ROCD is exhausting.

I have improved a lot on my OCD, but sometimes it still flares up a lot. But I still have trouble deciphering what is OCD and what is an actual truth or feeling. since day one of being with my boyfriend, I’ve questioned my attraction to him (set aside OCD). He definitely wasn’t my type physically. And he wasn’t that adventurous, which is something I really want in a partner, but I remember our personalities clicked like no other and he treats me really well and he’s kind and he’s hilarious and loving and wise and very personable and all the things. one week I’m asking him when he’s going to propose, but the next week I’m telling him I’d like to date another year. I’m feeling incredibly anxious because I know he’s going to propose the in next few months. I have this feeling that I would be a better version of myself if I wasn’t with him and that I would be free and that I should be with someone who is pushing me into adventures and challenging me and that if we get married, I’ll just be falling into this comfortability that I’ve, always wanted to avoid since I was younger. I just feel like I don’t want to marry him, but I know he’s already planning on proposing to me soon. Idk what to do. I really really do love him. We’ve been dating about 13 months now and we’re best friends.

miriamlovesJ...

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m so sorry this is your situation! I know how challenging it can be to be stuck in the anxiety in a relationship. I don’t want to add to your rumination, because I know how urgent it feels to “figure it out right now”. With the adventure piece, it totally makes sense that you want someone who shares similar values. If that’s a non-negotiable, that’s valid thing! But, if you can still be yourself and find moments for adventure, even without him, then I think you guys are okay! At the end of the day, IF you decide you don’t want to marry him, you are capable of communicating that! I know it’s scary and feels impossible. You’re not a bad partner for needing more time if that’s what you need. You won’t regret slowing down!

Madillon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@miriamlovesJesus Thank you so much!

miriamlovesJ...

Date posted: Yesterday

Take all of this with a grain of salt ^ I am someone who struggles with ROCD and have for the past 9 months or so

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi! I have ROCD too and struggle with similar issues. My partner isn’t exactly my type physically either, and I wonder a lot if I’m settling/would be better off with someone else. It gets super exhausting constantly questioning things, just know you’re not alone. One thing that has helped me realize this is definitely ocd is that I’ve obsessively questioned all my relationships, holding them all to this impossible standard of perfection. Remember that we can’t necessarily control our intrusive worries, but we can control how we respond to them. Maybe you should marry your partner, maybe not! Maybe you’re even ruining your life! That’s a scary thought! Try not to disprove it. Good luck!!

Peaceful wis...

Date posted: Yesterday

Hmmmm. I think you guys sound so lovely as friends and you can have a great life with him as your friend. He sounds like he cares about you deeply and would possibly understand that you want the best for him too. You both deserve someone who wants to marry the other. Just because you guys don’t stay in a relationship it doesn’t mean you can’t care, love and live your life together. I would want the person I propose to, to love everything about me. Not just my personality. You have a really sweet guy here and you sound so caring yourself. I’m sure you will make the decision you think is best :) good luck 🤞

Madillon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@Peaceful wishes Yeah it’s so hard! He’s my best friend and I love him SO much! I know he’d be a great dad. And everyone around us says we’re perfect for each other. Our spiritual beliefs align too. He’s made an effort to go camping with and surfing since I mentioned being more adventurous. I’m afraid that if I were to try and find someone else they would never be as good as him. Like I’d leave 70% and find 30% if that makes sense. And I can’t imagine and don’t want to imagine him with another girl. But I just hyper fixate on his flaws and have since day one. I pick apart his style, the way he talks, his body, his hair, everything. And then it’s SO hard to respect him and look up to him bc I do this in my head. It’s so annoying. And makes me wonder if any guy would ever be “enough” for Me. He’s also the only boyfriend I’ve had so idk. But we’re in premarital counseling already. Idkkk

Madillon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@Madillon Anddd all of my best friends are his best friends.

Anna1812

Date posted: 9h

I have a similar struggle in my relationship, except I feel like I'm not my partner's type. He is very adventurous, and I'm not. haha. I also think aesthetically, I'm not his type. And we both have different views on societal issues. The list goes on. Makes me wonder how people without OCD deal with relationship doubts. Best of luck to you as you figure this out! I'm glad you're seeking support!

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