I am reluctant to talk to a therapist because I know what I did was illegal although I was in elementary school and didn’t know it was wrong at the time. It’s bothered me since forever and I’m not even sure if it really happened or was a dream but talking to a therapist would help me I know but I have a hard time opening up to people, I’ve told my friends but that’s it. Any tips or opinions?
How old are you now? Unless you killed someone(which I doubt you did without anyone knowing as an elementary school student) whatever you did was so long ago and at a young enough age that nobody will do anything but help you with these feelings. Tell someone. And if it was something se**al, you're a victim, not a perpetrator.
@Joshua753 No I had been exposed to s***al content but it was messed up stuff and I copied what I saw but I was probably like 8/9 I want to say and I’m a legal adult now
@Everything gets better - Yeah, you're a victim. Kids are very impressionable and have a tendency to copy stuff(it's how a lot of us learn) which is why we need to keep them safe and prevent them from accessing content that could harm their perception of the world and cause them to do inappropriate things. Unfortunately this kind of thing happens to a lot of people, now more than ever. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and any therapist you speak to will have the same sentiment. I hope you will be able to talk to someone.
@Joshua753 Thank you, I wouldn’t even know where to start so tbh like idk if I can talk to anybody I just feel so gross
@Joshua753 I did do some research and it said that children that grow up on farms usually do weird shit like that but I didn’t grow up on a farm I just was heavily exposed to material
@Everything gets better I am having a similar issue lately and the OCD, I think is making it way worse. I was SA'd from 2 to about 10 or 11, off and on by different people (who didn't even know each other) and I engaged in some activities before puberty that have me feeling ashamed in my adult self, even though it clicked when I was about 11 that they were things I shouldn't be engaging in. It can evoke a lot of shame and guilt without the incessant OCD thoughts and questions mixing in. At this point, I'm trying to separate OCD and reality and I don't know if that's the right way to go about it or if I'm missing something. We are hard on ourselves and it feels so unfair especially in the scary times. I sympathize deeply with others who have OCD because I fully understand many of the themes. I hope that we can find comfort and get these things figured out so we can move on and be happy, productive and healthy people. ❤️
@MyNameIsM. See I think it’s real life instead of ocd BUT ocd makes me dwell on it
@Everything gets better Yes, OCD makes you ruminate and dwell and question yourself. Whether it's a real life thing or an intrusive thought that has no basis in reality. I think you should talk to someone, find out what will help you that you don't know yet.
@Everything gets better You have to talk to a professional. You need that support. Be brave and say it. It’s going to be the beginning of your recovery
@Boundaries I’m just scared
@Everything gets better Of course but you can do it despite the fear
I know I shouldn’t and I’m trying not to ask for reassurance but how do I deal with this when I made real event mistakes in childhood? I’ve opened up to my cousin about this who’s an adult and believes that kids can be influenced at a young age and mimic things that they see and friends and my therapist. They all see the good in me and my stupid childhood mistakes but the guilt is very strong and even though I’ve opened up It’s telling me to open up more and more and I don’t know what else it wants from me.
I have had the same false memory/instrusive image of me doing something horrible to someone when I was 12 and they were younger. It is a memory based on a real event. I truly don’t know if it’s real or not but obviously, the more I think about it the more I think it’s true. This has led my mind to become slightly paranoid. I worry that if this horrible image in my head is true then one day the person I might have hurt will come and k*ll me. I’m really scared I feel like I won’t feel better as long as this “memory” is in my head. Does anyone have advice?
TW: Trauma , ab*se( I dont want to trigger anyone,I hope I won't) I just cant move on from a horrible mistake.When I was 16 a kid told me another kid hurt them.It was very bad.It was an abuse..and I didnt do anything.And honestly I am scared, Idk what to do right now.I want to apologise because I didnt help them..to apologise to their parents, tell them, but I am scared they will blame me( ik,I am a foul) .I am ashamed because I am scared.I could have helped the kid and I didnt.And the fact that the kid trusted me and I didnt help them is killing me.I am so sorry.I want to apologise , do something now,but it might be too late and I dont want to trigger or scare the kid.And since then I got the same ,horrible , repetitive thoughts when I see the kid: what happened, how I didn't help, how terrible it must been, especially because they trusted me.I cant stop these thoughts.Is a cycle.I am thinking that I am complice because I didn't help and that I am a criminal and should be punished.I will go to a therapist soon and Idk how to start telling them about these thoughts.I wish I can go back in time...
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