Dating

I can relate to this but with a girl I know at work. I constantly question my feelings for her about whether I’m genuinely interested in her or not. Only now has this really started happening because I get the vibe that there could maybe be a possibility of our friendship developing into something more in the future? Who knows though 🤷‍♂️. The mind looks for what it wants. Part of what makes this hard for me is that I’ve experienced a pattern with myself obsessing and ruminating on women being potential future partners simply because I’m interacting with them. This has made it difficult for me to just be myself and not overthink about how I should act. I think the fact that I’m more introverted and shy around girls doesn’t help me either. It’s like my brain assumes that a girl is interested in me solely because we both happened to be sharing eye contact while we were passing by each other at the same time. This happens to me a good amount at work, where you’re working near the same people for 10 hours. We’re just friends right now, and maybe it’ll just stay that way. I’d be lying though if I didn’t admit that a part of me hopes our friendship will evolve into something romantic lol. I’ve never been in a relationship nor have I gone dating before. I think it’d be cool to experience that. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m okay for feeling this way (it’s normal!). I consider myself to be a friendly guy (or at least I try to be). I enjoy talking with people and I look to develop deep connections with those that I find to be awesome. Unfortunately though, I’ve made a history of putting other people’s needs before my own simply because I’m worried about feeling like I belong. This is something that I’m actively working on with myself because I’m beginning to realize how much it’s negatively impacting my happiness and sense of self-worth. I bet that there’s other people here like myself that can relate to what you’re describing. Hell, I also worry if I could be a narcissist even though I’m constantly hard on myself for having any feelings that I fear won’t align with my values (I’m working on giving myself permission to feel/process my feelings instead of suppressing them). It’s okay to like being liked by someone that finds us attractive. Part of what can make two people interested in each other is that one person told the other that they’re attracted to them. Something that my therapist told me was that physical attraction for someone can grow simply because we realize that they’re attracted to us. Part of the reason why I obsess so much about my intentions with this girl I like at work (like whether or not I’m a narcissist) is because when I glance at her I obsess on whether or not she’s looking back at me. We are not bad people for feeling alarmed by our thoughts and feelings. We are not bad people for experiencing any thoughts and feelings that we have, period. Our brains look to put meaning on unwanted thoughts/feelings that make us uncomfortable/anxious in order to protect ourselves from any potential threat. Something I’d like to say is to just remember that you really most likely wouldn’t be worrying about this if you didn’t care. Trust me. Your mind is causing you to worry about this because you do care about being authentic and true to yourself. You’re not alone in this. ❤️🫂

I just want to remind you: the scenario that you deep down are a narcissist who wants to be loved is your obsession. And the wondering part on your side, with every dating experience you have, is the compulsion. Just because there are real feelings and actions involved (from the other person) doesn’t mean that it’s still a thought process that goes on in YOUR OWN brain. Don’t let OCD trick you that this is something else. It’s not. Get to know that girl. And if you find yourself proving or disproving that you’re a narcissist: that’s your sign that this doesn’t stem from the action of the other person. And if you’re a narcissist. You can morally agree that you would want to be, but you can’t get the 100% certainty, cause even if a psychotherapist would tell you “you’re normal!!” Your OCD will find another way to question your morality