False memory ocd is so bad I hate it

(Repost my app acted up!) I had an OCD thought like “What if I sexted or flirted with someone on twitter and I don’t remember or blocked it out?” And I’m spiraling I’m worrying so much about it and I’m so anxious and Im feeling guilty. These feelings are making me think I did do it because my ocd is like “If you feel anxious and guilty that means you did do it and that’s why you’re feeling these things.” I keep breaking down and crying because I’d never ever want to hurt my fiancé. I’ve tried saying “Maybe I did or maybe I didn’t” but it hasn’t helped because I can’t even imagine the scenario happening, it makes me sick to my stomach. I also get “Flashes” or “Visuals” of me committing the act when I try to remember everything fully and I panic wondering if those images are real or not. What makes it worse is that I used to struggle with watching explicit content a lot, and twitter was the app I’d use to watch it, and that makes it even worse. My fiancé and I discussed everything at the beginning of this year, and I even got anxiety around that because all of these situations happened last year, I just knew I was anxious to bring it up and my mind had been elsewhere dealing with other what if thoughts. I just always worry about what if back then I was just a horrible person and I didn’t care even though I know deep down I would never do something like that but then I think about it and I’m like, “What if I did, and I’m just now feeling bad about it?” It’s even worse because I deleted twitter completely for mental health and it’s just not a good platform, which means I can’t even go check if I actually did anything. I know if I had intentionally done something like that I’d remember all the details, but these false memories and all the anxiety are convincing me I’ve done it and I hate it :(

Malita

Date posted: 17h

False memory is the WORST. Because you can’t go and check :( (which would not be great for ocd anyway). I don’t really have advice on how to get through it as I’m going through it myself but I guess being okay with not knowing the answer is a start

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 17h

@Malita Thank you for your kind words ! It’s the worst, and not being able to check makes it even more hard for me. I’m sorry that you struggle with this too :(

JustAJesusLover

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

I know it is incredibly difficult, but try to sit with the anxiety. If you don’t already have an ocd specialized therapist, I highly encourage talking to one!! I’m not sure if you are religious, but seek Him. Pray for clarity. Stay strong!! ♥️♥️♥️

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 17h

@JustAJesusLover Thank you for your reply! I always get the worst anxiety when my ocd switches to a new thought or worry and this one as well as the past one have been killing me from the inside out, especially with my past problem with explicit content, thank you for your kind words 😊

deValentin

Date posted: 17h

Your post shows that you have two wishes. You wish to have a serene mind in regard to your relationship with your fiancé and you wish to function normally. There is nothing wrong with having those wishes. They are quite legitimate wishes. However, the first wish could compete with the second one if you let it prevent you from functioning normally. How to stop the first wish from competing with the second one? The best thing to is to temporarily put on hold the satisfaction of the first wish or postpone it until a time when you can calmly and objectively examine your past actions without interfering with your regular activities. There you can decide what's acceptable in your past and what you need to learn from and put behind you. You may also wish to have a perfect memory so you don’t miss any wrong you may have done. There is nothing wrong with you having that wish, but that wish isn’t realistic. What you can do is also put on hold the satisfaction of that wish in spite of the difficulties. It’ll be difficult, especially if your wish is strong. However, if you learn from the past, move on, and do your best to live in line with your values, you’ll be able to fulfill your wish to have a reasonably peaceful mind in regard to how you conduct or conducted your life and your wish to function normally. As for the wish to have a perfect memory, it’ll fade on its own as your self-esteem improves.

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 12w

Feeling scared anyone else relate to this theme?

So this is my second post of the day and before I post this I’m not looking for reassurance just feeling very fearful about this situation and need to vent. Sometimes my false memory ocd gets so bad I have to download past data of any apps on social media to make sure I didn’t do anything and even then it doesn’t help. I did that with my Snapchat data and I saw that I had someone from a very toxic and past relationship on my snap that I remembered I had deleted a couple weeks after my boyfriend and I started dating. I didn’t notice it until I recently had the compulsion to go recheck all the data I downloaded to make sure. When I saw the date I deleted them and that it was a couple weeks after my boyfriend and I got together, I felt my face get hot, I started tearing up and I started freaking out. And then of course my thoughts started rolling in “What if you deleted them because you texted them and did it to make sure your boyfriend didn’t see?” Or “What if you still had their number in your phone and texted them?” Etc. etc. I felt horrible after I noticed that he was still on my snap, I know I forgot because I was only focused on my boyfriend and I spending time together, and I don’t hardly ever use Snapchat in general so I just basically leave the app alone and such. I’m just so worried now and It’s bothering me. I also experienced a thought like “What if I knew he was still on there and I kept him on there on purpose?” I can’t deal with these thoughts anymore, they’re so exhausting, and the fact that I even have these thoughts and they always try to attack my relationship just makes me so mad and upset.

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 23d

Intrusive images w ocd

Does anyone get intrusive images with their ocd about them committing the intrusive thought? The worst one I’ve been having recently is “What if I sent or posted a nude on a game, social media, internet etc.” and I have been panicking for days, I keep getting images of me committing the action of sending one and I’m going crazy, it’s caused me to break down or get cold chills or even just panic 24/7. I’ve been feeling guilty constantly, fweling like I’ve done the worst thing possible and even been feeling down all the time thinking about it and just feeling mentally exhausted:( And there is no possible way for me to check if I actually did so because I’ve had to delete any games with chat boxes or ability to post pictures on there, and I can’t even really use social media without freaking out. I know a lot of people say that if it bothers you so much and it makes you worry so much then it’s not true and you didn’t do the thing that you think you did and I always try to remind myself that I know I would never do that because I would never ever want to hurt my fiancé, but the “what if you did and you just don’t remember?” Thought drains me daily. Does anyone else relate?

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 15d

Real event OCD

How does everyone try to combat their real event OCD? I keep remembering this certain memory where an old friend of mine from a group years ago who was a guy messaged me on Snapchat last year on Halloween he said something to me. I don’t remember what he said and I responded and I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember that I removed him right after, as well as one other guy, I do remember why I removed them and it was because I had a thought where I was like “I don’t want my fiance seeing these guys that I used to talk to on my snap and think that I’m doing something wrong or anything.” I know I removed them out of respect for our relationship and I remembered because I remembered I had gotten an anxious and nervous because they were still on my snap, but 2 months after I un added that guy off my snap(December 2024) I panicked because I don’t remember what I said or he said and I got worried about what if I flirted and said something wrong. I spoke to my fiancé about it and he pretty much reassured me and he told me that if I had actually done something out of that intent, I wouldn’t have told him about it at all, so that helped me and reassured me for a little bit, and then my OCD moved on to another theme for months. Fast forward to now, I remembered the same thing and my thought was “What if I cheated and I blocked it out of my memory.” And I started freaking out again and I started panicking. I told my fiancé about it again and he reassured me again but recently my OCD has been really bad and every theme I’ve had has caused me to have bad mental breakdowns intensely, it just sucks because I can’t go check if I actually said something flirty and I just didn’t realize it because I added the guy last year right after I talk to him I just wanted to know if anyone has any thing that they do whenever they have a problem with their relevant OCD around the cheating theme. Because my fiancé is a god sent and I’d never ever want to hurt him, I hate that my ocd attaches to him because it makes me feel like I’m a horrible person.

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False memory ocd is so bad I hate it

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