ROCD

Hey everyone! A few days ago, I was officially diagnosed with OCD, especially relationship OCD. Lately, I can’t stop thinking about whether I actually like my girlfriend or love her at all. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and the only way we can communicate is through texts and calls, which we do every day and night. But sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough, or like I’m not in love enough. I get nervous or even irritated. Sometimes it feels like I’m not feeling anything, or like I don’t miss her enough, maybe not at all. I know these thoughts are normal for OCD and that I shouldn’t react to them so I don’t feed the cycle, but it still makes me feel terrible, like I’m lying to my girlfriend and myself. If anyone has ever been in this situation, how did you manage it? Thank you in advance! ❤️❤️

j vv

Date posted: 3d

Hi br0wnie 👋 Official diagnosis is a huge step — it might feel scary, but this is definitely worth celebrating! It sounds like you already have a good handle on when ROCD (relationship OCD) is kicking in. I also have ROCD. There are so many factors that can affect our feelings (depression, allergies, the weather, stress, exhaustion)…but for some reason, OCD really wants certainty *now* about what I’m feeling and “what it means for the relationship”. It is easy to recognize because there is an urgency to *avoid* or *end* the relationship. I’ve learned with therapy that I can live with this uncertainty in my relationship, and still enjoy each moment to its fullest. If a split has to occur, it will make itself known without me worrying all the time about it. Time usually works things out that way! You don’t need to feel an “exact way” all the time in a relationship—the ebbs and flows of feelings are what make it a ride worth sticking around for. If it was always perfect, bliss would quickly becoming boring! All this to say: it has taken a lot of work in therapy to accept the extreme discomfort ROCD can put in my life. If you want to work on acceptance, I recommend reading Tara Brach’s book *Radical Acceptance*. It was off-putting at first, but I’ve found ways to love and accept myself and my relationships despite their flaws. I hope you can too. ROCD is rough, but stick with it and you’ll learn you are stronger than it 💪

br0wnie

Date posted: Yesterday

@j vv Thank you sooo much for your comment 🥹I’ll definitely look into the book. You’re right, it’s incredibly difficult to learn to sit through the uncomfortable feeling because it feels like everything is against us.

dollandtoylover

Date posted: 2d

Try to lean into the discomfort. It was the last thing I wanted to do when I started treatment, but it has been so helpful. Learning to tolerate the distress (without judgement or compulsions) is so difficult, but it can create room to enjoy life and relationships. For myself, I ask “Can I question this aspect of my relationship and still cherish it? Can I doubt something and still live my life today?” I wish you the best!

br0wnie

Date posted: Yesterday

@dollandtoylover It’s incredibly difficult, especially now as I’m actively searching for a job. Non-stop, I have these unsettling thoughts and feelings, almost like a gut feeling about my relationship and everything else. Thank you for your advice, really 🥹

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