I feel like I’m disappointed or like I’m interested in going out and flirting or the crap I used to do when I was single. Like kissing or getting attention. How terrible. I love my partner so much. I would pray I would never do such a thing. And then also I just thought that my partner just looked ugly for a moment. I’m a terrible partner. (These are my typical ROCD themes)
What helps me when thoughts like that pop into my head. Take a moment and rephrase it. “Sure I could understand and see how going out like I use to and meeting new people could be a fun or exciting” But I want my partner. “Sure I acknowledged they don’t look they’re best atm, but I love how they look theyre an amazing person”. No matter how bad the intrusive thought or sentence is that pops into your head. You can always take a moment to rephrase it into a way that your brain accepts as acceptable. if that doesn’t work, just be like I don’t even know what just popped into my head. But I love my partner and move on. It’s not you, even if it comes into your head like it’s deliberately coming from you. You gotta treat it like a separate entity that just shares your brain so your thoughts and their thoughts are coming out in-distinguishable. Hope that helps!
@LittleBright Thank you so much that’s so helpful. To expand on the ugly thought stuff….. I thought of like first impression of my partner on Snapchat. And I was like well if he made this face or looked this way then maybe I didn’t have a good first impression of what he looked like. And then that makes me feel like my doubt is true and I really do think my partner is ugly. I’m so scared. Even though I’m like I obviously don’t think he’s ugly. It seems like evidence?
@Mk3 Even if you did think your partner was a little bit ugly, where does the harm come from? Is it because you feel guilty for thinking that or? I’m sure you don’t actually think they’re ugly and that’s why your ocd is choosing that. Remember if your OCD is bothering you about a certain subject It truly is the Opposite of what you feel. So when you can’t trust anything else, trust that it’s not real and you’re allowed to move on guilt free.
@LittleBright You just gotta rephrase it. “Sure my first impression could’ve been bad, but I love the way they look now and I’m happy with it”. I promise you it’s not real and you’re not alone. I literally deal with this every once in a while it tries to pop back up in my head and makes me ruminate about my partner. But I don’t think they’re ugly. You don’t think they’re ugly and you’re not alone. You are allowed to let it go and you are allowed to not feel bad for having that pop up into your head and it feeling real when it’s not.
@LittleBright Thank you so much. And yeah I’m sure I don’t think he’s ACTUALLY ugly. My brain searches for EVIDENCE to validate this it’s terrible. And also- even if I truly think he looks ugly in the moment so what LOL it’s life I guess but I STILL feel guilty for even that!
@Mk3 It happens to me too I get it! Literally I can relate to everything you’re saying, but it’ll be fine!
@LittleBright And honestly i might think it as often as I do bc im hyperfocused due to ocd so recognizing that helps
@LittleBright It’s like recognizing you do this because ocd!
Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.
Just because I have feelings around a guy doesn’t mean I have feelings FOR HIM. Right? I’m just a girl… ugh. But I’m like omg I felt like I wanted to flirt or wanted attention or desire or wanted to look good. And let me say I adore my partner. Aren’t these just human things? But it freaks me out if I feel some type of way around someone else that means I have feelings for them
I’m in a really low place with my ROCD. I feel like I have feelings for someone else & like someone else because of the feelings I have around/about/for this other person I guess. I’m only around this other person when in group settings with friends. I dont want this. I feel nauseous, guilty, all the things as I love my partner so much. I know I struggle with ROCD terribly and I need advice from someone who’s been in my shoes. Is this common in ROCD? Idek
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