POCD spike 18+

Yeah I've unfortunately seen that and didn't realise Velma and the other Scooby Doo characters were underage so didn't report it (At the time I know to report it now), I think because I never really watched Scooby Doo and only saw the film. It's weird though I see people who are (rightfully) outspoken about how wrong it is to sexualise underage characters (or characters who look underage) and then they'll cosplay as underage characters and sexualise them that way and they don't see an issue

@Anonymous Yeah I seriously do not understand it. I've even seen people shopping underaged characters and I just don't get it. I wish they wouldn't do that and I wouldn't have to come across it. I hate if

@Anonymous It*

Deep down I know this but it's still bothering me a lot. I didn't know at all and when I looked up the name the first time I thought "This can't be related because the characters don't look the same, maybe it's just coincidentally the same name" and I did this with another real person thinking to myself "Oh this person is probably different from the other well known person and maybe they just have the same name" but no it was the same person.

What's worse is that I've seen genuinely messed up thumbnails in videos where people really did use fictional children and I know not to never ever click on things like that but this I just feel like it wasn't fair where it looked like a fully grown adult in a video game

@BigGyro09 it’s so easy to stumble on that kind of content, especially on websites like twitter, which is why i had to completely get rid of the app. i think i’ve told you about my situation before and yea i still feel gross about it. but again you didn’t realize and now you feel guilty about it, which means it doesn’t align with your personal morals. that’s on the people who created the content itself. your brain is going to twist this all types of ways but i don’t think you did anything wrong.

@BigGyro09 also are you doing okay? i know how terrible a relapse with this type of stuff can feel and i’m sorry you’re going through it.

@worryywart Yeah, Twitter honestly needs to just go away for good. It's so unregulated and sick over there that I'm surprised people still use it. Everytime I hear about Twitter it's something so disgustingly negative. I'm glad you got rid of the app. I really didn't realize it because the rest of the characters are also dressing up as someone completely made up and I thought she was just one of them. I just hope I can forget about this and never think about it. It just piles up with all the other awful things I've seen during surfing for things

@worryywart Honestly, no. I'm not doing ok. I haven't slept at all, my mind won't relax, and I've relapse back on porn and that's the last place I want to be but it's what gets rid of really intense anxiety.

@worryywart I do appreciate you for asking though. I just hate when this unintentionally happens.

@BigGyro09 i get it, it feels like its just “proof” of something else you’re already worried about, so the more this sort of stuff happens the worse it feels. but it doesn’t mean anything, just try not to assign too much meaning to it. it’ll pass. i know you said you like video games so maybe playing a different one could help? or watching a tv show, just anything to sort of distract yourself from the intense anxiety. i decided to just go outside and enjoy the nice weather for a bit and i feel a little better. it’s ok to take breaks and take care of yourself sometimes

@BigGyro09 and if you ever need anyone to talk to, i’m here. idk if you’re comfortable talking elsewhere and i always feel weird asking but i try to at least use this app to help people when i can. i know it can help to talk to people with similar experiences just so you know you’re not alone. honestly even just venting is a better way to cope with the anxiety sometimes.

@worryywart Yeah it does feel like proof, even if the person wanted to age up the character or just wanted to pick that specific outfit for some reason, I don't know. I never knew until I looked it up. Maybe TV could help. Or just stepping outside. I do have comfort shows that I like to watch but I just know being in my bed isn't going to help me because it just keeps me up thinking about the intrusive thoughts. I also can't really sleep after I've had a recent relapse.

@worryywart I've thought about it but I've also been anxious about it as well. I do wish this app had a direct message feature but I sort of see why it doesn't because it would be mass reassurance seeking. I don't know, it'd still be nice. I was planning to do an exposure with my therapist today talking about all of the adult videos I've seen, even the really bad ones and the accidental ones that I've told you about here but I just couldn't get any sleep at all. Venting does help, and it does remind me that I'm not alone

@BigGyro09 i’ve thought about that too, i understand why they don’t have a way to message people on the app but sometimes i think it would be nice. i personally don’t mind giving my discord or anything if you ever want that but if not i understand that’s okay. no pressure i just know i’ve been able to kind of connect with people through the app and it’s helped. i’m glad you’re doing erp as well, i think you should definitely bring it up to your therapist! i’ve realized that no matter how bad i think something is, it’s never so bad that my therapist wouldn’t help me through it.

@BigGyro09 that’s fair, maybe going on a walk could help, or cleaning or doing something productive. doing homework helps me when i’m struggling with ruminating and intrusive thoughts and makes me feel like i’m at least doing something useful

@worryywart Thanks for that, maybe someday I'll be open to it. I won't be able to see my therapist until next week. This was my chance to see him but I couldn't so that's pretty upsetting. And yeah, therapists are pretty good at that. They aren't bothered by what you tell them and while they are trained not to do that, it's still remarkable. I just know that my fear is to be open about all of this like I am with you. I've just seen so many bad things that I feel like I'm awful for it. Even if it's by accident like this. I can't help but feel like that doesn't happen to other people even though I know it's happened to people on this app.

@BigGyro09 of course, if you ever are just let me know! i hope you’re able to see your therapist next week, hang in there until then :) if it helps, i once wrote a letter sort of thing to my therapist describing something i was too scared to just open up about and then gave it to them, it was far easier than talking outright about it. i’m glad you’ve felt comfortable enough to open up to me. and i feel like this sort of stuff is so common, other people are either able to just move on easier and just don’t worry about it as much. maybe they feel guilty but not so much that it’s causing this amount of distress for them. remember this is a disorder that feeds off of uncertainty and things that you care about, and will never fail to feed you the idea that you’re the “only one” who deals with these things.

@worryywart I know I shouldn't have done this but I went on Reddit again about what I posted about here and people said they didn't mind aged up characters. I still find that to be pretty gross because it's taking the template of someone who is a kid. I just wish I had known but I didn't. Maybe people just move on from it without overthinking. I just want my sleep to be good again. That's the main thing. I just wanna be able to NOT be anxious

@worryywart And yeah it's just really to open up to other adults that understand what this is. It's really really hard for me to explain what's going on to someone that doesn't have OCD. It's also kind of annoying at times

@BigGyro09 it’s okay, don’t beat yourself up over doing compulsions! it happens to the best of us. personally i have time limits on reddit and don’t even have the app on my phone because it was such a bad one for me. but yeah i did some searching on a similar topic and i don’t think most people would think anything of what you described. especially since you only found out the age of the character after the fact. i know you talked about medication before, maybe you could ask your therapist about an anti-anxiety medication?

@worryywart Yeah this is just really hard. I'm still thinking about the mistake that I made with this but I'm trying not to. I see mixed answers on what people think about this, but I just know that if I had known, I would not have done this. I could but then I don't want to start drama about medication with my family, even though I don't need to tell them. I just feel bad about them not knowing and I'm scared something will go bad while they don't know if I take it. I'm just really trying to distract myself from everything but that's hard. Maybe that's not working anymore. Maybe I just have to sit with the thoughts until they don't bother me anymore.

@BigGyro09 sitting with them is probably the best thing do, just allowing the thoughts to come and go and not assigning too much meaning to them. it’s hard but i think inevitably the goal for anyone with ocd is to be able to eventually just let the thoughts pass. try not to think too much about what other people would feel about your mistakes, that can be another sneaky mental compulsion. those are the toughest to kick. also, why would your family cause drama over the medication? sorry if that’s too personal of a question or anything. even if it does though, i’m sure if it’s something that genuinely helps you, they’ll understand. if you’re able to talk with them about it beforehand maybe do that? but you’re right, you don’t need to tell them what meditation you’re taking if it would only cause problems between you. you gotta do what’s best for you though regardless of how other people might react.

@worryywart I'm also not gonna be in my room unless I'm very very tired or until it's 4am. What I did last time was stay in bed until that time and I couldn't sleep. I can sort of let the thoughts pass but it's when I go to sleep that's when they become way too much. It's because when I'm not thinking about the thoughts during the day, or I'm letting them pass, that get so much stronger during the night. They either cloud my mind or worse, they turn into nightmares. When I was getting sleep, there was always a nightmare in the back ready to show up and it could be about anything. I haven't I had one dream where it looked like I was going to be stabbed and I jolt back in my bed, woke up, and I didn't go back to sleep after that. The only way I can think of getting past this is just doing deep breathing. I don't even know if that's working but I don't know what else to do It's because of the fear of side effects. I'm not able to talk to them. That conversation isn't ready and I can't explain it in a way that they'll get it. I just freeze up. The last part is what everybody is saying and I do agree but I'm also scared of medication as well. I just want to be able to do this naturally and not resort to that because I'm worried something bad is going to happen when I do take them. I just can't take this anymore. I just don't want to be anxious anymore. I just want my life back.

@worryywart I'm beginning to have some moments of clarity for my situation. My mind is saying I didn't know who this character was but the adult characters models are very attractive and I know that's what I find attractive. There's a character in an anime that follows the trope of being a million years old but looks like a small girl and that always disturbed me to no end but she also had an official aged up appears that's very adult. I feel like it's the opposite here: Not knowing the character, assuming they were an adult woman and going with what I knew at the time

@BigGyro09 nightmares are the fucking worst, especially with this disorder. i don’t know how to really help with them other than what you’ve already been trying. you’ll be okay, and you can get through this. i know the anxiety is probably really overwhelming in the moment but every time you sit through it without reacting, you’re sort of building up a tolerance to it if that makes sense. you’re on the right track and you’re doing good by being able to do that during the day, even if it gets hard at night. i understand the fear of medication. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using them if you do need them but if it’s related to a fear of the side effects, then talking to your doctor about all that is the best bet. i don’t know enough about it but i do know that if you’re not ready for medication, it’s possible to get through this without it. but if the only thing holding you back is the potential side effects, i think it might help to talk to a doctor and see what’ll work best for you. but again it’s up to what you’re comfortable with, just don’t let the fear of something going wrong prevent you from trying something that might help.

@BigGyro09 exactly! i hate that those are tropes that are used so often. but really what you were describing is very common, i know i’ve been through it too. i’m glad you were at least able to have that moment of clarity. ocd will probably try to go over it again and again because no amount of “certainty” is enough, but it sounds like deep down you know what you are and aren’t attracted to and what goes against your morals.

@worryywart Im just really hoping I can see my therapist next week. I could not bring myself to go because I just had no sleep, but I feel bad for not being there as well. Just trying to let that feeling pass. I'm mainly trying to focus on getting through this with ERP as I've told you. I don't know when I'll take medication, but someday it'll happen. The last part is hard though because that fear is what keeps me quiet about medication. I don't want to hear the judgment that comes down on me for it, or the scared reactions for the side effects. But I've also had moments where I've been doing really bad. Sort of like how I am with this sleeping problem.

@worryywart Yeah, moments of clarity are what I live for. I just wish they were way more common. It's like my mind snapping out of it and telling me straight up that this is BS and I don't need to worry. I would love to have more of that. Those tropes are used because of the culture differences. We westerns just see it way differently and find it more unacceptable. I hope you've been doing okay though. I know we've been talking about a lot of what I've been going through, but whatever it is you're up against, I just hope you're ok and that it's not too bad. :)

@BigGyro09 that’s understandable. there’s also therapy tools through this app, i haven’t tried them out but i know they’re available as well. i was also meant to go to therapy today but i wasn’t able to for other reasons, it happens. when you’re not able to just make sure you’re taking good care of yourself because it can be hard to manage without it sometimes. i’m glad you’re doing erp, i’ve realized it’s probably the best form of treatment for this sort of thing. i hope you’re able to overcome your fears surrounding medication too, it sounds like you do want to use it one day possibly so i hope you get to the point where you feel comfortable to.

@BigGyro09 it’s nice when ocd just shuts up for a bit and you’re able to actually use a bit of logic and just recognize that you’re probably overblowing things. also that’s really sweet of you to ask lol i’ve been doing decent, i’ve had some bad moments these past few weeks but i think i’m doing better now, even though there’s a lot going on for me. mostly just stuff i’ve posted about before but also some health and school related things. i almost feel a little grateful for having things other than ocd to worry about, like at least i have some external problems rather than just what’s going on in my head

@worryywart Yeah, it's really nice. I think another thing that's going on that I didn't consider is that my mind is constantly on alert, constantly worried, constantly thinking. I think I need to do a lot of deep breathing and relaxation to really have my mind get used to this again. And yeah it is good to NOT worry about OCD. Anything but that at this point. I hope those worries fade away soon. I'm currently getting OCD thoughts about what I just told you about even though I had that moment of clarity. Really awful how that works.

@BigGyro09 ugh yea it’s a constant cycle, it’s almost like ocd knows you’ve tried working through something and feel a little better so it attacks again. anxiety absolutely does make you feel like you’re always in fight or flight mode, which is why we sort of have to “re-wire” our brains in a way. deep breathing and yoga or even just some techniques that my therapist taught me help with that, like rubbing my shoulders because i have a lot of tension there. right now i’m getting them about health stuff which is completely different than what i usually get them about, which sucks but i guess it’s better than some of the other themes i have 😭 still annoying that ocd is basically always at work.

@worryywart Yeah. I've been doing it on and off and I feel like it works because when I'm doing it, I yawn a lot and even get teary eyed. I actually start to feel tired but it doesn't last long. I just have to keep trying and trying. My OCD focuses on health related stuff a lot too. When it's not doing that, it's focusing on anything that makes me uncomfortable with sexual topics.

@BigGyro09 that’s good! at least your body is responding and tired, it’s just your brain you gotta try to shut off. easier said than done though, but you’ll get there. idk what time zone you’re in but i know sleep schedules can get all out of wack with daylight savings and the sun setting earlier as well, at least where i am. mine is similar, it’s usually sexual things and real events. i used to have really bad harm and a bit of health ocd as a kid and now the health stuff is coming back a bit. it’s annoying but also just sort of embarrassing to talk about. i just did a bunch of googling for what i’m worried about and i still don’t really have any answers sooo i’m just trying to sit with it i guess.

@worryywart Yeah I just no longer want to think about my worries anymore. I just want my mind to go completely quiet. So I'm gonna keep trying to work on that. This whole thing reminds me of another time I thought a character was an adult but her age is just not clear at all. But this character I literally don't know who that is, and from the game it doesn't resemble anime, it's just a woman avatar that's barely dressed as her I'm just gonna sit with this and not go further into it. We have a lot in common with our OCD experiences. I'm glad you doing have harm OCD anymore. No matter how embarrassing it may be, it can help to talk to your therapist about it. :) that can be exposure

@BigGyro09 i have a similar kinda experience with characters i think i’ve told you or mentioned on here before. some of it with characters i didn’t know the age of but feel like i should’ve, some about reading or writing stuff of aged up characters that i feel gross about now. all we can really do is leave it be and try to just move past it. it does sound like we have a lot of ocd stuff in common lol. and you’re right, i could use that as exposure! it’s just with some of the health stuff i worry about it grossing them out somehow but i know i can probably work through that

@worryywart Yeah, you're not alone on that. I'm sure if you fully knew you wouldn't engage with that. Aged up characters gets mixed opinions because on one hand it is an adult but on the other the template is based on a child. What makes it gross is the distinct intent of wanting to sexualize a fictional child off rip so that's the go ahead to doing so. I just don't like it at the end of the day. I hate that even in games I'm bring tricked with unwanted content like this. Soon as I found out I deleted it and didn't want to associate with it ever again. But yeah we just have to move past it. That's all we really can do. I just hope I don't have another relapse from high anxiety.

@worryywart And yeah we just have a ton in common apparently when it comes to this. Who would've thought. I worry about the same thing with therapists, but they never seem to get disgusted. You'll be ok! It can also help to write out what you want to say.

Like something in the game said he was an adult in the game something he said he was a child in the game and because he also had a impish personality I really thought the voice actor was just calling him a child because oh silly personality means we'll yeah I regret not looking deep enough or just not touching it in the first place I wish it was just stated in the game

I'm sorry that this happened to you too. I genuinely don't know why that person made the character look like her, unless they wanted it to be an aged up version of the character. I knew nothing of the character at all and if I did I wouldn't have gone with it. I'm just tired of thinking about it.

@BigGyro09 I understand I'm sorry your going through this as it's awful and I hope that you find peace soon

@pumpkincrow It also reminds me of the times where I accidentally done across very inappropriate content people make with actual fictional minors and I hate that so much and don't want to come across it.

@BigGyro09 I done the same thing as well I started to spiral after getting aroused by two age up version of characters like yes technically not illegal but it still feels weird to do

@pumpkincrow Yeah it still weirds me out because they are initially children. There are plenty of adult characters that you could choose instead of choosing a child that is turned into an adult just for sexualizing purposes. It just doesn't sit right with me.