Long time reader, first time poster

Hi there. I am really just looking for anyone who can tell me I’m not alone and maybe not a disgusting, incurable monster. I had this terrible intrusive thought about nine months ago and it’s sent me over the edge. I was spending time with my Fiancé at the time and all of the sudden this thought pops into my head “but he’s not as attractive at your brother”. I was sent into this INSANE spiral and fear about so many things at once. Am I not as attracted to my fiancé as my brother? Am I attracted to my brother?? What does that even mean??? And I can’t get past it, I think, because I know my brother is attractive… beyond all of my friends telling me so my whole life he just has those like “classic” symmetrical features that people consider attractive. So THEN I spiral into, “if I can tell my brother is attractive does that mean I’m attracted to him??” And then I want to crawl into a dark hole and hide forever but I can’t because the person I’m hiding from Is me… if you have any thoughts, advice or solidarity to share I would greatly appreciate… thank you for reading ❤️

moi123

Date posted: 2d

And I can tell you are not a monster. :)

moi123

Date posted: 2d

I think I’m going through something similar than you.

moi123

Date posted: 2d

How you handle this or comfort yourself?

meegs53

Date posted: 2d

@moi123 Thank you for your response it means a lot ❤️I’ve been trying really hard to practice letting thoughts go instead of ruminating on them, but it’s tough

Anonymouse 😊

Date posted: 2d

Very true, once the fear is gone it’s less powerful

but_what_if_...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

My heart is with you, Meegs! I’ve been in this spiral before and it’s a horrible place to be. Knowing that your brother is handsome or attractive doesn’t mean you’re personally attracted to your brother. Maybe because everyone talked about his looks your whole life, that created a beauty standard in your head of what super handsome is. So that could be a reason that intrusive thought popped up and phrased it like that? I have beautiful siblings too and have also had crushing moments of confusion and despair. You’re not alone. I think this post is maybe reassurance-seeking, so I hope I’m not anti-helping by commenting. Try to de-power the ocd and do a “fake it til you make it” technique of acting like the ocd thoughts are preposterous and you couldn’t care less. OCD haaaaates that

meegs53

Date posted: 2d

@but_what_if_tho?? OMG you cannot know how much this helps right now… thank you for your response. I have avoiding posting before for fear of reassurance seeking, but I think (hope?) there is a difference between reassurance that I am ok and reassurance that I’m not the only one… that’s really what I’m looking for right now. I just feel so alone because if I share the thought with my now husband I think it might hurt him…? And I share everything with him usually 💔 Also, I know I’m not supposed to get in the Habit of confessing which is SO HARD for me. It makes it feel like I’m hiding something from the person I share everything with and I think that might be the hardest part… thank you so much for the thoughts and advice I really REALLY appreciate it right now ❤️🙏

moi123

Date posted: Yesterday

I hope you don’t get this triggering, but for me is very healing to hear someones stories which are similar to mine. Even though it’s sad that someone is struggling as well especially when you seem very nice person. For me it’s that I think my minor student is somehow attractive. Like he is nice looking and kind. It’s feel the same than yours when you say ”i know my brother is attractive”. I can’t describe it more but if I say he is not attractive I feel I’m lying. But I don’t know is he more like charming? I also got a thought ”with that boy I could do something” which I can’t let go because it does not feel totally irrational because of all this. But there was a great point that finding someone attractive is not the same being attracted. Ocd is making that so complicated though. And thoughts are just thoughts! :) Hope you have a great day! 🧡

moi123

Date posted: Yesterday

And saying not totally irrational I mean like if I was ”no I could not do anything!!” my ocd says ”you can’t be sure because this and this…”. Like some thoughts I can be like huh why would I kick my dog? If you get what I mean.

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