Need advice and help😭

I have had OCD my whole life but I think this is the worst form it has ever taken. My daughter is 3, I've never had such thoughts in these three years, even if I did, they didn't scare me. I remember I got poisoned a few months ago, very badly, I felt terrible, my immunity was weak. I came up with the idea of how much I love my daughter, and I imagined a scene where someone knocks, says it's not my daughter and takes mine, brings another one. I fell asleep that night, but woke up in the morning with wild anxiety, thinking about it for several days, and not just thinking, you could say I went crazy! I cried all day, I've already told my husband about it, Although he didn't know in detail about my disorder, I don't like to talk about it. He was shocked. I went abroad to visit my mother to recover, I also told my mother about my thoughts. No one understands where they came from, because when my daughter was born, all the tags on the handles and legs were with my name, faithful, she is very similar to me, just my copy. But I can't get rid of these thoughts now. They don't come to my mind and it’s really torture. Maybe I should do a DNA test to calm down? I'm very afraid of destroying my family because I'll cry all day, that I'll have a panic attack and I'll go crazy. I know it’s crazy but I can’t shake it. I have been fighting it since June because maternity tests are expensive. Has anyone else had any success fighting ocd like this? I am also pregnant and I try not to think about going through this all over again. What to do if you realise that there will never be certainty? That the tests can be wrong? I can't look at my daughter, my anxiety is increasing. I've never had a worse ocd in my life. I just want to cry from helplessness and uncertainty.

gelato1999

Date posted: 11h

Sending hugs because that sounds so distressing! 💔 You’re right that we can never be 1000% sure - tests can be wrong! Who knows! Crazy things happen! Uncertainty is inherent in life, it just sucks that OCD makes it feel unbearable. My therapist would probably say “you gotta sit in the uncertainty and let it pass over you”. And everyday, make time to sit with the uncertainty, and then rebuke it. “No amount of analysis is enough. I can never know this with certainty. I am choosing to with the discomfort of uncertainty rather than torture myself trying to know for certain” Sitting with uncertainty SUCKS and sometimes I cry when I do my exercises with it, but over time it really helps teach you brain to not react so harshly to these thoughts. Remembering why you’re fighting OCD and why you’re exposing yourself to uncertainty on purpose helps give myself strength through feeling difficult emotions. Emotions are temporary sensations, even the distress and fear from OCD. Sit in them, look them in the eye, rebuke them, and then focus on being present.

gelato1999

Date posted: 11h

@gelato1999 Getting a test won’t help - it’s a logical solution, but OCD is illogical. Plus like you said there’s uncertainty in the test itself! Facing uncertainty head on is the only way. ❤️

Anony1314

Date posted: 25w

Someone help me please

Please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)

Anony1314

Date posted: 24w

Help please.Be honest please. I'm a struggling mom

Am I the P I was always scared to be? Or am I still the amazing mom I once was? I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 21w

So upset with myself. I'm all alone in this.

My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so so wanted in the moment and SO real. Which I don't understand. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?

POCD

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