Distressing situation (POCD)

Possible TW I feel like I've been doing a lot better recently with dismissing these intrusive thoughts and even arousal sensations, but unfortunately today I was reading an erotic story on ao3 (for clarification, whenever I use ao3 I ALWAYS purposefully make sure to filter out any of the "underage" tags that are on there so I don't come across any disturbing content), but unfortunately in the middle of the story there was some sort of flashback scene which mentioned that one of the characters had seen the other character masturbating while they were underage. It wasn't exactly graphic, but it was enough to really freak me out. Obviously as soon as I saw this, I left the story immediately, but what bothered is the fact that it seemed to increase my arousal? I don't know if it was just the anxiety, coupled with the fact I was ALREADY aroused due to it being an erotic story, but it's got me quite bothered. I've thought about it several times since, and I keep getting very intense groinal responses/arousal/erection sensations. I want to just dismiss this and move on as another symptom of OCD, but I feel guilty for doing so, like my brain is telling "you can dismiss it so easily/not care about it because you actually DO like it". Is it normal to have these kinds of reactions to this stuff? I know at the end of the day it's am erotic story and it's written to be arousing, but the idea that I could be aroused by something like that really bothers me. I want to believe it was just anxiety, because if I look at it objectively, there's nothing arousing about it. I think it may have just been the shock and taboo of it that caused arousal? But even saying that, my brain is telling me I'm just trying to make excuses about it. :( any input would be appreciated.

ichooseme

Date posted: Yesterday

don’t over think your reactions, especially the ones you can’t control like physical sensations. I know it’s not easy to just not overthink something but next time if you come across something like this don’t click off what you’re reading. just move on to the next scene. and yes the shock and fear pathways in the brain do overlap with the arousal pathways and they are deeply interconnected, which makes things even more complicated 🥲

Anonymouspocd

Date posted: 18h

Thank you for your words! I'll try to keep in that in mind if it happens again. It's such a horribly confusing symptom, when your body feels like it's in such disconnect with your mind. I feel sometimes it makes you even question if you truly DO feel negatively towards it (mentally) due to how it feels physically. But again, thank you for your words and time. I appreciate it and I'll try to remind myself of this!

vinnen

Date posted: Yesterday

To reassure you in that “arousal” feeling, that sensation comes from increased blood flow to the area which can go hand in hand with anxiety and panic. Think about it this way, when anxiety increases so does your heart rate and blood pressure. Meaning (you guessed it) increased blood flow to all areas including between your legs. As another member said, try not to overthink it. Breathe through it and try to relax to decrease that anxiety and blood flow. I also agree with the other commenter to not completely leave the story. Maybe take a breather, decompress, reflect, and move on to the next section and skip that part. Obviously if it seems to be a pattern in the story it would be best to avoid it. Also, the fact that you even wonder “does this make me a bad person?” Just goes to show you DO care about this situation and would like to prevent this.

Anonymouspocd

Date posted: 18h

It's funny because the thought of questioning whether or not these reactions makes me a bad person, makes my OCD question whether I'm asking that question for the right reasons, and if that ALSO makes me a bad person 😭 OCD can be such a confusing spiral. Thank you for your time and advice! I appreciate it a lot :)

vinnen

Date posted: 5h

@Anonymouspocd It really is! OCD is a weird thing that is part of our lives and we just gotta learn to manage it. I’m glad i could help :)

GeekyRabbit

Date posted: Yesterday

I just say my downsatirs area is emotional, sometimes ill get it when im giddy or panicked, i just try to view it as a weird quirk and not indicative of anything

dollfeelsstuck

Date posted: 20h

hey! I haven’t been where you’ve been, and you’re entirely valid to feel disgusted as topics like that are understandably unnerving to hear about, but what you experienced might have been a groinal response! what you need to know about groinal responses is that, although they are PHYSICALLY the same reaction, it does not inherently mean that the response was from emotional arousal! groinal responses are often triggered by fear, discomfort, anger, or even something as little as annoyance, and are not unheard of in the ocd community at all! you are far from alone in experiencing this. in the end, YOU’RE the one who knows how you feel, and although it sucks to feel it, the disgust is good! thanks for reaching out!

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