Being rude towards my boyfriend

Hello, i don't even know if this is ocd related but i feel like i need help either way Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years now and i love him so much like i truly believe i want to be with him the rest of my life, the only thing is he doesn't have a job, not that he doesn't want to, he's an artist and yeah its a really hard area to get into, but i really believe in him and his talent, and he even applies for like regular jobs at stores and restaurants but it just hasn't happened yet, and it's something that really frustrates me A while back i was crying really hard on the phone about it because i felt like he wasn't making as much of an effort as he could to get a job and to create content on his own to get his art out there, and he recognized it and apologized and has gotten a lot of work done actually Getting to me being mean to him, he has an opportunity with someone in the industry, like to pitch his idea, and like 4 days before they were supposed to meet my boyfriend tells me he still needed to get things ready And i flipped, like i started saying all the same things, that he isnt taking it seriously and i spoke in a way that i am not proud of After he explained better to me i understood that he obviously already had like everything done and planned, he just needed to like fix the storyboard or something, and honestly, even if he had procrastinated, it was not okay for me to speak the way that i did, and i fear its something i do a lot, i get angry and lash out and say mean things/am rude and im really scared its going to drive him away eventually, how do i work on myself? Does anyone have any tips?

Violet10!

Date posted: 15h

You just need to learn to recognize these feelings and take a step back to collect yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to realize in the moment but with practice and time it will become instinctual and also try to think of things from his perspective. It is quite hard to find an entry job nowadays so I’d imagine he’s trying his best. But yeah just take a step back from the conversation, assess yourself, and do mindful breathing to calm yourself down. It can be hard but ups and downs are a part of relationships and you both are still young with plenty of time to grow.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

He one hundred percent is trying his best!! I can get lost in the way I am feeling and just act in a completely selfish way, thank you for your advice, i will write it down and try to practice it🫶🏻

MJ02829

Date posted: 15h

I do this too with my boyfriend :( My boyfriend is a senior at SCAD ( Savannah College of art and design ) He eventually got a job and is ok! Don’t worry about your boyfriend. He will be ok. The first step to fixing the problem is realizing there is one, and then growing from there. Anytime you feel like you might say something unkind, try to reel yourself in and remember who you’re talking to. I always think of a picture of my boyfriend as a little kid in my head.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

Thank you 🥹 i do believe he will be ok, especially since again, he is really really talented.

pureolife

Date posted: 15h

Sounds like you’ve got some control issues to work on. You need to step back and let him manage his own life! You’re treating every little thing like it’s not just his responsibility but yours too. It’s not. This is his life and his journey. He has to do it his way. Maybe that means doing things differently than you would. Maybe that means doing things not as well, less, “not enough.” That’s not for you to decide. It’s for you to accept. This is who he is. Let him be himself. If it bothers you: that’s okay too. We all get annoyed when people don’t do things “our way.” But that’s for you to deal with. Not him. He doesn’t need to change in order to conform to your ideas of “enough.” He needs to do things for himself, his way. Can you let him be himself? Even when it’s disappointing? If you let him be himself and he becomes someone you don’t actually like or what to be with: so be it. That’s on him. You are not supposed to mold him into the partner you want. You’re supposed to support him in the ways he needs and stay with him if you like who he is and becomes.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

I suppose that's true, i understand that it is his life and he need to be happy with his decisions, i just get really upset because, if he doesn't have a job, then we can't move in together and have a life together which i want so badly, but i'm getting ahead of myself obviously. He moves at his own pace and i truly am proud of him, thank you for your comment! I will try to stay more in my lane and let him figure things out on his own

notthereyet

Date posted: 14h

Maybe you guys are not a good match. A relationship is not just about love, but also compatibility.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond