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Can I share my real event. :(

@moi123 Ofc!

@moi123 sharing your real event could be a compulsion! I recommend maybe talking about what feelings this real event brings up, rather than the event itself. I know its tough, and real event ocd can feel so isolating and scary, but you've got this🧡

@stxrmads - It could be, but there is so much guilty in my shoulders that I really need to share. I don’t even know if I can continue in my work as a teacher. :(

@moi123 your fears are scary and it makes sense that you are worried! many people have had the same scary thoughts and have been worried as well. but you've got this! take it one day at a time. learning to sit with uncertainty takes me and work, but it helps in the long run. pocd is very tough and ive had similar scary fears as well, you are not alone 🩷 have you sought out treatment with a therapist that specializes in ocd?

@stxrmads - How you can be so strong? I saw your post about real event too. All I can do is cry. And I need to know can I be teacher anymore.

I’m so sorry bothering you but i got so scared when you did not respond anymore. That’s why I’m messaging here. :(

@moi123 You are not bothering me at all!!!! I'm very happy to hear from you!!! I didn't know that I wasn't messaging? I'm here now, and I would love to hear what's bothering you!!' What's going on?

@Tea and Honey - Oh, I was scared that you blocked me! :D it’s a bit long thing but I would like to share it if you can listen.

@moi123 I didn't block you at all!!!!! No worries!!! Yes, I would love to listen :):):)

@Tea and Honey - Sorry it took so long to write!

@moi123 That's okay! I don't see the post?

@Tea and Honey - Oh why is that! How about now?

@moi123 Still can't see it?

@Tea and Honey - Is there some censoring? I can see all of them…

@Tea and Honey - 1. That is what I wrote: Thank you <3 i hope this does not upset you! I’m a teacher and I was with pre-teen student. I got an idea to think something even worse than my previous obsession…

@Tea and Honey - 2. So I focused the features that I liked with that boy and found him somehow attractive and whats came to my head was ”I could do something with that boy”. I did not get anxious in that moment.

@Tea and Honey - 3. After half year I remembered this and freaked out. I don’t know how I found him attractive. Like he is nice looking and kind, i liked his company and attention.

@Tea and Honey - 4. I NEVER fantasized about him or planned anything. I don’t even want to think about any s*exual with him. But still i’m so confused how found him attractive and where that thought came from and what it meant or what that ”something” could be. It’s so scary and I feel so guilty. :(

@Tea and Honey - How about now? I put them separated comments.

@moi123 It also sounds like you would NEVER act on any inappropriate. You shouldn't worry about continuing to teach. But therapy could really help put all these things behind you

@moi123 I think I saw them all

@Tea and Honey Are you currently in therapy?

@Tea and Honey Just a minute. I've got more to write. ...

@Tea and Honey - I don’t know whats wrong with these comments! I saw 3 of your answers. Mine there were 4 if you saw them all… i’m not in therapy right now..

@Tea and Honey Intrusive thoughts don't mean anything. Just because you had an intrusive thought doesn't mean anything.

@Tea and Honey - Yeah i’m just confused cause I think I made that thought or thought it on purpose so it’s not intrusive so that can mean something? :D does that sound stupid.

@Tea and Honey I think I saw them! Intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic, which means they don't align with what we value. But it doesn't matter if you have intrusive thoughts or not. People who have OCD have intrusive thoughts all the time. Therapy can really help

@moi123 I hear what you are saying. But here's the thing. Your values clearly don't align with the thoughts. Let me explain...

@Tea and Honey People with OCD get stuck here all the time. They get worried that they had a "real thought" that wasn't "intrusive". Then they feel like they are a horrible person because they had that thought. And then they feel like they have to go back to the time they had it, however many years or months ago, and ruminate over that and feel guilty over it. This is a very destructive cycle of OCD. You have to literally step outside of the cycle in order to see clearly.

@Tea and Honey Imagine that you are in a jail with your OCD reality. And the OCD has you in cycles, and the OCD is all that you can see. (You can't see anything outside of the jail.) Now imagine that you could get in a helicopter and fly over the jail. Now you can see the big picture. Now you can see how the OCD can keep someone in prison in a circle, but REAL LIFE is happening outside of the jail cell. And real life does not work according to OCD rules .

@Tea and Honey Right now the OCD has you convinced of its rules. And it has you playing its games within the jail cell. But I want you to ZOOM OUT and look at reality. There are a couple of truths that you need to accept. It's OK if you are not fully convinced or if you are afraid. But you need to ACCEPT these truths anyway. 1. You are going to treat all thoughts as thoughts. In other words, they are just like wisps of smoke 💨 2. When you have thoughts, you are just going to drop them and move on with your life. ----------- If you practice this, even if you are scared about it, you will get better !!

@Tea and Honey You have to realize that people with OCD would never act on the thoughts. You could ruminate all day, whether or not you thought the thought on purpose. But at the end of the day, you would never act on it. And this alone means that you are a normal person (not a monster). You have no interest in acting on these thoughts. So stop letting them torture you! Here's where therapy can really help you. Therapy can help you to put your thoughts in the category where they belong, as wisps of smoke. It takes time and practice moving on with life, because thoughts can be disturbing. But you have to learn to change your relationship with your thoughts.

@Tea and Honey - Oh my god, it makes so much sense! I will save this for rest of my life. You are so smart and know lot about ocd! Can I ask one more question?

@Tea and Honey I highly recommend NOCD. Having OCD is very torturous if you don't have training in how to manage it . However once you have that training, you can manage your OCD symptoms and live a happier more functional life. Right now, OCD has you trapped in his lies, making you feel terrible. But therapy can help you sort out what is what, and help you ZOOM OUT of the jail cell.

@moi123 Sure!! What is it? :)

@Tea and Honey - Do you think I’m sick person when i said that the boy was nice looking and kind, i liked his company and attention. Is that wrong? And is this how people see others attractive? I feel like if I say he is not attractive i lie.

@moi123 I've got a few things to write, so this might take a minute...

@Tea and Honey - No hurry, i really appreciate! <3

@Tea and Honey It's clear that you are not interested in abusing any child. So I would not worry about the thoughts in your head, about whether or not your brain is thinking that people are attractive or not. If those thoughts come up, just drop them and keep moving. You have a life to live. You can't get tangled up worrying about whether or not these attractions are real or not. OCD causes false attractions all the time. You need to live life outside of the jail cell. That means you do your job teaching, and go home and do the dishes and go shopping and watch TV and whatever it is you do. And when the thoughts come up, just drop them and move on. Make this your new mode of operation (MO). The thoughts come up, and you drop them and move on. End of story. Don't ruminate about whether or not you believe the thoughts. Don't ruminate over whether you think the thoughts are real or not. Don't ruminate about attractions or whatever. Just practice your ERP therapy. Period. The more you do this, the easier it gets. The OCD is going to want to get you to ruminate over whether or not you are a bad person. You don't need to answer those questions. You just need to PRACTICE the techniques of therapy. Don't ruminate over questions. Don't try to solve anything. Just go out and DO things . Go to your job and go home and pet the cat and walk the dog and buy Christmas presents. When OCD tries to get you to ruminate, just drop it and move on.

@Tea and Honey If you practice these techniques, you will get better!!!!! It's like the formula 1+ 1 equals two. It takes a lot of work to recover from OCD, but if you put the work in, you will get better !!!!

@Tea and Honey I'm leaving town for the morning, but hang in there!! Write anytime!! Once you can learn the principles of therapy, and you keep practicing and applying them every day, things will get better and better .

@Tea and Honey - Thank you thank you 100 times! I think you save lifes in here! <3 i just wanted to someone listen to me but you did so much more.

@Tea and Honey Let me know if you want me to send you an overview that I wrote of ERP therapy. Then maybe we could talk about how you could apply it. Or maybe you are interested in going to NOCD and getting a therapist. That is a good option too!

@moi123 - Especially it was little hard to communicate at first when we did not saw the comments. :D

@moi123 So so happy that I could help:):):) I know that you are really suffering. But there's light at the end of the tunnel :):)

@Tea and Honey - Sure, please!!

@moi123 This is a shorter version of another one. Here it is: 1. I need to let the thoughts run freely through my mind, without trying to fight them off or fix them--no matter how disturbing they are. 2. I need to deny myself any safety behaviors intended to "fix" the thoughts. (These are compulsions.) 3. I need to "ride out" the anxiety and negative feelings that occur when I deny myself compulsions. 4. I need to take every "risk" possible. If I refuse to take "risks," the OCD will make my world smaller and smaller. If I make it a habit to take "risks," my world will get bigger!

@Tea and Honey Ruminating and trying to solve questions (and trying to answer questions) can also be considered a compulsion. We need to practice, stopping ourselves from ruminating and trying to reason and solve. Instead, we need to just practice ERP. Which means that we allow the thoughts, but we drop them whatever they come up.

@Tea and Honey - This is great!

@Tea and Honey We might feel icky inside when we drop the OCD. We always feel like we have to do something to fix or a tone for the test. But the right answer is always to drop it. And then we need to "ride out" the icky feelings that come, when we refuse to engage the OCD.

@Tea and Honey Atone for the past, I meant to say. Lol

@Tea and Honey - Thank you so much for your support! How are you dealing with ocd today?

@moi123 I'm in a good place today. But I have to be careful. It's easy to slide off into OCD territory. It feels so natural to go into the negativity of OCD :/

@Tea and Honey For example, it's easy to think, well, I am just going to hell and everything is bad etc. That is kinda my default setting. But I can't let myself go there.

@Tea and Honey - Oh I see, but you are so strong!