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whaletuune

Date posted: 5y

I will never recover. I first saw a therapist age 8 who wanted to put me on anxiety meds. My parents refused. I got worse. I saw a doc at 12 who decided I was depressed and put me on Prozac. I developed more anxiety and restlessness, as well as insomnia. OCD compulsions as well that got mistaken for racing thoughts. Got dxed bipolar by the next doc and put on lithium, lamictal, risperdal. Kept getting told for years by professionals and family that I had bipolar, but not why or what that was. Never got erp. OCD got worse with talk therapy. I never improved. Got a rediagnosis from bipolar to ocd. But I still live in constant fear of insanity. I don't want to lose control or hurt people. So many of us got screwed over by docs. I can't trust them anymore. I was told for years that SSRIs would cause severe mania and they were the absolute worst thing I could be on. Now I am getting told that they're the best thing to be on and by not taking them ATM I'm choosing to suffer. My parents got married to the bipolar dx and defended it at all costs. When I share my severe, crippling anxiety and panic due to the dx they fight with me and tell me I'm overdramatic and being ridiculous...even though they were the ones defending it for years. All of the professionals I have met have been incompetent or cruel. I have been trying to reach out for erp for years. No one will take me bc of comorbid Autism and the fact that I'm a student who only lives near the therapy part of the year. None take my insurance. I have a final tomorrow. For the past few nights I have had severe panic causing insomnia. I spent 24 hours awake this past night bc of insomnia. I have been up since 1:30 am with panic today and depression. I have to study. But I don't have any hope anymore. I keep getting told to see someone who can help. I'm trying to. But people make things worse so often....I do not see a point anymore. I'm in pain constantly. I have no support. I feel guilty for everything. I do not want to go crazy and hurt everyone. Things have steadily gotten worse. I don't know why God would do this to me. I'm supposed to get help but no one can. I do not trust anyone anymore, an I don't trust myself. Plus anxiety and insomnia can cause psychosis and brain damage so I am afraid of that. I don't want to kill myself because I just don't. But I also do not ever believe I will be happy. I am also socially isolated. I want someone I love to hold me and tell me things will be ok. But I am alone and I suffer alone I'm in so much pain and the people who were supposed to help me only caused more

rie :)

Date posted: 5y

you’re strong enough for holding on until now and you’re even stronger for keeping on going

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

Oddly i just posted mine without seeing yours Maybe we are meant to go thru this ride Keep hope my friend One thing I always felt about this illness is to not give up because it gives us gifts too

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

And gifts you gotta pay for right?

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

Keep holdin on plz

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

If u keep on then u inspire me to do same

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

So im asking u plz do

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

We not letting this sht beat us man

Rituals

Date posted: 5y

Its not worth all that is it

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Hope you are feeling better and you found the right help

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