I'm gonna try and get off my phone 20+ only

Adults only I'm at a very very low point when it comes to this addiction. I feel like I've been escalating to more extreme videos that I would have hated to even look at it I weren't so addicted. I feel ashamed that I used AI videos when escalating and the shame and guilt are really strong. I don't really know what to do other than not be on my phone for the majority of the day and when I'm going to bed. I just feel disgusting about myself. I hate that this has been in my life for over a decade. I remember the times where my life was carefree, I didn't have anxiety, and I was much more relaxed. Now I'm just consumed with unwanted sexual thoughts, urges, and wanting to go back to this stuff time and time again. Everytime I tell myself that I can't keep doing this anymore and that I don't want to, I find myself right back. This stuff gets in the way of my sleep, my goals, and trying to get help for my obsessive compulsive disorder.

20+ only So I'm feeling better than I did a few days ago when I had a really bad relapse with porn addiction. I've looked on this app and I've noticed they unfortunately too many of us have been exposed to porn at a very young age, which has left a negative impact on us due to being addicted to it or having some kind of trauma from it. To anyone that has been affected by porn: I'm very sorry. You are not your addiction. You are not what these videos portray to you. It's not your fault that you were exposed to something so graphic at a time you weren't meant to see. It's gonna be okay and there is plenty of help and support you can get. I'm still feeling sort of down about how I escalated to something I have always been against and never wanted to see deep down. I doubt I would do that again and I really had to sit through some difficult, anxiety inducing, sleepless nights because of my thoughts being so bad when it came to the scenes of what I saw. I seriously can't put myself through this anymore and I just want to let myself know now that I deserve better than those videos I've seen. I don't want to keep being a slave to that kind of stuff. It's not only shame provoking, but it makes me feel so out of touch. As if my peers just aren't engaging in that sort of thing while I am. It's like a whole different reality opening up everytime I use it and I just jump into the portal, only to come back to where I started once it's gone. I'm debating on telling my therapists the specifics of what I saw or not. I don't know if it would help me or not. Besides that, the next time I see my therapists is the time I really want things to change. I'm just hoping I can stick to my word on this. And if things don't work out, I'll still have some kind of plan in my favor.

Adults only I can't sleep, and when I can it's only 1 or two hours. I think this might be the day I open up about medication to my family for real this time. If not then I don't know when. As much as I don't want to admit this, I'm very much addicted to pornography and celebrity pornography in particular. In my mind I tell myself it's disgusting to objectify real people this way but I feel like I can't even control it. When I do see it, I can't help but feel very attractive to it, even if it feels wrong to look at it. I really want to just be open about wanting medication so my life can really turn around for the better but I'm just so scared of not getting that support from the people that care I care about the most. I don't want it to be a situation where I'm taking it and they're upset with me for doing so, but it may have to turn out that way.