Spiraling

I am spiraling A few months ago my boyfriend said he didn’t know if he loved me anymore. That just rocked me to my core. Ever since then I have been spiraling out of control. He was my main support system, my emergency contact. We have been through so much together. I was blindsided by that. I felt like I was being abandoned. A few weeks prior he said I was the love of his life. I just couldn’t believe he had doubts. My brain is just punishing myself for making him hate me. I was toxic and horrible. It was a bad situation and I had no coping skills and took my anger out on him. It was bad. I have so much guilt. He isn’t affectionate towards me anymore, there is no compassion. It is just cold and mean. I hate myself for hurting him this much and making him give up on me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

His security and safety meant everything to me. I can’t function without it. It just hurts so much. I feel such intense guilt because I was a bitch and didn’t appreciate what he did for me. What anyone did for me. I took for granted that he would always be there and just endure me and my emotional tantrums. His withdrawal is just painful. We just moved as well so it feels extra cruel. Why do I remeber the good things now that I am in pain and have hurt him. Why can’t I remember those things before I hurt and rage at people. Why do I only recognize the good when they aren’t there.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 9h

@Anonymous Maybe this time in your life is a great opportunity to learn to love yourself and to find security outside of about person. If you can feel secure without another person, you will be a real winner out of this. Also, maybe it's a good thing that he showed his true colors. He was not able to stay faithful in unconditional love. You need someone who will do that for you.

mri12

Date posted: 15h

Hey diva!! I’m really glad you shared this, because what you’re describing sounds incredibly painful and destabilizing. Anyone would spiral after hearing the person who felt like their safe place suddenly say they don’t know if they love you anymore…especially after being told you were the love of their life. That kind of emotional whiplash can seriously shake your sense of security and self-worth. I want to gently say this: you did NOT “make” someone stop loving you by struggling. You were reacting to feeling abandoned and terrified, not trying to hurt him. When our main support system feels like it’s slipping away, our nervous system goes into survival mode. That doesn’t make you toxic or horrible. it means you didn’t have the tools yet to cope with that level of pain. Yes, you can take responsibility for things you regret without turning that responsibility into self-punishment. Guilt can be useful when it leads to growth, but what you’re experiencing sounds more like shame.. and shame will convince you that you’re unlovable and undeserving of compassion. That’s not true. Also, it’s important to say this clearly: a lack of affection, compassion, or basic kindness is deeply damaging, especially after someone opens up about feeling abandoned. Even if he’s hurt, coldness and meanness aren’t healing either of you. Relationships don’t recover through punishment. You’re not bad for needing reassurance. You’re not bad for reacting emotionally when the ground fell out from under you. And you’re not unworthy of love because you didn’t handle pain perfectly. Right now, the most important thing isn’t fixing the relationship it’s stabilizing you. You need support that isn’t dependent on whether someone stays or goes. That might mean talking to a therapist, leaning on friends or family, or even just having one safe place where you don’t have to earn care. Please be kinder to yourself. You’re grieving the loss of safety, trust, and affection all at once. That hurts deeply. Healing doesn’t start with self-hatred it starts with understanding. You are not beyond repair. And this moment does not define who you are.🙂💘

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