Reposting because I really want to know

Recently, ocd attached itself to my boundaries and preferences making me atuck in a cycle of “is this mine or iis it aomeone else’s boundary/preference because I do not want to disappoint them?” I came to final conclusion that hey this is both me and the external factor. So boundary/preference is mine (I talked with chat gbt about this to sort mt thoughts). And basically I tried imagining being with a man who is opposite of my preference and man…I couldn’t. It either went to consequences of someone not accepting (external factor) but I genuinely tried imagining myself with that kind of a man in a relationship without any consequences and I couldn’t. Like I just couldn’t. I tried but I couldn’t. I would either stop the imaginary story real quick or I would feel my body just reacting as a no. So it is a no. And that is how I came to conclusion that this is mine boundary/preference that comes from me not wanting and just agreeing to the external factors. I guess I am just trying to make sure that this makes sense why not. Also, I feel the best (like safest, most good) with setting this boundary/preference. Not setting it feels…no. Just no. I don’t feel good or safe with it (safe as in comfortable and good). Also, I compared it to other times when I wanted something but I was afraid of rejection too, I remember wanting it and clearly being scared of the rejection. In this case, this is not the same. And that is how I also realized further that hey, I do jot actually want this. Also, this was an ocd obsession. Helped me learn new vocabulary and learn something about boundaries and that they can be made of many factors. However, the boundary/preference stayed the same. I do not actually want this.