect for myself but at the same time if i do that i feel like im throwing everything away that ive worked my butt off for for our future together. thank you for your kind and educational reply and taking the time to comment ❤️

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 15h

Just sit and think , can I be with this guy without feeling a distrust for him ? Remember that the distrust you have is because he actually did things for you to stop trusting him . This isn’t on you . You can not control what someone is going to do . So with that being said why look through his phone? If he did the thing twice he will do three times and four times . So if you feel like being without him Is going to be miserable then stay but stop looking through his phone . Being with him will not stop him from doing whatever he is doing , so dont think you can control the situation . Being with him means you will always have distrust . Being by yourself means you can learn to trust yourself . Trust yourself first ! Maybe one day you will find another lucky guy but for not focus on yourself

marryyyy

Date posted: 16w

is this ocd??

Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone. (edited)

Relationship OCD

Unstoppable ...

Date posted: 15w

Relationship OCD

Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?

Fs73

Date posted: 6w

Advice for relationships ocd

I’ve been really struggling with OCD within my relationship. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years and things were going really good but we just moved in together and it seems to be making it worse. We have both made mistakes in the relationship that I’ve mostly been able to work past but this last month my partner had gambled away a majority of our money. He’s offered to go to counseling and get help but I’m finding it so hard to trust him and to move on. I constantly find myself trying to look at his phone or ask questions. I get panicked when he goes to the bathroom bc I’m convinced he’s lying to me. I feel like I’m in a constant state of fight or flight. I just don’t know whats real, when we argue i convince myself he’s being evil or abusive (im a dv survivor) I don’t know if I should just leave him for the sake of my mental health or stay and hope it gets better and he proves himself. I’d never want someone to turn there back on me when I’m struggling so I’m lost between this moral ground of guilt and taking care of myself. Any advice?

Relationship OCD

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