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And I can tell you are not a monster. :)

I think I’m going through something similar than you.

How you handle this or comfort yourself?

Very true, once the fear is gone it’s less powerful

My heart is with you, Meegs! I’ve been in this spiral before and it’s a horrible place to be. Knowing that your brother is handsome or attractive doesn’t mean you’re personally attracted to your brother. Maybe because everyone talked about his looks your whole life, that created a beauty standard in your head of what super handsome is. So that could be a reason that intrusive thought popped up and phrased it like that? I have beautiful siblings too and have also had crushing moments of confusion and despair. You’re not alone. I think this post is maybe reassurance-seeking, so I hope I’m not anti-helping by commenting. Try to de-power the ocd and do a “fake it til you make it” technique of acting like the ocd thoughts are preposterous and you couldn’t care less. OCD haaaaates that

I hope you don’t get this triggering, but for me is very healing to hear someones stories which are similar to mine. Even though it’s sad that someone is struggling as well especially when you seem very nice person. For me it’s that I think my minor student is somehow attractive. Like he is nice looking and kind. It’s feel the same than yours when you say ”i know my brother is attractive”. I can’t describe it more but if I say he is not attractive I feel I’m lying. But I don’t know is he more like charming? I also got a thought ”with that boy I could do something” which I can’t let go because it does not feel totally irrational because of all this. But there was a great point that finding someone attractive is not the same being attracted. Ocd is making that so complicated though. And thoughts are just thoughts! :) Hope you have a great day! 🧡