If my partner is remotely unattractive to me, it just causes me to ruminate so much. I wish it would calm down. It's hard to know if this is a valid attraction issue or not. I hate to use OCD as a crutch but I feel like both could be true. Which is tough
I also struggle with this and it’s very draining and causes lots of anxiety for me. It makes me sad because I don’t want to feel or think that way about him. I need to remind myself of his vales and if they align with mine and that helps me a little bit because it’s not just all about looks it’s about how someone makes you feel when the thoughts quiet down! I know that is easier said than done, but we also need to rember its okay you may not always like something about your partner or find them attractive 24/7 it’s okay to have doubts or things you may not like about them that is completely normal, attraction fluctuates in every relationship, no one is perfect. People who don’t have ROCD also have thoughts or doubts about their person too it’s just not magnified the way we think because they don’t obsess over it. Remember all thoughts are not your true thoughts or feelings and you don’t have to give attention to all of them no matter how scary or true it may feel. To anyone struggling I promise you are not alone🤍
No one is attractive 24/7. We all do gross weird things. We all have bad days. We all have bad outfits. We all have weird quirks that aren’t so cute. You don’t have to find every possible thing about your partner attractive in order to be attracted to them overall.
I think I place entirely too much emphasis on physical attractiveness. Like my partner in my mind needs to be an 11/10
@Anonymous And what are the chances you’re an 11/10 yourself? I’m guessing not since no one really is
@pureolife True!
How long have you guys been together? Has it been like this since first day?
@~_Anonymous_ For nearly 5.5 years. And kind of? But obviously attraction and stuff like that is running high early on. But I knew early on that my partner wasn't necessarily top of my list physically. Triggers my rumination to sit and think that
I’m in a very similar boat
I’m the same way! My current partner has everything I’m looking for in a partner, but is shorter than what I ever would go for in the past and physically isn’t fit. When he met my family his stomach looked larger and it sent me into a downward spiral where I couldn’t focus on anything else and then wondered if I have been forcing this entire thing. I think it stems from a fear of judgment from others. I was doing talk therapy and she told me that I don’t need to settle just because I like his dating resume, which then sent me into an even deeper spiral of anxiety. I have a history of ROCD, so this has been impossible to navigate. Since the first date I have always had a better time with him than my anxiety told me, but my spiral is also insane because I feel like I SHOULD be so so excited and on cloud-9 that I found my person. It’s what I always imagined.
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