Does anyone else have that one ex they just can’t get over? I’ve been recently feeling super lonely these past few days especially during the holidays and I just can’t help but be reminded of all the goods things that I’ll never seem to get back with that one person over a year ago.
I feel the same way as well. I really loved/love my ex. I do my best to adjust and move on but sometimes everything makes me think of them. It is hard.
@Racetrack I understand this feeling so completely… It’s been a year for me and I don’t know how to get over it really. I just want to be loved again and not feel this empty void everywhere I go.
The holiday season can definitely amplify loneliness, I go through this too. Try to be extra gentle to yourself, practice self care. Try not to think in black and white thinking, like you’ll never get those good things back. OCD loves to bring up thoughts of “never” or always,” but skips the gray area in between.
@MichelleV But what if your ex was someone really good looking, had similar interests/hobbies as you, and was exactly your type? How do we move on from that?
@Anxious Chao May I ask what specifically what your fears are/what your OCD is saying?
@MichelleV My ocd is saying I’ll never find someone better or someone like him again. I’ve even lowered my standards and dated men below my league and spoken to dozens of guys irl and it just doesn’t hit the same… I’ve never fell this hard for a man before like my ex, and after I’ve tried exploring again I haven’t been really been too impressed with the people I’ve met and even had to deal with being ghosted alongside other things… I just want the pain to stop, I want to be loved again, but I doubt I’ll ever find someone like my first. I just can’t force myself to be attracted to someone new that didn’t make me feel like he did.
@Anxious Chao Getting ghosted is a crappy feeling, I go through that too. I think it’s important to really take care of yourself, by validating how you feel, and also by practicing sitting in the uncertainty. OCD may be telling you you’ll never find someone your ex, but you don’t know if that’s true. And you don’t have to find certainty, because OCD is never satisfied. Are you working with a therapist right now?
@MichelleV I can’t work with them now, they don’t have expertise in grief counseling. It’s been two years and I don’t really want to move on at this point. I think I’m just beginning to accept I’ll never find someone like him again. Every guy I’ve talked to afterwards has been disappointing, boring or uninteresting… maybe I’m the problem in a way, but I’m aware of it to a certain extent…
not really an ex but an old crush/friend that i haven’t fully gotten over even though i don’t have a chance with him anymore. feels like i missed out on something good that i’ll never get the chance of again
@worryywart Do you still interact with them? Maybe going no contact could help you heal.
@Anxious Chao nah i haven’t talked to him in a while, at least not face to face since he moved for college. he just sort of pops up in my mind sometimes or something will remind me of him. i try not to think about it much though.
@worryywart I mean if it helps, it’s easier to get over someone you’ve never been with than ending up with a broken heart as soon as the relationship ends, which screws up your entire brain wiring almost similarly to a drug withdrawal. This sounds more like unrequited love and limerence, maybe seeking someone new or relocating to a new environment that gives you opportunities or a new beginning so to speak can give you a glimpse of hope and forget about “what could’ve been” and more of “what can I do to make my current situation better?”
@Anxious Chao thank you, i definitely need to try and move on, i thought i had but now it just keeps coming up in my mind. i try to remind myself that if it was meant to happen, it would’ve happened back then. i hope your situation gets better too :)
@worryywart I appreciate it! Breakups are far more difficult to get over than limerence. Majority of my high school crushes aren’t even a thought in my head anymore because of their irrelevance in my life. honestly glad I started dating in my early 20s then deal with the awkwardness of high school relationships. Once you get out there and have more experiences you’ll start to think of them less and less. ;)
@Anxious Chao that’s fair, i’m only 20 so hopefully it gets easier as i the memories of those people gets further away. thank you for your advice, this really helped!
@worryywart The fact that you are 20 right now explains everything 😅 your still very young and have yet to explore and grow as a individual and since you are two years fresh out the highschool the memories might still be clear in your head. Once you advance into the workforce or college, you’ll realize how very little any of it will matter in the next 3 years.
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