Attracted to older men and to men with kids

Hi. I'm a 25yr old female. Ever since I was a kid, I have had crushes on teachers and older men. For example I remember when I watched daddy day care I was only 5 and had a huge crush on eddie murphy. I was dreaming of him holding me on his lap. Then later had a crush on my teacher. And almost every single male figure in my life, that was even a little bit nice to me, and was attractive, I have had a crush on. Even doctors who were like 50, even if they werent that good looking but if they were just friendly. Usually it's not even sexual. It's from somehwere between and its weird. It's like I want to be taken care of and I want them to hug and give me attention and thats it. With some I desired to be their daughter. Well now it's really been triggering me because somehow my brain is mixing platonic and romantic love, and if I see a good looking father who is attractive and is treating their daughter right, I think "I wish I was that daughter" but somehow I also wish it was romantic at the same time??🤮 That is so twisted I know and I have tried to understand why my brain thinks this way. Because I know if he REALLY was my father I would never be attracted to him. I could never think of anything about my own dad 🤮. But somehow my brain can't comprehend that maybe their own kid doesnt have a crush on them even if I do. This is when it gets really triggering for me. Even if it would be a child. A girl. Still my brain goes "oh I wish I was her" "she must be so attracted to him" (like I am)I cant explain this its so weird. Like for example, I have had a celeb crush on chris martin since I was 9. And I believe its because he is so charismatic and loving. I remember to this day having these dreams where he would come to my house with roses. And when he had a daughter I was so jealous and I was like "she is so lucky to have him as a father" and at the same time it felt like she must be so attracted to him because I couldn't comprehend that maybe not EVERYONE is attracted to him even if I was. I'm feeling extremely awful because whenever I see a picture of them together I just get this weird feeling and my brain doesnt understand that they are a daughter and a father. Or if it does it still views their relationship as romantic. That is so weird and disgusting I know. I do have some issues with my father, he has not been very present and he is very unavailable emotionally, so i dont know if this somehow could be related to it.. but still its very disturbing. I know this is not only ocd because I have felt this way all my life and never been anxious about it, thought it was normal. I only realized it was not normal when I started to pay attention to my feelings more. Now its problematic, for example in school there are 2 male teachers, and I have a huge crush on both of them. I feel like a horrible person. I am so anxious because I have noticed that seeing a man with a daughter sometimes makes me feel turned on. That is so weird and disgusting. So my question is, does anyone else with a conplicated father relationship experience feelings like this? Do you mix romantic and platonic feelings? Or am i the only one? I fear this is proof of something horrible. It doesnt help that i have pocd and false memory so i feel like this only supports both of them. Guys if you reply its not giving reassurance because Im genuinely curious if anyone has experienced anything like this