Not so good morning 20+ only

Adults only For some reason, I didn't sleep good today. I had trouble sleeping and I only got about 4 hours in. I hope it doesn't happen tonight. I was so anxious and scared that this was going to start up all over again and I really don't want that. Unfortunately I have a routinely use of porn still and today it triggered a lot of POCD. I looked for fictional characters and found a lot through several channels but unfortunately these channels have some really disgusting things on there that clearly involve minor characters and it's just gross. I just try to scroll pass them and avoid clicking on them and just focus on the content I'm comfortable with. There was one that I found very attractive but then it made me feel uncomfortable because I found out the character is 19 years old but is also a ghost that has aged overtime. I just feel uncomfortable about the theme being around a dead person even if they aren't real. Then it made me worry about other times I may have found underaged characters attractive in the past. I also recall characters being aged up in results I saw, which I normally don't like and don't watch because it feels wrong. I think the only reason people upload this nasty stuff is they argue that they aren't real people and by law it's not illegal for that exact reason. That doesn't mean it's not fucking disgusting, wtf. Another thing is several times I've seen adult women cosplay as fictional minors in their sexual content. I don't know why this is so common. I'm not having the best time right now. Even though the character was an adult I still feel triggered about finding attraction to people in their late teens, even if they are adults. I guess it's the age gap consideration. I just hope that I sleep better tonight and I also hope that I can put this stupid habit down forever. The only reason it's so strong is because I feel I need my phone to sleep at night and when I wake up, the first thing on my mind is my phone and porn. Before all of this I was doing really well. It was just this one night that threw me off track.

worryywart

Date posted: 9h

i was just wondering how you were doing since i hadn’t see you post in a few days. i’m sorry you’re not feeling as good as before but this is a temporary setback, don’t let it get you too discouraged. i hope you sleep better tonight as well :)) try not to beat yourself up over this too much, especially since it’s something you weren’t aware of until after.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 9h

Hey there! I haven't been posting because I've been doing well!! It was just this day that threw me off track. I'm going to bounce back and get back to normal. And yeah I wasn't aware of it and while seeing it and looking to the age, I saw she was an adult but didn't know about the other thing, so it's not too hard to break the rumination cycle. I haven't seen you post either, which must mean you're doing alright! :)

worryywart

Date posted: 7h

@BigGyro09 i’ve been a bit better, mostly busy with finals and work so i haven’t had much time to ruminate lol. i’m glad you’re doing better though, that’s really good!!

BigGyro09

Date posted: 7h

@worryywart I hope finals have been going well! I hope studying has been a relaxing time and I'm glad that you haven't had a lot of time to ruminate. Happy for you!

worryywart

Date posted: 5h

@BigGyro09 thank you!! hopefully you’ve got something to keep you occupied and happy right now as well🥰

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4h

@worryywart I have a couple things! Video games, drawing, programming, and watching comfort shows. It definitely helps for the most part. I hope you have the same! :)

BigGyro09

Date posted: 15h

Something that is also bothering me is that the character is apparently based on a 12 year old? I don't know how true that is and but I did not know that at all and that's really messing with me badly as well. I'm trying not to ruminate about this part because I just didn't know and the character that I saw was 19, but also technically way older, like 30s or 40s since that's when she is depicted

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