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@OCDfighter08 I was the same way for a long time in highschool when rejecting boys. The one thing that kept me sane was that I too had intense feelings for my boy bestfriend at the time. Those romantic feelings are real don’t discredit them because of your intrusive thoughts. Honestly if you fear being gay that bad then it’s probably ocd bc I am the same way being gay feels like the end of the world. Even now I’m in a relationship and I have trouble with intimacy due to my ocd and that’s my main trigger. OCD will attack anything you love and care about. Even being in a relationship I fear that maybe I don’t like it but true gay people wish that they could be open and gay and even if they don’t know they’re gay they will feel repulsed by the opposite sex and you’re not bc you have a crush on a man. If you desire a relationship, marriage, or even kids with a man that’s your true identity. Your thoughts will try to convince you you’re not. I still deal with those worries that I’ll get married and have kids and one day wake up and want to be a lesbian. That’s not how it works for true gay people. So focus on what you know you want and don’t focus on what you’re scared you might or might not feel. Because ocd messes with everything your mind and body. Sit with the uncertainty maybe you are maybe you aren’t I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear but that’s what I’ve learned in therapy. You know you like your friend so hold onto that because that is real your thoughts are not real. I hope this helped I’m not too good at advice lol