POCD is the worst. It’s given me Four false crushes,and if I find a kid adorable, it says I’m attracted to them. I feel so weird. Not only because POCD is gross, but because I had a freak out that I was attracted to the yellow guy from don’t hug me I’m scared, because so thought he was cute ( not in that way), so I went to my friends and asked them if they thought he was cute and they were like “what”. This is really dumb

Since I don't experience attraction towards children so I'm not a p*do. But I've seen some not really child looking character. Thought he's attractive. And scared if he's minor so googled his age. Says 11. But I didn't stopped and kept thought "no but he doesn't look 11", "he's attractive" I'm so scared. Some people says don't live in past but my another past mistakes are just.. disgusting. So lets say if one is caused because I was groomed, another one is caused because I was lacking of social skills. But I don't know if I'm still attracted to 14~16 year olds... I'm scared if I do. I think I'm an ap*ebophile and is also having pocd Lets say the thought "he doesn't look 11" is the reason why I'm not. But it's disgusting. Doesn't look 11 doesn't mean it's exceptional..

So how would I know if it’s truly ocd or not? Like by accepting uncertainty, will I eventually realize if it was false or true attraction and if it was actually ocd or not? For example I was out today, right after my therapy appointment, I saw a kid that looked exactly like this girl my age that I was into. I felt a sense of attraction and I immediately went into the restroom to hide or smth I don’t remember, but when I came out I think I avoided looking at the kid. Idk if it was false attraction or not, I hope it was but I’m not sure. I can’t really tell. FYI I was never formally diagnosed with pocd before, but my therapist said that I have it but I still don’t believe it. I still feel like it’s not pocd because of the attraction feelings, I can’t tell if I like the feelings or not. I don’t feel any of panic, worry, distress, guilt or shame after any of those feelings. I did start crying when I got home tho idk why or what for, but I went to take a nap for a while and when I woke up it kind of became clearer if it was real or false attraction, but it’s still really unclear, I don’t get why I would feel that way towards a literal child, is it bc she looked like this girl my age that I was into? I hope it was false attraction, still can’t tell.

Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.