nauseous all the time

@Iamacamel2! i’m hoping the erp i’m doing will start to pay of but it’s very hard. i’m just going to try to give it some time since i only just started and possibly start medication soon to see if it helps :)

@worryywart Yeah it’ll take time for sure, and be patient with yourself! It’s incredibly hard. OCD is one of the top debilitating disorders for a reason!

@Anonymous i’m sorry to hear that, i hope you’re doing better now :( i’m thinking about starting medication again but i’m definitely going to start on the lowest dose. i know how bad it can be though so i hope it’s at least improved somewhat for you

@BigGyro09 i fully stopped taking the wellbutrin a couple months ago i think, but to be honest i was never really that consistent with it. it made my dizziness worse and one of the side effects is loss of appetite/weight loss. i work during the day so my eating schedule is just all out of wack anyways since i don’t really take breaks. i also have underlying health issues that i haven’t been taking care of in general because of my mental state, so that’s probably another reason why i’m consistently nauseous and losing weight because those are also side effects of my condition. it’s nothing serious just anemia but i definitely need to start taking care of myself more. i just took a shower and i’m going to try to at least eat a bit before work so hopefully that will help. and thank you, i wasn’t able to see my therapist this week so hopefully next week i’ll be able to do some more erp, i’ll try to take it easy though :))

@worryywart Sorry that you couldn't see your therapist this week. When you were taking Wellbutrin, did your psychiatrist consistently follow up with how you were doing? I know that inconsistency could make things harder for your body getting used to how it's supposed to work. I'm assuming since you work during the day, you can get a lunch break in the afternoon or the evening. I know it's really hard to get the motivation to do self care, because I myself don't really want to do much of anything because of everything I've talked about this week. It still matters though. We have to meet our needs so that we don't feel worse. When we do get those needs met, we can feel if not better, just a little bit closer to where we want to be :) I hope you'll feel better later into today!

@BigGyro09 i wasn’t really talking to my therapist much about my medication when i was taking to, so that definitely contributed to it as well. i was also on a really high dose for a bit and then had to go back down because i just felt numb, so overall i just could’ve been more responsible with it. i’m hoping i have a better experience with meds overall this time around. i’ll definitely have to take breaks during work i often just forget or am just too busy to. i hope you have a good day today and make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well! it’s really hard to remember to sometimes but we can do it! i’m planning on at least trying to start some sort of meal plan and start to do some physical activity and hopefully that will also help with the more physical symptoms.

@worryywart You should 100% talk to your therapist about it! I don't know if Wellbutrin was sufficient enough for you or not, but if not, you can definitely ask about SSRIs! Instead of starting on a high dose, you can ease into it with low doses and your psychiatrist, doctor, or whoever gives you the medication can monitor you. I actually did end up sleeping a little better than the nights before. Not great, but better. I had some relapses that made me feel pretty bad though. One that had me seeing a lot of things I didn't want to see incidentally and another to prove I wasn't attracted to those things and only focused on the more natural attractions, but then I got thoughts saying "what if these people aren't adults and are teens" so that kind of sucked. I'm going to go outside for today and get fresh air. I don't want to but need to at this point. I hope your meal plan and physical activities go well! And you can use your previous experience with medication for what works and doesn't work for you. It's good that you tried :)

@BigGyro09 i probably won’t do wellbutrin again because of my previous experiences with it but i’m definitely going to ask about an ssri like lexapro or prozac and see where that goes from there. good luck with asking about medication for yourself as well, we’re a bit in the same boat here lol. i hope you’re feeling better after last night, i know you seemed really shaken up about everything :( i’m glad you were able to sleep at least a bit, it’s better than nothing so you’re ok the right track!! i struggle with the same sorts of thoughts especially just worrying about who i am/could be attracted to in the future usually while scrolling social media and seeing triggering things. it’s the worst, i’m trying to just label those as intrusive thoughts and keep moving along. the checking compulsion is so hard to keep track of because sometimes you don’t even realize you’re doing it. you’re doing amazing by deciding to remove yourself from it a bit even if you only go out for a few minutes. i think going outside and taking a bit of a break from everything would be good for you, it’s something i have to do more as well. hopefully it’s nice weather wherever you are, it’s a little rainy for me but personally i love the rain! any fresh air is definitely good for you and could also help cut out some of the compulsions :)

@worryywart Yeah, those are the SSRIs I'm planning on taking myself. I know it'll go well for next week. To be honest, no I'm not feeling any better. I feel really terrible. I feel disgusted about myself and I feel like a joke for letting this addiction take so much control over me to the point where I've watched things that go beyond my morals and true character. I hate how bad it's gotten and I feel like I'll never be able to get over this truly. I think going outside only amplified these feelings because I was surrounded by other people.

@BigGyro09 there are so many things that people experience or do that they literally never tell anyone about. i read your other post and i know what you mean, it sometimes feels like i’ve got this big secret i’m carrying around and that i’ll be “found out”. it’s all ocd trying to make you doubt yourself. again you could use this as erp but don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re way stronger than you think but don’t push yourself too hard, you can take this slow. i’m proud of you for even going out and being around people especially when you’re struggling. you already know these sorts of things are against your morals and they’re not a reflection of yourself, and please don’t let this push you into isolating yourself from others. you absolutely can move on from this, there are so many people that have and you’re not alone. if it brings you any solace, after everything i’ve read that you’ve said, i don’t think you’re disgusting at all. i relate to a lot of the things you’ve opened up about, i really do sympathize with you. maybe it would help to join some sort of support group for either ocd and/or your addiction? that way you can socialize with people that you feel can understand you as well. in the meantime try not to engage with those thoughts as much as possible and focus on something else. the “maybe so, maybe not” method feels like it’s ignoring the issue but it can be a real lifesaver sometimes i’ve realized.

@worryywart I don't think it can be ERP. I think I've genuinely messed up and I can't recover from this. I've posted about the really bad things I've seen from my addiction and it includes content of real celebrities. Whether photoshopped, animated, drawn, real tv shows and movies, and even ai from what I've seen by accident and once intentionally by a celebrity that already sexualizes themselves, I just feel really really disgusting and like a monster. I just want to cry already but I can't. I don't know how I'll ever get passed this in my life. I've had a group for porn addiction on another app but they aren't active. I don't really have any other groups that I could find and I wouldn't know where to look. This time it feels real because it was something real that I've done and that I've really messed up badly.

@worryywart I'm surprised that you don't think I'm disgusting. I do. I just know that this is what beyond my morals and I know that if I weren't addicted I would never watch things like this. But the problem is that I've seen this stuff a lot when browsing incidentally but I've had moments of looking for it. I don't know if I was just so addicted but now it's hitting me full force and I just feel so terrible about it