Anxiety is ruining my life 20+ only

I didn't sleep all night because of anxiety. I hate this so much. Then that gives me even more anxiety because I'm not sleeping. Then the anxiety gets so bad that I end up relapsing to porn. So I didn then while doing so I used a game to get a collection of attractive women but one of them was dressed like this character from an anime who is 14. But she looks nothing like the character, she looks like a normal attractive adult woman but I feel awful now knowing that the cosplay was somewhat going for this character and she is the same name as this character. I feel terrible. I hate this shit. I hate that this keeps happening to me. I just want to get good sleep again. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I try deep breathing and the thoughts just get louder. I hate this

nae nae

Date posted: 11h

There's a few things that have helped me get better sleep, especially when I'm wide-awake due to anxiety. The first is movement or exercise. It doesn't have to be right before bed. If it is, then I'd suggest just doing stretches or something simple. If it's earlier in the day, then go all out! It doesn't have to be going to the gym. It can be working outside, swimming, dancing, going for a walk or a quick run, etc... Just getting out of the house in general works. This next one is simple, but no blue light really helps a lot. If you're using your phone or computer before bed, I'd suggest turning on the blue light filter. Having time to wind down before getting into bed is something I do, too, if I'm having a really anxious night. I'll light a candle, read or watch something I enjoy or find comforting, curl up with a blanket, have a soothing drink, etc... By the time I'm ready to try and sleep, my nerves have usually calmed down significantly.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 11h

Yeah I just have to practice making my room feel safe and not full of anxiety. Right now my anxiety is really high and part of that is coming from sleep itself. I need to find ways to make sleep be the most peaceful thing so I can just sleep better. It's the worst being all night dreading the time passing by and knowing I won't sleep because the thoughts will make it worse. I need to somehow face them and make my bed a calm environment. Is what I did terrible? I didn't know the character was that young and the character in the game I was playing looked nothing like that actual character but had the name, but I thought it was just a coincidence

nae nae

Date posted: 11h

@BigGyro09 Practice and a lot of patience. I'd suggest just switching up your routine little by little. For example, let's pretend your usual bedtime is 1am. For a week or two, try going to bed at 12:45. Once you've got that down, the next week, lower it to 12:30, 12:15, 12:00, 11:45, so on and so forth! And I don't think any answer I offer would help with the intrusive thoughts you're having. Temporarily, yes. But reassurance won't do any good long-term... I will say that OCD often blows things out of proportions. Deep down, I think you know the answer to your question. Try framing it like this... If a friend of yours experienced the same and came to you about it, would you judge them as harshly as you are judging yourself?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 10h

@nae nae Since my sleep rhythm is at 4am I can try to go to sleep around 3:30 am or so. Going to sleep too late leaves me staying up for the entire night so it does way more harm than good. I did some stretches and now I'm just trying to take deep breaths until I feel calm. I don't know if it's going to work or not but I'm going to try. I don't even have the energy to focus on the OCD, though I do have an answer. I currently have a headache for being up more than 24 hours. I just want to sleep. If it happened to a friend I wouldn't think anything of it. It would be like them taking interest with someone but not knowing their age, knowing their underage, and then back off that idea.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 8w

Anxiety, POCD, real event 20+ only

So am I'm beginning to understand my anxiety more, I feel like it's becoming harder to understand. I'm not really sure why but I have steps that I'm taking to truly try and get through handling these feelings. Adults only please . . . . . It's made me realize why I watch porn because it's to get away from the anxiety and it's the only time I'm not feeling anxiety but it ends up coming back stronger and I end up feeling worse afterwards. What bothers me even more is when disgusting pedophiles post stuff with fictional child characters in it (People say it's legal because they aren't real and that's just sick to me and it means creeps and monsters can use this and have no consequences) on YouTube and I just happen to be scrolling by videos and boom stupid stuff like that is just there and it feels intense anxiety and pretty much dying on the inside because of nasty shit like that. I just want to be able to control my anxiety and not have it control me anymore. Does any other adults and ONLY ADULTS relate?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 18d

Got a "what am I doing with my life moment" 20+

Adults only I'm at a very very low point when it comes to this addiction. I feel like I've been escalating to more extreme videos that I would have hated to even look at it I weren't so addicted. I feel ashamed that I used AI videos when escalating and the shame and guilt are really strong. I don't really know what to do other than not be on my phone for the majority of the day and when I'm going to bed. I just feel disgusting about myself. I hate that this has been in my life for over a decade. I remember the times where my life was carefree, I didn't have anxiety, and I was much more relaxed. Now I'm just consumed with unwanted sexual thoughts, urges, and wanting to go back to this stuff time and time again. Everytime I tell myself that I can't keep doing this anymore and that I don't want to, I find myself right back. This stuff gets in the way of my sleep, my goals, and trying to get help for my obsessive compulsive disorder.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20h

Insomnia

Every night I can't go to sleep unless it's 4 in the morning. If I lay in bed before hand I will not sleep. If I lay in bed and wait until 4 am I will not sleep. If I try to sleep earlier, I will not sleep. I haven't slept the entire night because I just wanted to try and relax and not play video games until 4 AM. I can't sleep because my mind won't let me. I tried deep breathing in bed and that didn't work. What did work at one point is doing it at 10pm and sort of being able to sleep a few hours ahead. I forget why I stopped doing that other than a relapse from anxiety. I can't help but dread sleep now. When it's time to go to sleep that's when I'm most anxious now.

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Anxiety is ruining my life 20+ only

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