Hello everyone ☺️ I do not actually struggle with OCD, but my current boyfriend is showing a lot of OCD symptoms, especially obsessions, and I’m worried how best to support him. He doesn’t want to do therapy or have any digital tools. What might you guys suggest? I would appreciate any sort of phrases that really help or any advice really Thank you all for any thing that could help ❤️
He should educate himself about it sooner than later. To answer your question, don't reassure him. Without knowing his main struggle I can't offer an example. But reassurance makes it worse. He needs to allow uncertainty and not react. What areas does he struggle with most?
@noone9 Hello! Thank you so much, could you clarify what you mean by reassurance? And he has a LOT of self deprecation or fears of ruining things. He also seems to struggle with depression, is that part of OCD?
@Mell Hi. :-) Depression can certainly be a result of OCD or maybe vice versa, kinda like the chicken and the egg. Seeking reassurance could be asking over and over again if I said something wrong. (A big one for me). Something that either answer, yes or no, doesn't satisfy. The appropriate answer to not reassure would be "maybe, maybe not..." Not sure if that helps at all.
@Mell Do his fears of ruining things come from past events or situations?
@noone9 Oh dear, that’s hard to not give a clear answer, Is that something that helps in time or is it helpful in the moment?
@noone9 Definitely past event, my poor guy had been through a lot of abandonment
An OCD brain gets stuck in a cycle of reaction to thoughts. It's not the thought, it's how we react.
@noone9 That makes sense! So breaking the cycle by not giving reassurance would help?
@Mell It's one piece of the puzzle. It's also important to identify compulsions. Does he get gr stuck in a cycle of mental compulsions? Ruminating is my major compulsion, so much so that I become completely disconnected. It's been so bad I'd drive through red lights.
@Mell Just be careful as his girlfriend. He may need nurturing from you. If it is OCD, his internal voices are much more condemning than he'll ever let out. With OCD we have no grace for ourselves. I benefitted greatly from a guy named Mark DeJesus. He deals with the mental compulsions and steps towards healing. He is a former pastor so he comes from a religious perspective. I read his book "The OCD Healing journey" I think it's called. He and his wife have weekly podcast as well.
@noone9 I’m really not sure what his compulsions might be, but I will make sure to watch for them. He has a very hard time accepting help, and isn’t sure if he wants to get diagnosed, so I’m here for him whenever I can be, I don’t want to push him away though. I’ll definitely look into the podcast cause he listens to a lot of those. Thank you
@Mell Search him on YouTube, he's got tons on there. And you're welcome, anytime. Something about his situation connects with me. I was able to connect my recent struggles with trauma from as far back to when I was 4 years old! Things stay with us when we don't allow proper healing.
@noone9 I’m really so grateful for you, and sorry that you’ve had to go through these difficulties. And yes it definitely does! He’s shared some things from his childhood and I definitely think it’s connected. I hope he will open up to the idea of getting help soon ❤️🩹
@Mell You made my day. :-) I've come a long way in recovery and find purpose in helping others, even with a word of encouragement. I'm here for both of you, and will be praying.
I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you
I personally do not have OCD I am here because I love my bf of 6 years He is a great guy but he is having a hard time with rocd he is currently going through a lot of anxiety with was triggered by us discussing engagement plans This makes me sad because we love each other and I hate seeing a good man having to fight his own mind to be able to be in a relationship with me Someone tell me what to do Point me in the right direction please I am here for him and I will not abandon him I want to go back to him with everything I will learn from you guys Thank you
I am in an incredible relationship with the most patient and gentle person I have ever met. We have been together for 4 years and I realized I had OCD a year ago, got diagnosed a month ago. Its quite difficult going from a narcissistic/abusive household to experiencing the gentle and constant love that comes with a healthy relationship. Since he doesn’t have explosive (big) feelings my OCD insists that he doesn’t love me enough. Which is crazy. I have set a few rules for myself, biggest one being: No picking fights after 6:30 pm. (If im still upset in the morning, bring it up then) But I am new to this and appreciate any advice.
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