Weekly Wins

I ate some lunch in front of people at a party even though I was scared of it being messy - I didn’t eat a lot but like definitely a step up from not eating or going home!

I caved a few times to some compulsions this week.. BUT!!! My win was the fact I realised why I was doing very quickly once I started and I am able to stop almost immediately (there’s still some fight) but going from hours of compulsions and rumination to only a few minutes is huge for me and I’m honestly so proud of that :)

I had to move an appointment and the time of day didn't even move me. I just said yes

I was really struggling at the beginning of this week and felt like I’d be stuck forever with OCD being so loud. But I continued to resist compulsions (which is hard for me because most of mine are mental) and I am doing better today than I have been the past few days. ☺️🥳

Still here, I'm keeping on keeping on. The tough part was dealing with winter cold and flu season and feeling my immune system struggle, and fearing that I'm dying due to catching a fatal virus. So the physical sensation of getting sick which often triggers an actual breakdown and sickness symptom. Fighting back that by doing nothing except getting an hour more of sunlight. So resisting and not actually doing anything and now I'm good. No psychosomatic symptoms!

I made it through the work week. 😭

Proud of having applied to a handful of jobs rather than just planning for looking for work . I also began making strides on my future and working on business plans that I would keep thinking about

Figured out that I have been fighting ocd mentally to be morally perfect. Accepted the fact that I will not be morally perfect and that’s ok. If I wasn’t ocd I wouldn’t be worried about being morally perfect so I need to allow myself not to be. As soon as I made this realization the anxiety almost went away. I’m still holding on to two lingering thoughts but nothing compares to what it was.

Brushed my teeth in the morning every day this week! I used to be really consistent about brushing but lost the habit this summer when my contamination fears spiked. Feels good to see a good habit return.

My wins for the week: allowing things to be messy, accepting the uncertainty of introducing my cats (they're getting along well) , quitting vaping (used as a safety behavior), identifying when I'm using compulsions and injecting uncertainty back into whatever is triggering me and sitting with that discomfort. Calling out of work 2 days in a row - sick days. Practicing my exposures.

I returned to ERP therapy after 15 years since last time I got OCD treatment. I showed up for my first session with NOCD therapist this week even though I felt like I was going to vomit and crawl out of my skin and I absolutely hate trusting new people enough to explain my struggles. And it went far better than I expected. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm feeling more optimistic now.

Went to the mall and was there for two hours, fought urge to leave

First week in. It's a lot to digest, but my therapist Nate has been amazing! Being diagnosed with ADHD last year and now OCD is challenging at 48, but I I'm ready to start living and enjoying my life.

My win for the week was recognizing relationship OCD, and doing the opposite of what it told me to do. It said “be compliant and don’t rock the boat or you will ruin your only chance to take advantage of this life changing opportunity. Don’t screw it up.” Instead, I rocked the boat a little bit, put my needs first, and risked the other person getting annoyed with me.

Still alive

Learning to deal with new themes