I would like to share my real event, cause I really don’t know anymore is it even pocd. I asked if I should quit my job as a teacher and everybody said no, but they don’t know the situation. I want to do the right thing. I can take it.
I’m all ears
Same, explain it. I’ve had false memories before and it’s horrible! I’d like to help in any way I can
Thank you for listening me. I was with one pre-teen student and had bad anxiety about previous situation. I got that thought ”think something even worse so you can forget your previous anxiety”. So I focused the features that I liked about that boy and thought ”with that boy I could do something”. I didn’t even get anxious in that moment. It didn’t bother me at first but like half year later I was like oh my god what was I thinking. I’m sorry English is not my first language.
@moi123 So, you purposely tried to think of something bad so you could forget about the other thought that was bothering you, that wasn’t the most productive idea because it’s a compulsion but it’s also an understandable reaction to have. You didn’t feel bad at the time because you *knew* you had made it up in order to cancel out your previous anxiety. But now, because you’re far removed from that situation and the feelings you were feeling presently, you don’t know if you were just making up a thought or if you truly felt that way towards that student. That distance in time is definitely affecting how you feel now, because since it’s been so long your memory definitely isn’t as clear as it was right after it happened. This is all really understandable. Good news is all that matters now and all you need to focus on is: 1. You purposely tried to think of something “even worse”, and the predatory thoughts towards a child were what your brain came up with, meaning you think harming a child is wrong. 2. You knew this fact and so you didn’t feel badly in the moment, but now that it’s been a while your anxiety is latching on to the fact that you aren’t 100% certain of what happened. 3. This all means that you aren’t secretly wanting to harm children, but you’re scared of that being a possibility and so your OCD is targeting that fear. An important reminder, this reassurance won’t last in your mind, you will likely find another reason to freak out later, but I wanted you to know that rationally this is *not* a reason to quit your job. In order to stop feeling like this, you need to stop trying to resist these uncomfortable and scary feelings and instead let yourself sit in the uncertainty of it all, eventually your anxiety will go down and you will feel a little better. That is the only way to treat OCD, but it’s also very hard so I understand why you’re struggling. Lastly, you are very strong for going through this, I know you can get through this, and I’m sending positive energy your way
@FearIncarnate - Thank you so much for such a long text. It means so much to me. Your last words were everything I needed now.
@moi123 I have been through the same thing. Maybe not exactly the same but similar. It was because it was a young boy and i thought wow what a handsome young man he carries himself well. And that started the OCD spiral which led to me thinking of worse things as a compulsion and me not feeling anything made it worse. I agree with FEARINCARNATEs response to you. You got this 🩷🩷🩷
@moi123 My response isn’t super long because i think the person above response captures everything i would like to say to you. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself compassions. You are not your thoughts and try your hardest to resists compulsions 🩷
@dee012 - Thank you so much, it doesn’t matter how long your post was, I needed this because I thought I don’t deserve any support or kindness.
I feel like I wasted my life.I am almost 20 years old I feel like I did some mistakes that are too horrible to be forgiven.I didnt help a kid who needed help..Who was in danger ..Who was hurt.This made me think I am dangerous and can't be trusted.I started to have these terrible terrible thoughts(pocd) and I feel like I changes since then.Like I am not a ,,pure" person.That I can't be like I was before.I hope it was a compulsion..I used to also stare at kids years ago.I know is so disgusting and I will never act like that again.I feel like I did something too terrible.I am scared this is all proof I am a p..I don't wanna be that.I will never do something but I am so disgusted by my thoughts.I know I shoulf not seek reassurance and all but I don't know if anyone will want to be near me if they knew.I feel like an impostor.And I am scared to tell a therapist..what if they told me that I really am?! Ped******a is one of the things that disgust me the most ..(I think for everyone is like that).I feel like I am too terrible to do something in life.After all of this idk if I deserve anything.Maybe there was a chance if I didn't start to have these thoughts..but now..I want to became a psychologist, to travel the world.I feel like I wasted my life .And I feel like I have too many things to do and have a lot of places to go.Some people are sick and can't do the things I CAN do.And I feel guilty because of that.And I am also scared I will get sick( as I write this, I am scared I will manifest it).I am going to a therapist but idk if I have the courage to tell abt my pocd
hi i’m feeling a little discouraged and was just wondering if anyone wanted to share their experiences with pocd like how real it is for them and maybe some recovery stories like what that looks like and what helped you get there and how they are now i just had my therapy appointment and am kinda down bc i have to stick with uncertainty and that really bothers me… but anyone wanna share?
*PLEASE READ* *any help appreciated* So I work with kids and it’s a lightning rod for triggering my POCD. I work with a mental health org that supports kids with autism and other intellectual development disorders. And so I’ve grown really close with one kid since I started since I was his first ever staff and he was the first ever kid I worked with. I’ve grown really protective of him and we’ve become really close and our relationship truly means the world to me. But before I get into my little incident, I have to provide context: so I am hypersexual and struggle with compulsive masturbation and my urges are almost uncontrollable sometimes. I have a lot of trauma from foot fetish stuff/pornography as a kid and it’s carried on into my adult life unfortunately. And so as I was waking up my kid and trying to get him out of bed to get him into the shower (I usually give him a few extra minutes but if he’s uncooperative I have to pull him out of bed gently) and so I just shift him by his legs bc it’s easiest. And my urges and thoughts have been so bad lately and when he wasn’t cooperating, as I was shifting his legs today, his foot touched my private area and I carried on normally but now I feel like a monster and everything I fear. I need some advice bc I’m scared to even talk to my therapist about this bc I think I will go to jail. I don’t want to be like this and I hate POCD so much and I rlly care so much for this kid and would actually die for him to protect him. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy bc idk if that contact between us was intentional or not and I have not spiraled like this for so long. I truly am losing my mind and want to give up bc I know I am not the person my POCD tells me I am but now I feel like I am everything it calls me. I feel so ashamed and repulsed and disgusted in myself and wish I didn’t exist. I feel like I’ve exploited my kid and taken advantage of him and that I don’t deserve to have him in my life and that I don’t even deserve to life and would be better off in jail or dead. im so broken and I’m sorry if what im saying is confusing
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