Why can’t I just have it all. Why can’t I just have it both ways . Life SHOULD be fair. I have been so active lately bc I’m in such a dark place and I feel selfish and I’m sick of trying to control everything especially things I can’t control or that aren’t my business. But I genuinely feel so depressed and I don’t know who to talk to ab this erp hasn’t been helping me
I don't disagree that life should be fair. And I don't think seeing the world as it is currently organized and saying "wow that's kinda messed up" is a delusion. There's a difference between recognizing that exploitation is bad and thinking if you shut your car door wrong someone will get hurt, to paraphrase the "don't try harder try different" video. I hope that helps.
I agree with the above comment, life should be more fair. I'm sorry you're struggling, I know it's difficult. :( I'm not a therapist, and I'm sure I couldn't help in the way that a professional could, but I would gladly listen to you if it would help :)
@Anonymous I just feel like there’s a huge gap between my potential and my reality and it’s very uncomfortable because I’m scared of change like I have this huge resistance to change and like it brings up so much discomfort and like uncomfortable feelings, especially when it’s like with my relationship, especially romantic and I just this decision like these decision decisions and I feel like life or death like I feel like I’m just like decision paralysis and I’ve been in this for a while
@Firefly girl I'm sorry to hear about that. Change is very scary, especially big change. I'm resistant to change as well. Is there anything in particular that is making you worried about change at the moment?
@Anonymous Idk I think I need to explore alternative methods to heal my ocd bc I don’t trust the medical system/erp hasn’t been the most helpful for me. But I’m scared of how that is going to impact my relationships because I come from a very medical family and my bf thinks I’m insane already
@Firefly girl I don't know much of anything about alternative methods for OCD to be honest. One thing I do know is that there are many different ways to do ERP, and some people find certain methods/styles more helpful than others, so if you try ERP again then I would recommend trying it in a different way/style. (I also know that ERP can take a while to help in general.) Either way, I wish you the best with treatment! And I hope all goes well with your relationships! Would you like to tell me more about your bf and how they seem to think?
@Anonymous My dad passed away when I was 12 and since then my family has had kind of a distorted perception of love.. My boyfriend is the first person to really show me that unconditional love but that also requires me to show him unconditional love and return, which sometimes the struggle for me because I’ve never been in a relationship where the respect needs to be like equal, I’ve been the one who’s you know been like put on the pedestal in my past I mean, I had one other like official relationship And he like kissed the ground. I walked on and put me on a pedestal and this relationship is very different. It’s like I feel like we have a deep soul level connection, but it’s like it’s more you know like it’s just different than any other relationship I’ve had… he thinks I’m crazy when I like I’ll make up stories in my head of my feared outcome, but it will feel so real for me that I genuinely will think like oh I’m psychic and this is like a psychic vision that I’m having of something that’s gonna happen in the future that you’re gonna do that’s gonna hurt me… clearly like this is a deeper connection than I’ve ever felt with anyone and my OCD is attacking that a lot, and it’s just difficult because there’s this intense fear of the future and intense fear of losing him which leads me to not always be behave in the healthiest way , especially when people are saying ocd isn’t real/im the first in my family to get treated. And then it makes me wonder is it a trauma bond is it really meant to be a long term thing etc. it takes away any ability for me to be present in the connection
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I can relate to this. It makes me feel so alone, dissociated, and overwhelmed. It feels like everything is going wrong, and there’s nothing anyone can do to fix it. I completely understand you, and I’m really glad you posted this ❤️
@piñacolada Trust me you’re not alone
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