I’m crushing on a barista need some girls advice

Im a dude and im curious how women especially if they are shy show signs of attraction because I’m getting intrusive thoughts in my head, “ what if she thinks I’m thirsty,” what if she thinks I’m a creep or she thinks I’m doing too much . Obviously yall need context, too much to type tbh. Here’s a summary, there’s a female barista since I laid eyes on her it was like I was instantly attracted to her. We locked eyes a few times and I smiled at her and she smiled back at me we did this twice, one time she took my order she smiled and look down fast. Another time I asked her for her drink recommendation and I been ordering that since I actually do like the drink. This may sound cheesy and sound like nothing but remember summary So I’m thinking maybe she feels some attraction to me because I’m definitely feeling her. Problem is I never got her name and she isn’t always the cashier so sometimes for me to have a chance to speak to her I gotta wait until her coworker is busy so she becomes the cashier. Mind you I’m hella nervous and she seems nervous too but she’s pretty good at hiding I can tell she’s a lil shy or something Today I order coffee and she was at the cash register this time. I was nervous but kept it cool and I said the hi and how are you, then I mentioned how her drink recommendation for me hooked, I was so nervous my mind was blank she responded and smile that’s nice then I asked for her name, she told me and I said nice to meet to you but forgot to tell her my name…. But I was super excited and stoked that I finally got her name maybe from there I can start subtle small talk it’s tough because she’s working I’m not going to have full blown conversations but I’m curious if any girl is reading this at this point am I tripping? If you were crushing on someone what does through your mind and how do you act around your crush if you’re a female. I’m getting so many intrusive thoughts probably I’m really drained from my job and everything going on I even had a thought,” what if that isn’t her real name and she wants me to leave her alone.” Bro it’s a barista why would they lie about their name and I didn’t do nothing wrong but my mind of course, plus if I’m attracted to a women and I really like her how can I just sit back and don’t make a move. Anyways thanks for reading this long post I probably sound crazy because yall probably thinking she’s a barista she’s just being nice lmfao. (Edit) I’m even debating on not going into the coffee shop because what if I’m going in too much and she might think I’m doing too much because I think she knows I like her and she might be turned off by how much I go into the coffee shop by the way I go there during work and work on my homework. I don’t go there for no reason of course.

vampireswill...

Date posted: Yesterday

Hello! As a women, it doesn’t sound like you were being overly intrusive or creepy at all :) Everyone reacts differently to different things so I can’t tell you for sure how she feels, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep having casual conversations with her to get a better idea of how she may feel and it would help ease a bit of your anxiety around her as well.

RememberWhoY...

Date posted: Yesterday

@vampireswillneverhurtyou Thank you so much for the reply I’m so curious from women’s perspective how would women like being approached I’m sure it’s different for every women but it’s tough because she’s a barista and I’m thinking what do I do next or say next it’s hard too because I’m nervous and don’t want her coworkers making me feel nervous too lmao. I feel like something is there between us but I can’t read her entirely and for casual conversations I need to figure out what do I say next. I was thinking of saying hi again and telling her, “ hey when I got your name I forgot to introduce myself and tell you my name…” but then from there my mind blank can’t think of anything else to say without it being “awkward”

vampireswill...

Date posted: Yesterday

@RememberWhoYouAre. Personally, I think just a casual and gentlemanly approach like you’ve been thinking of is the best because it doesn’t put any pressure on her and doesn’t come across badly in any circumstance. Don’t worry too much about being “awkward” because from experience, me and all my other girl friends find that endearing when being approached and it comes off as less intimidating lol. Asking her a casual question afterwards is good option. Even something about the weather, even though it sounds corny, is a good way to ease into the conversation even if it seems “awkward” at first. :)

Anonymous He...

Date posted: 23h

Recognizing that you feel anxious about whether she likes you or not is completely normal. People with OCD often struggle with uncertainty, and situations like this can feel especially overwhelming. My father once taught me that many of the things we fear turn out not to be as frightening once we face them. It’s rarely the end of the world. Right now, you simply don’t know how things will turn out with this girl, and that’s okay. If she isn’t the right one, in time you will meet someone who is. For now, give yourself permission to breathe, take things one step at a time, and let the situation unfold naturally.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

Hi I’m a woman . Here is what most women want even if they are shy. Introduce yourself first, ask her name , compliment her , she makes the best coffee , is very pretty etc… Then ask her out . If she says no then you have your answer , nothing more to obsess over. If she says yes , ask to take her out that night or have a second time to propose. Then plan the date, be a gentleman, open her door, pay for the date . No dates at home , take her somewhere . Can’t go wrong with dinner on a first date . Pick somewhere that maybe does something interactive that has trivia or bingo night . Go somewhere in your budget so you don’t feel overwhelmed about the bill. Women like when men take initiative and have confidence. It doesn’t come off creepy . Side note, as long as you aren’t staring at her from across the room all time . Staying there all hours and truly being creepy then she doesn’t find it weird that you come in to the coffee shop often. Most women like to be admired, we like a little attention(good attention) . A guy told me he liked my shirt at the gym a few days ago . I don’t think he’s a creep for it. Now we say hi to each other . Nothing romantic but in a friendly manner . It’s ok to be friendly and not creepy. Humans are naturally social creatures

BigGyro09

Date posted: 17w

Is this normal or just an anxiety thing? 18+ only

So there's this lady that I'm thinking about all the time and I would love for us to hang out more than anything. I think she's cute and we get along pretty much flawlessly. We have a lot of things in common and it always feels like my day is so much better whenever I get to see her and talk with her. I want to ask her if she wants to hang out with just the two of us someday, but I just seem so nervous and unready for dating. My mind is always thinking of cop out responses like "she's too good for you" or "You're not ready for this" or worse, "You're gonna mess this up and hurt her" which is the one I'm really scared about because that's the last thing I want to do. I would not want to hurt her. I'm not even sure I want to date but I do want to just hang out with her. I haven't gone on a date before, so it gives me a lot of this anxiety, but I don't know when it will ever go away. I don't know what to do about this.

BB1224

Date posted: 17w

Please respond

Kinda spiraling. In one of my classes there was a girl that was a senior and I was a junior. We got put in a table group of 4 next to eachother for a unit with my friend also there and some girl that I knew from orchestra. I’m now scared if I was too close to her like physically. I never touched her obviously bc that’s weird. I think I was talking to my now gf at the time or maybe even dating her I’m not sure. There was this time we had to play quiziz on our Chromebooks and we got randomly selected in a group together with me her and one of my other guy friends. I’m worried that what if we were too close physically, what if my arm was touching hers or something. I know that my friend Jack was in the middle so he needed to see the screen and I also wouldn’t have went super close to her. I’m writing this bc I’m just super worried. I never talked to her outside of that class and really outside of that unit when everyone moved tables again. Whenever our teacher did demonstrations I feel like I looked at her too much and now I’m scared, even though I just look around but I feel like my eyes went to her. I would never cheat on my gf so this whole situation is bothering me. I also one time just curiously checked if she followed me on insta and we didn’t have eachother added and I saw her bf on her profile and I was like “aww that’s cute”. What if I was acting on attraction in the classroom, I’m scared

ocdanalyst

Date posted: 13w

what is this?

there is this guy in my university. i think he looks good. but since im so afraid of liking someone else, everytime i see him i have wild intrusive thoughts about him. everytime he looks at me i imagine the tension. i hate it so much i hate him so much. yesterday, i saw him look at me multiple times but i avoided the thought. after a while, the picture of him wanting me desperately came to mind again and i thought “what if he liked me and what if he came and told me that i want a relationship with you” and i imagined that. i instantly got pulled and felt like id wanna be with him. like really really wanna be with him. and simultaneously i was terrified of thinking that so in the back of my mind i was screaming NO NO DONT THINK THIS and it felt like i was falling off from a building. but i thought it again and i had the same feeling. I love my boyfriend to death, i feel like im betraying him. Am i? I realized after days of rumination, that I had no reason for my attraction. Its not like I had any kind of physical bodily attraction. I thought the face was nice. But I didn’t even know the person. Why would I feel such a strong urge to be with someone I don’t even know? I thought it was invalid, but I strongly think it is because I have projected a personality on him that I would want to be with. He held a meeting today. Hes my colleague in a club. I was in the meeting. For the first half hour, I was stressed because I hadn’t written down a thought I had previously had. I was doing my work simultaneously. I was talking to people simultaneously. When I paid attention to the guy, I thought “yeah see he’s just a normal person, plus he has an ugly voice” the minute I thought this, I turned into a fan girl of his fully and I loved the voice I felt like I had a crush. And then I panicked. I moved past it. After a while, while he was talking, a little girl screamed in the background. I immediately pictured his younger sister. Like I pictured him having a sister and she looked kindof yk like him. Basically my first instinct was oh she might be so cute. See I think he looks nice, so I kinda pictured him having a sister who was pretty and all cute like how he looked. And then I flipped out while at the same time getting a one second black out, after which I had flashes and images of him being a father and me being attracted to that. I just got random flashes of images and I felt attracted to that I think. Im not too sure. I don’t remember any feeling/ thought/ order at all. It kept on replaying in my head and while contemplating about it I thought it is probably cuz I don’t know anything about their personal lives so it feels enticing to know that they have a personal life beyond work(since they’re professional connections.). After this, I had a billion other thoughts of this sort. “why am I still thinking of him” “does this mean I like him” “who thinks that” *replaying the thought over and over* “maybe he likes me” all these situational thoughts. I can’t even ground myself by thinking about love for my bf. “I love him I want him so bad” “no you don’t” “he’s the best” “you don’t really think that” “how will u handle ur life other guys ur relationship ur hectic schedulel” “fuck up” “these thoughts r supposed to be normal” “its just attraction” “attraction for so long? Everytime u see him?” “youre gonna try to downplay the thoughts like u always do” “this is not normal” I just froze there crying till I couldn’t breathe for 45 minutes. Next morning, I woke up thinking its just something that is not important, I love my boyfriend so much I should put my energy here. I was then called in for a meeting. I pictured the guy just being in university and I felt like normal softness towards him, I got pulled. And then after a while I saw his fair through the online meeting I was worried ill think something wrong. Then I heard him talk to a girl and I was worried ill think im jealous and get jealous. Then after avoiding the thought for a while I got the thought, I felt like I was jealous. But at the same time I was so anxious because I didn’t wanna think like this. And after that I saw him again and I pictured me being with him there next to him in a flash and then I got anxiety and I’m here now.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I’m crushing on a barista need some girls advice

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community